An antidote to hate

Being an American citizen married to a “documented alien in removal” has its challenges, for sure. Between reporting to Homeland Security offices in Albany twice a year, constantly worrying about how the next batch of anti-immigration laws will affect your life, and dealing with the inevitable trolls who stalk the posts of pro-immigration bloggers and insinuate that only low class, stupid and desperate women/men would marry an “illegal” alien, can turn a person’s hair silver overnight.

Now, I’ve written about the error in using the term “illegal” in referring to immigrants in the past, but it bears repeating again. Most immigrants have not done anything illegal (i.e. crossing the border without inspection nor have most of them ever committed a crime.) In fact, a substantial number of immigrants have only committed a civil violation by overstaying-- not a criminal one; based on U.S. immigration law. To elaborate: overstay is a civil violation constituting an immigrant who has remained in the U.S. after a VISA has expired. Even the term “undocumented” does not accurately describe all immigrants. For instance, my husband has all his documents (i.e. worker’s permit, passport and a social security number) so he cannot be referred to as “undocumented”. Therefore, the characterization of all immigrants without a green card as “illegal” is inaccurate.

None of my friends who blog about deportation could be characterized as low class, desperate, and especially-- not stupid. The women (and men) I have known who are dealing with separation or deportations of a spouse are the smartest, bravest, strongest and most socially aware people I know. I am proud to call them friends and am thankful that they are a part of my life…even though many miles separate us all.

The wonderful connections I’ve made to people who are going through a similar experience are one of the bright spots in the everyday struggle of dealing with deportation. A fellow blogger remarked: “the whole process of dealing with the immigration system in the U.S. is so dehumanizing that the personal connections we foster online with people going through similar situations is mentally and spiritually healing.”

It can be easy to be consumed by anger and fear when you are dealing with the possible separation of you from your spouse. I remember when Khalid and I were going through the most precarious time in our marriage; just after the denial of his second circuit court case and the deportation mandate was issued. Whenever Khalid was late getting home from work, those minutes before he walked through the door were fraught with fear, anxiety and hopelessness. I was so afraid that ICE had apprehended him at work and sent him to detention. If this had happened I would not have been notified. I would not even know where they had taken him. Perhaps I would be one of the lucky spouses that would get a call from my husband or a lawyer days later telling me where he was being held. Otherwise, it is likely that I would not know any specifics until after the deportation process was completed and he arrived in the country of his birth.

Despite all of this turmoil there are positive aspects to this situation: besides making wonderful friendships. The whole immigration system is designed to tear the American citizen and deportee apart. However, a curious thing happens. Amidst all the negativity, barricades, hateful rhetoric and discriminatory policies the bonds between the couple entwine, grow thicker and become stronger. Love stubbornly grows where hate has wrought devastation. This seems to be a universal truth.

I am aware that since my husband and I have gone through this painful process that we do not easily take each other for granted. Many of the petty annoyances that plague my friends’ relationships do not affect us. When threatened with separation you treasure every moment you spend with the other person. Precious time cannot be wasted on insignificant disagreements you will likely forget a week later. You learn to love deeply, completely and forgive easily. Indeed, this seemingly fragile love becomes the strongest antidote to hate.

An immigrant like me

I've been reading a lot this summer which, like everything else, has a positive and negative bent. The positive is that I've learned quite a bit--particularly about the history of immigration in America. The negative means that time devoted to artwork has diminished in favor of spending a majority of my time reading.

This reading–frenzy is the result of a challenge posed to me by one of my professors late spring semester. I was lamenting over the fact that I could not find sufficient information explaining why my husband's immigration situation has been so difficult.

My professor suggested that instead of asking "why" this has happened, I should try asking "how." What a difference one little word can make! "Why" is a question not always answerable because asking the question "why" denotes determining internal causes: and that can be nearly impossible. “Why” demands illuminating psychological and emotional responses of individuals and groups--no easy task. But restructuring the question and asking "how” changes the focus and inspires an investigation of root causes, history and significant events that have influenced the situation”. As a result, I've been reading a lot about American culture, immigration history, racism, and white nationalism.

There is one book; in particular, that has made a lasting impression on me this summer. The book is entitled: Black like Me by John Howard Griffin. Briefly, the book is about a white Southern man who found rampant discrimination of blacks in the Jim Crow era of the 1950's morally repugnant. He decided that to completely understand the trials blacks contend with on a daily basis he would need to become black himself. The book outlines the disparity, discrimination, naked hatred and humiliation he suffers as he travels across The South as a black man.

Despite this book being published in the 1960’s, the essence of the book continues to be relevant in today’s world. Not only to blacks who still face rampant institutionalized racism but also to Hispanics and other immigrants being demonized in the current incarnation of xenophobia. In an eerie prediction of future racial strife and increasing xenophobia—not only in The South but throughout contemporary American society, John Howard Griffin states:

“The Negro. The South. These are details. The real story is the universal one of men who destroy the souls and bodies of other men (and in the process destroy themselves) for reasons neither really understands. It is the story of the persecuted, the defrauded, the feared and detested. I could have been a Jew in Germany, a Mexican in a number of states, or a member of any “inferior” group. Only the details would have differed. The story would be the same.” – John Howard Griffin

I am particularly struck by the phrase “a Mexican in a number of states”. How poignant such a phrase is, for an era—a state; Arizona-- that is trying to sanction passing a law that clearly discriminates against a specific part of a marginalized population. Just like the Jim Crow laws did in the period of 1920’s-1960’s, the SB 1070 law mandates a different set of rules and expectations for certain groups and sets up the sanctioning of increased forms of dehumanization, exploitation and vulnerability.

It occurs to me, that it would be interesting if someone would follow John Howard Griffin’s moral example and attempt to walk in a Hispanic—or any undocumented immigrants shoes-- and experience the degradation, isolation and dehumanization for just one day. I surmise it would be very illuminating.

Honoring America's deportees

So here it is, a Facebook group called Honoring America's deportees which has been formed to enlist people into some pro-immigrant activism. Thanks to some word of mouth I have a good group forming.

I have added a description of the first project we will be involved in, which is a quilt with the names of 24 immigrants deported from America's shores. I will be uploading a picture of a sketch of the design of the quilt which incorporates traditional , crazy and patchwork quilting.

For further information, please check the link below. If you want to participate, have suggestions or just want to vicariously observe, please join the group. The more the merrier!

http://www.facebook.com/#!/group.php?gid=143274455699956

For a change: good news coming from Arizona

Good news! Believe me, for pro-immigrant activists and people who support human rights, this is the kind of news we want and need to hear.

Federal Judge Sue Bolton of Phoenix Arizona has blocked key controversial items from going forward on July 29th: the date the controversial SB 1070 was to go into effect!

I won't go into all the details. You can read it in the link I will supply at the end of this post from the New York Times. I just want to say I am very proud to be an American today. I had a hard time believing that the judge would block SB 1070 because of all anti-immigrant hoopla being promoted in the media . Common sense and an allegiance to the principles in the Constitution apparently trumped hatred and fear.

For that I am grateful. Let's hope these principles stand firm in the midst of probable appeals.

Embracing my inner eccentric

There is a book entitled Eccentrics by David Weeks. I have not personally read it but I did peruse a blog post that mentioned it. In fact, the blogger included an excerpt written by Weeks that lists 15 traits of an eccentric. I found the list fascinating because many of the traits apply to me. The list can be found below with my comments added in bold :


•Nonconforming: YES

•Creative: YES

•Strongly motivated by curiosity: Absolutely

•Idealistic: wants to make the world a better place and the people in it happier: This definitely describes me

•Happily obsessed with one or more hobbies: Yeah, definitely

•Aware from early childhood that he/she is different: YES

•Intelligent: YES

•Opinionated and outspoken, convinced that he is right and that the rest of the world is out of step: Opinionated yes; outspoken, not usually—but as I get older I am becoming more so. The second part I plead the 5th.

•Noncompetitive, not in need of reassurance or reinforcement from society: Definitely non-competitive

•Unusual in his eating habits and living arrangements: Not so much

•Not particularly interested in the opinions or company of other people, except in order to persuade them to his the correct - point of view: True to an extent. I am interested in certain people’s company and in people who have informed opinions rather than those who structure their belief systems around cultural conditioning and emotional reactions-- exclusive of rational thinking. As a rule; I do not follow the herd mentality and prefer spending time with creative or unusual people with original ideas.

•Possessed of a mischievous sense of humor: YES

•Single: No, but I did not get married until I was 37

•usually the eldest or an only child: Only child

•Bad speller: Guilty as charged.


Since grade school, I have always recognized myself as somewhat of a misfit. I never had a problem making friends: although they usually came from the margins of “popularity central”. This meant that I befriended the artists, poets, punks, intellectuals, introverts, and other people outside the dominate society.

I intrinsically knew, even from a young age, that my opinions, beliefs and life experiences were somehow different from the majority of my classmates. For awhile, I attributed that to my introverted nature, but I may need to tweak that understanding a bit and just decide to embrace my inner eccentric!

As a result, I should not be surprised to find myself in love with and married to an immigrant: nor should it be surprising that I am committed to fighting the discriminatory system that has deemed my husband disposable, deportable-- and continues to stifle him within a soft cage of institutionalized xenophobia.

Additionally, it is not shocking to find myself in the minority when it comes to rallying for immigrant rights and immigration reform. Nor is it out of character for me to be vehemently opposed to a dehumanizing, unconstitutional and evil law as SB 1070. The herd mentality I mentioned before requires a blind allegiance to-- and a fervent belief in the unquestioned moral righteousness of assigned leaders, media moguls and law makers/ enforcement. I have no such illusory concepts.

So, as one of the greatest minds of American literature once stated: “Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.” Mark Twain

I completely agree! 'Cos just because it's popular doesn't make it healthy, moral or just.

When the hate hits close to home

I don't mind saying that I am worried. The recent explosion of anti-immigrant fervor running rampant through this country has resigned me to fear the worst. With Jan Brewer, governor of Arizona, trying to stoke the fire of moral panic against Hispanics by claiming law enforcement has found bodies with decapitated heads, and the rise of neo-nazi vigilantes wielding guns and searching for immigrants crossing the border, and more states looking to implement similar laws to SB 1070 I don't see how the situation can get much worse--well, other than the eruption of widespread violence. Honestly, (and I apologize for the pessimism) based on the level of hate that has risen to the surface, I don't think violence is out of the question.

But what has disheartened me the most is when the hate is spewed from people within my immediate circle. I'm not talking about family members. We are fortunate to have family who have been incredibly supportive. I'm referring to people that I have come to respect and consider friends. People who have expressed concern for Khalid's situation in the past. Individuals who have met Khalid and have commented on what a nice, respectful person he is.

And yet, even when they know Khalid, his story, how he has been mistreated, locked up, and dehumanized; they can still support a discriminatory law like SB 1070 and spew hateful rhetoric about Hispanics. And I wonder: what good has come from talking about my husband's situation? Why did I put our lives up for scrutiny? I was idealistic and actually thought sharing our story would help temper the hate. But maybe I was wrong. Maybe all the condolences, empathy and well wishes were all lies.

Personally, I cannot make a distinction between my husband and all the Hispanic immigrants in this country. There is no way I can compartmentalize his story and say he deserves to stay in America and yet deny that same privilege to Hispanics. That is exactly what my "friends" are doing when they express empathy for my husband and yet profess disdain for Hispanics. Whatever happens to Hispanics in Arizona can certainly happen to my husband.

The struggle against the SB1070 law is not just to secure human rights for Hispanics--although that is a moral enough cause; it is also to end the dehumanization and inferiority status for all immigrants-- whether they are legal or illegal. All people are sacred and no group-- whether they are white, black, brown, disabled, homosexual, transgendered, etc-- deserves to be singled out by discriminatory laws.

After all, dehumanization and keeping "undesirables" in their place were the reasons behind the statute in apartheid South Africa that made it mandatory for black people to keep documentation. Dehumanization and keeping "undesirables" in their place were the reasons for implementing the Jim Crow laws and certainly dehumanization and keeping "undesirables" in their place was the purpose behind the Holocaust. We can NEVER forget that! And how did all these things occur? How did ordinary people ignore the cruelty that was inflicted? By designating that these specific groups of people simply did not matter.

However, what is particularly terrifying to me is my emotional reaction to this recent phenomenon. I've never considered myself a hateful person and I don't believe anyone would characterize me as such. I've certainly disliked some people in my lifetime but never hated anyone. But now, sometimes I feel so disillusioned, so frustrated, so sick of the stereotypes, the ignorance that runs rampant and unchecked through the immigration debate that I feel hate. It's not a good feeling. And I'm ashamed.

But then I remember, it is just this kind of feeling--unadulterated hate-- that is fueling this anti-immigration fire in this country. A hate so fiery, irrational and uncontrollable that it threatens us all: whether we are citizens, legal or otherwise. We are all in danger.

At least I have acknowledged and named my hate. Now I can conquer it. By conquering hate I can ensure that it will not spill over and adversely affect anyone else. I wish we would all acknowledge and conquer our hate. If we did, our world would be a lot less volatile.

Let me introduce you to......

….John Tanton. A retired, small town ophthalmologist, John Tanton’s appearance is not particularly extraordinary or noteworthy. His interests include botany, conservationism and environmentalism. No one would guess that he regularly fraternizes with white nativists, neo- Nazis and white supremacists.. Regardless of this innocuousness, John Tanton is an unapologetic white nationalist.

According to Wikipedia-“White nationalism advocates a racial definition of national identity, as opposed to multiculturalism. The contemporary movement is a reaction to a perceived decline in white demographics, politics and culture.” According to Samuel Francis, it is ‘a movement that rejects equality as an ideal and insists on an enduring core of human nature transmitted by heredity.’"

Samuel Huntington elaborates:, “Rather than espouse violence, they use statistics and social science data to argue for a self-conscious white identity.[ They say a natural hierarchy should triumph over the ‘false promise of egalitarianism’- and that the downfall of white dominance spells doom for representative government, the rule of law and freedom of speech.”

“Supporters say they stand for racial self-preservation and claim culture itself is a product of race. As a result, according to Huntington, they say the demographic shift in the U.S. towards non-whites brings a new culture that is intellectually and morally inferior. With it comes affirmative action, immigrant ghettos and declining educational standards. By challenging established policy on immigration, civil rights and racial integration, they seek to build bridges with moderately conservative white citizens.”

Now, I am not going to waste time identifying the inconsistencies, analytical errors and racist ideology of eugenics,” natural” hierarchy, and the illusion of a invariable white identity. Instead, I am concerned with illuminating John Tanton’s influence on anti-immigration rhetoric in this country. He has been an integral force for enacting the harsh and stringent immigration laws of the last fourteen years and has fuelled the conflated moral panic directed against legal and illegal immigrants in this country—and based his conclusions on unsubstantiated statistics.

Additionally, I won’t enlist the contemporary tendency to cloak the ugly face of racism with artificial, cosmetic concealment in order to make it palatable to the general public. Despite rants to the contrary, white nationalists are racist-- in every abhorrent characteristic of the term. A snake is a snake regardless of the semantics he may use to disguise his identity.

As a proponent of white nationalism, John Tanton established the largest and arguably most influential anti-immigrant group in the country called FAIR. The goal of FAIR is to restrict and significantly curtail immigration, particularly from those of the southern hemisphere. While their website seems innocuous enough, the underlying goal of FAIR is the banishment of all supposedly--unassimiable black and brown immigrants from this country, and the subsequent re-establishment of America as a predominately white nation.

In fact, the recently passed Arizona law SB 1070 was formed, written and implemented by John Tanton along with other well known white nationalist: including Arizona senator Russell Pearce and Kris Kobach. John Tanton also had a hand in shaping the Arizona law that prohibits ethnic studies from being taught in public schools.

So, the next time someone asks me if I think the Arizona law SB 1070 is racist, I can unequivocally, confidently and vehemently shout YES………absolutely yes!!

Practical, if not probable, solutions for immigration reform

Here it is, my feeble attempt to take on the mess that is our U.S. immigration system. However, I do not believe that a few simple fixes will fundamentally change the root cause of institutionalized immigrant discrimination. To end institutional immigrant discrimination you first need to eliminate institutionalized racism/sexism--and, unfortunately, I do not see that changing anytime soon.

Racism, sexism and classism will only abate when the social hierarchies of wealth and power structures in American capitalism are dismantled. Indeed, capitalism--especially late stage, unregulated capitalism, requires an ever-increasing number of hyper-exploitable, vulnerable workers to utilize against other workers in order to drive down wages for everyone.

Of course, race and sex are two favorite modes of classifying and segregating these workers: legal and illegal workers is another. It behooves capitalism to segregate workers in hierarchies in order to pit the various groups against each other. This ensures there is always a vulnerable group for capitalism to exploit (should one group get too demanding and uppity) and also keeps the working masses so busy fighting and blaming each other they will never unite together and fight their common oppressor: the elite capitalists.

Having said that, if I was the American President and had unlimited power (unrealistic--I know) I would do the following--listed in order of priority.

#1

The first thing I would do is ensure that The Family Unification Act and The Dream Act will pass. Two many wives, husbands, children, brothers and sisters are being needlessly torn apart with little prospect of reuniting. Additionally, many promising and intelligent young people are being deported before they can finish their degrees. The majority of them did not have a choice as to whether to stay in the US illegally. They came here as young children. Deporting any of these individuals-without a legal avenue to adjust their status-- is barbaric, ridiculous and goes against morality and commonsense.


#2

The second adjustment I would implement is changing our economic and foreign policies in order to foster cooperation with developing nations to strengthen their economies rather than plundering their raw materials, exploiting their labor force and undermining their autonomy. The stronger a nation becomes--and the more stable--the less likely people will move from their homelands. With that being said I will digress for a moment:

People don't like moving from their homeland, friends and families. In general, people prefer to remain in familiar surroundings with people of a similar language, customs and a shared history. Migrants don't like moving to foreign lands but they are compelled to do so for various reasons including extreme poverty, starvation, political/ethnic/religious violence and turmoil in their homelands. And although there has always been migration; the contemporary waves of immigrants from the southern hemisphere towards the epicenters of capitalism in the Northern hemisphere is unprecedented in history.

So, we need to ask ourselves, why is this mass exodus happening?

In a nutshell, these mass migrations are fueled by globalization and the unequal power dynamics between rich and developing countries that can be traced to colonialism, imperialism and the contemporary incarnation of unregulated turbo charged-capitalism. These policies of global de-regulation and unlimited free trade have been facilitated by IMF and WTO loan policies to control developing nations. The United States has significantly contributed to the financing of the IMF and WTO and therefore has undue influence in shaping these loan policies.

Jarrett S, Lovell, author and activist explains the history of the IMF specifically, and how it has metamorphosed into the neo-liberal institution it is today:

"In assessing the rise of corporate domination, many observers identify the aftermath of the Second World War as the era when corporate power became most pronounced. Indeed, the roots of contemporary discontent over corporate globalization can be found within the international trade institutions and policies that emerged at the end of the Second World War. Specifically after the war ended, the United Nations Monetary and financial Conference was assembled at Bretton Woods, New Hampshire, where the International Monetary fund (IMF) was created to finance the construction of Europe and to prevent international financial crises. To be sure, the IMF is a public institution. It is financed by taxes provided by citizens from contributor nations. It was established to allow countries experiencing financial problems to continue with global trade uninterrupted. the IMF initially recognized that even so-called free markets require regulation to prevent economic and social catastrophe. By the 1980's, however, the IMF operated according to an ideology that viewed any regulation as a barrier to capital. Under a new doctrine of neoliberalism, officials from the IMF encouraged countries to "liberalize" their economies, that is, to reduce or do away with such barriers as tariffs and humanitarian or environmental regulations."

So, in order to pave the way for free trade in developing nations, the IMF and WTO will coerce a country to dismantle their social networks, eliminate environmental protections for their citizens, de-value their currency and implement any number of laws and conditions that favor commerce (aka "progress") over citizenry. Some countries have even been strong armed into altering their constitutions in order to placate transnational companies.

So, transnational companies move into an area, set up temporary factories and hire the indigenous people for a pittance. They exploit and mistreat their workers while simultaneously destroying and poisoning the communities and residential areas where their employees live.

Suddenly--they will close up shop, layoff their workers and move to another developing nation where they can pay the work force less and exploit the populace and environment further. Leaving all workers, the world over, vulnerable, subjugated and intimidated.

#3

If I was President, I would consider one of my most fundamental jobs would be to hold myself, and all other public people and institutions to a high standard of ethics, particularly paying close attention to how words can fuel hate and human rights violations.

Citizens in The United States are fearful and look to the future anxiously. When people are scared they tend to look for a scapegoat to blame their troubles on. As Bertrand Russell eloquently states: "Collective fear stimulates herd instinct, and tends to produce ferocity toward those who are not regarded as members of the herd."
The President must be aware of this tendency and must not only choose his words wisely but must also publicly chastise those public individuals who use language unscrupulously to fuel hate and fear-mongering.

#4

As President I would completely overhaul the U.S. immigration court system. I would make sure that all judges sitting on the immigration court benches actually had a degree in immigration law. I would hire more immigration judges to take on the expanding load of immigration cases.

Additionally, I would expand the number of approved asylum quotas--based on need per each individual country.I would also implement some type of committee to oversee immigration lawyers. Any lawyers found misrepresenting themselves or exploiting immigrants would be fined and disbarred.

These are a few of the reforms I would put in place. There are more I could add but these are the most urgently needed.

The Baby quandry

This blog post is arguably one of the most personal I have-- and probably ever will write. Before I started to write this blog I decided that I was going to depict as honestly and accurately the experiences of my husband and I. That would include, I surmised, even the most personal, fearful, humiliating, horrible aspects of this journey. This includes experiences and feelings most people keep hidden. If people are going to empathize or understand the unique experiences of being a deportee-- or the wife of a deportee, I knew I had to be completely forthright.

So, here it goes: Khalid wants a child. In the early days of our relationship; before the realities of our precarious predicament became clear to me, I wanted a child as well.

In fact, in March 2007 I found out I was pregnant. I was overjoyed and found myself, as most expectant mothers do, fantasizing about holding, playing and teaching the future newborn. I could-- in my mind’s eye; see, touch, smell and hear the child. This child was as real and alive to me as any living being in this temporal world. Despite some basic trepidation of financial concerns and my own insecurities about a lack of parenting skills, I was looking forward to having a child.

But things began to go wrong. My blood pressure began to spiral out of control and I kept getting sick. I have asthma, and the respiratory infections I kept getting took a toll on my already weakened lungs. I had to take antibiotics and other medications that I could only hope would not adversely affect the baby.

Then, in the middle of May I got deathly sick. I coughed continuously for two full weeks, had a temperature and could not eat nor could I get any rest during most of those nights. Khalid was concerned because he had never seen me so ill. I stayed in bed and only went to go see the doctor after Khalid forced me.

Finally, I started to get better. However, on May 26th I had a miscarriage. I was devastated. Nothing can prepare you for this kind of tragedy. Women don’t normally talk about these types of experiences and now I know why. It’s as if a small but integral part of your heart dies along with the baby. How can you speak of things so intimate, inherently fragile; eternally and exclusively linked to all our women ancestors: women who look upon our collective misfortunes in empathy and forgiveness?

Khalid, though devastated too, was there beside me to hold me up, even though I struggled to swim above the current in a frothy, torrential, and merciless ocean of despair.

When I finally emerged from my grief I was empowered in a way I can’t explain. I knew I wanted to be consumed by something, something that would give me meaning and identity. I decided to go back to college: specifically Hamilton College and prove that I could succeed at such a prestigious institute. I needed to prove my intelligence, tenaciousness and creativity. Education and self improvement have always been an important part of my life and I finally wanted to complete my studies.

So, I started to take course at Hamilton College in the Fall of 2008. I decided to major in Women’s Studies; a decision I have never regretted.

Taking Women’s Studies has forever altered my viewpoint of the world. I won’t go into specific intricacies—that would take too long, but in general I have learned not to take the world or the people in it at face value. More specifically I have learned not to internalize the pressures and expectations of a patriarchal, mediocre, moderate ideology. Rather than defining myself and my success based on what the dominate culture qualifies as normal-- I can decide for myself.

So, you ask: do you still want a baby?

Honestly, there is still a slight desire to have a child: someone I can pass my knowledge, skills and talents to. We’ve tried..but it isn’t happening. Despite this failure I’m not devastated. For various reasons, including financial, my feminist sensibilities, environmental and political concerns I am not as intent on having a child as I was. Certainly, if Khalid had a green card, a job that pays him what his experience and skills are worth, I was ten years younger and had my college degree then I would be more likely to consider becoming a parent.

The truth is, we are still in a precarious situation. If I were to get pregnant now-- I would be in a high risk category. That means I would need to go to the doctor’s frequently and there is a high chance of complications and birth defects. Additionally, we would have to go through a fertility clinic. Despite having insurance, this process would be very expensive. I am-- at this point, unwilling to put myself, our finances and my body through this ordeal.

My one regret, is denying Khalid the chance at being a father. He has been very gracious and supportive during this painful reflective period. I know he would make a wonderful, attentive and loving father: all those things that were denied to me.

Even though he has never pressured me into having a child and sincerely understands my reluctance and concerns there is a tinge of regret that if circumstances were different, we would easily and freely have a child. This is just another causality in the ongoing battle between us and the U.S. immigration system.

Reclaiming a latent talent

I’ve always been known for being an expert sleeper. When I was a child I could literally sleep in any position, sitting up, on my head, scrunched up in a doll’s crib, and even upside down. I could fall asleep in the car, amongst a loud group of people and while listening to heavy metal music. Nothing-- I repeat nothing-- would get between me and a good night’s sleep. (or a good nap)

It hasn’t been until recently, that I’ve become aware of how my talent for sleeping has been compromised. Since about 2006, when I became aware of Khalid’s immigration situation, my penchant and talent for sleep has gone awry. It’s not that I have shunned practicing. On the contrary, I was horribly distraught and tired most of the time. As a result I coveted the peace that sleep time brings.

But apparently, when the chores of the day were completed, and my head hit the pillow, I was unable to quiet my mind. I incessantly obsessed over the dark tidings the future had in store for us. It seemed it was fated that my husband and I would be separated and every night was spent wondering whether this would be the last night we would spend together.

I have spent four years worth of unrelenting and merciless nights-- tossing and turning, pondering, anticipating and surmising the worst. I have caught only the briefest glimpses of the ever-flickering fragments of my nightmares because I would awake intermittingly throughout the night.

I was exhausted, annoyed, anxious and angry most of the time. The worst part of all is—I didn’t know it. I thought--despite the circumstances—that I was doing fine.

I didn’t know any different until the last visit we made to Homeland Security and the Deportation Officer admitted they could not obtain the travel documents to India. That night I slept like the dead. There was no tossing, no turning and no waking up during the night.

In fact, every night since that day I have known nothing but peace during the night. Besides having my husband by my side, peace is the most valuable element in my life.

Oh--and also the satisfaction of reclaiming a latent talent...

Shelving immigration reform

Recently I’ve seen a lot of headlines in the news that proclaim President Obama is shelving immigration reform until 2010. He has said it was more important to get health care reform on track and to deal with energy issues before any meaningful work is done on immigration reform.

To say I am disappointed is an understatement. I had voted for Obama, at least in part, because he promised that immigration reform would be a priority during the first year of his administration. I had hoped that he would at least implement some sort of dialogue about the Family Reunification Act: an amendment to current immigration law statutes which would allow an immigrant facing deportation to stay in The United States if they have a spouse or children who are U.S. citizens. This sounds like a reasonable and prudent law and one that should have never been changed.

Obviously, the passing of this law would help Khalid and I and thousands of couples like us. Now, our hopes are dashed because we don’t think we can wait until next year for immigration reform. Witnessing the quagmire of the current debate about health care reform and the resulting unpleasantness of the entire process, I surmise that immigration reform will be even more difficult to procure.

There are many people who are against immigration reform—or at least any reform that would help immigrants. Unfortunately, I find that the majority of people who are against it are not sufficiently aware of the bigger picture. This is where I want to make a difference. As a result of my blog, I get the sense that I have made changes in a few people’s opinions and this is satisfying—but I don’t feel I am doing enough. I need to reach more people and I’m not sure how to do this.

I would love to make more speeches, but so far the venues I have been in have been small. I feel stuck. If anyone has any ideas about how I can get my message out, please contact me. I will seriously consider any suggestions

The Prophetic dream

For some reason, I keep bringing to mind a very strange dream that I had a little over a year ago. Historically, I have never been a proponent of dream interpretation for several reasons. Most importantly, my dreams do not make sense. There is little literal meaning I can glean from the random thoughts and images that flash across my inner movie projector. It’s as if some schizophrenic director is leading a macabre circus through a Dali-esque landscape. I don’t think it’s possible to attach any meaning to this chaos.

But after having a particularly vivid dream last year in early July, I may have modified my viewpoints slightly to allow the chance that dreams may actually have meanings, and in rare circumstances; be prophetic.


So, without further ado, this is my dream:

Khalid and I are in his car driving to a destination. The sky is a Wedgewood blue and the sun is shining brightly. After a spending a long time on the road we crossed an old fashioned arched bridge constructed of brown bricks. The bridge spanned a large body of water.

We travelled over the bridge, across the water and arrived on an island. We clearly were not at our expected destination. We consulted a map, but could not locate the island. There were no discernible signs anywhere indicating our location. After awhile we came to what appeared to be a town center. There was a school nearby and a village hall.

Khalid parked in a large lot and I got out of the car. We needed to find out where we were so we could figure out how to get to our destination. I walked to the nearby town hall, expecting to see some sign that proclaimed the name of the town we were in. I found a large, bronze plaque and perused its contents, but there wasn’t a name.

I continued looking for a name, but none was to be found. I turned to one of the busy pedestrians on the street and asked “What is the name of this town?”

She looked at me with a bemused expression and then shook her head. “It doesn’t have a name” she shouted at me. Quickly she skirted past me and disappeared into the middle of the crowd.

Suddenly, I heard a loud sound coming from the parking lot. A violent sound of thunder ensued and reverberated through the quaking ground. A large group of people started to run towards the parking lot.

I pushed through the crowd using my arms as battering rams and willed my legs to move quickly. I could feel the anxiety and fear welling up into my lungs, compelling me to scream--but for some reason I didn't. I knew what happened even before I got to Khalid's car. My husband was struck by lightning. When I finally arrived at the car Khalid’s eyes were closed, his breath was shallow and some blood was trickling out of his mouth. I yelled for someone to get a doctor, but no one moved. No one did anything but kept starring at us. Khalid wasn’t dying, I could tell, but he was badly injured. I knew he needed a doctor. I was determined to find a way out of this town and find help.

I looked over the expanse of water and noticed the bridge had disappeared. In panic I scanned the entire horizon hoping to find that bridge, but it was not there. In fact, there weren’t any bridges to be seen from any direction. The island was completely cut off.

Khalid recovered a bit after awhile but we found ourselves stuck on that island: the island that didn’t have a name. I don’t know how long we were there but it was quite awhile. After a time we noticed a mist was coming over the water from the distance. As it came closer we noticed that three different bridges were materializing from the mist. On those bridges were hundreds of cars and they were driving in the direction of the island. The last thing I remember was feeling an incredible relief wash over me. Finally we could get off the island.

The most interesting thing about this dream was it happened in early July of 2008, right around the time the judges had made a decision regarding Khalid's 2nd circuit court hearing.

Is this prophetic? I don't know exactly. At least the first part seems to correlate with actual events. Khalid being hit by lightening seems to portend the judges decision. The second part, about being stranded on an unnamed island-- might foretell Khalid being in immigration limbo. But the last part I have no idea how to interpret. Does the bridge materializing mean Khalid gets out of immigration limbo? does the relief we feel in the dream mean things will work out in our favor--in the end? What happens to us?

None of these questions will be answered until Khalid's immigration status is rectified..and we have no idea how long that will take. Stay tuned.....

A Birthday party in Kuwait

Facebook is wonderful! It has its drawbacks…for sure. As an example, many of the applications are cheesy. For the most part, joining Facebook has been a positive experience and has allowed me to reconnect to old friends I haven’t heard from in years. One of the best things about Facebook has been connecting with Khalid’s sister in Kuwait. She has recently “friended” me on Facebook-- and since that day I have felt like a part of Khalid’s family.

Khalid has a special place in his heart for his sister and always speaks of her in glowing terms. He describes her as a generous, warm, caring woman: someone who would go to great lengths to help someone in need. I have spoken to her a few times over the telephone and I get the same impression. She has always treated me with respect, warmth and a welcoming spirit, despite the fact that she has never met me.

She has allowed me a glimpse into her life in Kuwait. I cannot describe in words what this has meant to Khalid and I. She has posted many pictures of her beautiful family. I especially love the pictures she posted of a family trip to Entertainment City in Kuwait: a large and brightly colored amusement park set within a lush and palm tree bespeckled landscape. These pictures showcase a lovely and elegant woman with a lively smile and a young son with an impish yet infectious grin.

Today she posted pictures of her daughter’s first birthday party. Khalid’s sister is wearing a beautiful royal purple outfit with dangling earrings and an intricate purple beaded necklace. (I always notice beaded necklaces because I design and make them myself) Her daughter is a lovely child, dressed in a shimmery gold dress with matching headband. Her attention is occupied by a large birthday cake with a large motif of Barbie encased on the frosting. In the corner is a closed pink flower candle that unfolds magically when lite.

Even though I love perusing these pictures I can’t help but feel a tinge of sadness. Khalid and I would love to be a part of his sister’s life. We want to spend time with her and her family. For now..that dream is regretfully on hold.

I make this promise to Khalid’s sister: I will do whatever I can to make it possible for you to see your brother again. Once this immigration nightmare is over we will travel together to Kuwait and spend some time with you and your family. Perhaps, in the not so distant future we can attend a birthday party in Kuwait.

Parchment and deceit--Part 2

I started running even before my brain consciously registered the danger. Khalid grabbed my hand and pushed me in front of him. The sudden change in motion caused a momentary loss of balance and I almost fell over a log in the path ahead of me. I quickly regained my physical equilibrium but my emotional state was not as easy to redeem. Something was amiss. The ominous footsteps behind us had ceased. Everything in the courtyard was stagnant and silent. Trouble was close at hand.

Suddenly, darkness descended upon us and I looked towards the sky long enough to see the large silhouette of the dragon flying overhead. The dragon’s body nose-dived and appeared ready to swoop down upon us.

I motioned for Khalid to look up with a twitching hand. I heard an unintelligible exclamation coming from his mouth as he pushed me painfully through and underneath a large hedge of hydrangea bushes.

“We’ve got to get inside that castle” Khalid said, while shaking his head in frustration. “I have to get inside and find the emancipation chamber. That is where I will find the document that proves the King granted me asylum.”

Khalid is a from Caldonian: a small kingdom located in the farthest reaches of the Ander Mountains. Caldonians are feared by my people because they possess a rare ability. They are masters at interpreting body language and perceiving subtle shifts in vocal tones. This sensitivity allows them to uncover deceit and strong emotions.

As a result of their abilities, Caldonians were considered dangerous and a security risk. My home of Wyndsber has a long history of war, strife, and economic calamities-- so the act of scapegoating: blaming a particular group for the kingdom's woes--was not unusual.

About ten years ago the Wyndsber ruler at the time, a ruthless man by the name of King Burrik, made a proclamation that Caledonians were a menace to society and must leave the Kingdom immediately. They were given a choice: either leave voluntarily or be imprisoned and forcibly removed—or worse. Burrik’s propaganda machine worked tirelessly to convince the public that Caldonians were evil deviants that only used their abilities to harm people.

This harsh tactic was necessary because Burrik ignored normal protocol when The High King died. Rather than sending an emissary to fetch the rightful heir of the throne he seized it for himself. He claimed the actual heir had died in battle. The Caldonians in the court uncovered the corruption, verified that the rightful heir was alive and threatened to expose the deceit. Consequently, Burrik did not want his sins to be unveiled by the intrusiveness and inconvenience of any Caledonians so he decided to rid himself of this one small problem.

Subsequently, all Caledonians were publicly executed and a proclamation was issued that demanded all other Caldonians leave the kingdom immediately or face the same fate. Any Caldonians that did not leave: whether from illness, family attachments or compulsion, were detained and placed in prison. The prison conditions were so deplorable that many died of starvation or exposure. Any who survived were rounded up and either killed on the spot or deposited in the treacherous Ander Mountains to die there.

Summoned by the Caldonians, Cantis Nuray--the rightful heir to the throne-- came back from his travels and accused Burrik of seizing the throne without proper authority. Nuray insisted that he was the next in line and he should have been notified. A brutal battle ensued between Burrik’s supporters and Nuray’s. The battle lasted three months and it appeared that Buttrik’s army would be victorious, but suddenly, hundreds of soldier’s became ill and died on the battlefield. Only Nuray’s army was immune. By the end of the month only Burrik and a handful of followers remained. They quickly took shelter within the Obsidian Forest.

Cantis Nuray became Wyndsber’s new regent and a brief period of calm settled over the weary nation. Nuray was a fair and noble ruler and during his short reign peace and prosperity descended on the land. Although King Nuray could not completely overturn Burrik’s old proclamation banning Caldonians from Wyndsber he tried to lessen the effects. Burrik’s propaganda was successful and he had poisoned a substantial percentage of the populace against Caldonians. King Nuray knew that any sudden measure to allow mass migrations into Wyndsber would result in significant uprisings.

Instead, he decided to grant asylum to a few trusted Caldonians he had met and befriended while abroad. Having these Caldonians was helpful to Nuray in many ways. Imagine the advantages of having advisers who can perceive the deceit and manipulations of any enemies to the throne. Eventually, when the fear subsided, Nuray was planning on opening the borders between both kingdoms..

My husband was one of the few Caledonian advisers to King Nuray. He swore an oath before the King and three of his clerics to uphold the honor of the King and to keep all revelations secret. After the ceremony they presented Khalid with an official document that outlined his asylum status. This document was to be kept within the walls of the emancipation chamber and sealed in a vault. Only two keys for the vault were made, one for the King and one for the individual Caldonian.

Caldonians were advised to keep their nationality a secret-- but if a situation arose that revealed their identity, they could appeal to the King and verify their asylum status with the document. The clerics put a charm on the document and the Caledonian so that the asylum status was ensured even if the King Nuray died. No person could kill a Caldonian with asylum status without incurring death himself.

Or, at least that’s what my husband was told—indeed what he thought, until Burrik came back.

A Pleasant Diversion

Since I met Khalid in 2005, we have taken occasional short trips throughout New York State. Despite the precariousness of Khalid’s current immigration status and the obvious day to day angst we experience we have managed to enjoy life and take a few short excursions this summer.

Khalid says it’s important for us to have something to look forward to while in the midst of this immigration nightmare. Even though we never go anyplace fancy, and don’t spend a lot of money the benefits we accrue from these short trips are immeasurable. As a bonus, we get to explore the wonders of our own backyard. As R.E.M. sang in the 80's "Stand in the place where you live."

Until meeting Khalid, I never really knew how beautiful, interesting and unusual New York State is. There are many lovely and extraordinary places to explore, including The Genesee Country Village and Museum, Sonnenburg Gardens and The Farmer’s Museum.

One of the nicest places we’ve visited this summer is Sodus Point, New York. It is near Oswego and located right on Lake Ontario: one the most beautiful lakes in the world. Not that I am biased or anything. I had never heard of this village before meeting Khalid, and without him I may have never discovered what has become one of my favorite places.

Sodus Point consists of a quaint little village on Lake Ontario with wonderful cafes and beautiful vistas. There is a large park that consists of various eateries, beaches, a playground for children, and a large pier with a little lighthouse at the end. The walk to the lighthouse is very nice, however--if you go there beware of rogue waves that cascade over the pier walls and prepare for gusty winds!

While walking on the pier my eyes began to play tricks on me because the visual sensation was akin to being near the ocean. Lake Ontario is so large that you cannot see the other side of the shoreline. The water just fades into the horizon making it appear that you are near the sea and not just a mere lake.

After spending a significant time on the pier and witnessing Khalid’s meager luck at fishing we decided to take a jaunt to The Sodus Point Lighthouse which is located on 7606 N. Ontario Street. The gardens are immaculate and obviously well preened. Many weddings have taken place at this picturesque juncture, with arbors adorned with vines and flowers, mounds of hostas, lilies, and Russian sage all strategically placed in front of the beautiful backdrop of Lake Ontario.

In addition to the beach, pier and the lighthouse there are many beautiful houses in Sodus Point. One of my favorites is a pale yellow and pink Victorian painted lady. If I ever owned a Victorian house this would be the one. I absolutely love the colors and the location. I can see myself sipping pink lemonade on the attached covered gazebo and reading a book--or blogging! It's a nice dream...

There is a beautiful B&B in Sodus Point called The Carriage House. It is a short distance from the lighthouse. I plan on scheduling a stay there for Khalid and I during a weekend in early September. A few days of peace and relaxation will be wonderful and quite necessary before we have to travel to Albany in October!

Casting the first stone...and the second..and the third..

I like Barack Obama. I voted for him and watched the entire inauguration with tears in my eyes and hope within my heart: like millions of other Americans. But recently, I've become concerned about a reoccurring tendency of Obama to lecture other countries about human rights violations, injustice, and torture despite the fact that these vices are common and sanctioned within contemporary American politics. Normally, this wouldn't concern me because this is common political propaganda. But--somehow, all of this self-righteous posturing feels more problematic when coming from the mouth of Barack: a man whose idealistic underpinnings seem sincere. Honestly, before we start criticizing other countries for their intolerance, their injustice, their human rights violations we need to do some serious soul-searching right here at home.

All of this has arisen from the recent Presidential trip to Ghana and the resulting plethora of speech transcripts available on the Internet. I read the following which got my brain shifted into overdrive:

http://swampland.blogs.time.com/2009/07/11/barack-obamas-speech-to-africa/

Although Barack was his usual articulate and pragmatic self, I feel there was one particular section that struck me as particularly vexing:

"You have the power to hold your leaders accountable, and to build institutions that serve the people."

Wow! How about holding our leaders accountable for their actions and start building institutions that serve the people here in the United States rather than intricate bureaucracies that pander to wealthy corporations? Once we have a handle on those noble aspirations then we can rightfully preach to other countries.

Additionally, our former high ideals and priorities as an egalitarian American "democracy" have been lost. Hope and empathy have been replaced by fear and hatred. This can be seen in the recent change in the allotment of national capital. Money that used to be spent on public services: including rehabilitation programs, education and training, financial assistance for low income individuals, and various social programs too numerous to mention, have now been redistributed into programs centered around militarization, security concerns, retribution and punishment. These programs include the ever expanding and profit-centered industrial prison complex, the immigration system that has abandoned any of the previous humanitarian concerns it once had in favor of the criminalization and the deportation of immigrants by the millions, and the oppressive, inefficient and secretive Department of Homeland Security.

How does the "possible" threat of public welfare via terrorism trump the "existing" threats of poverty, disease and marginalization that are a reality for a large percentage of the overall population?

In regards to injustice, I read the following article at the suggestion of one of my friends on Facebook. It is the most obvious example of American injustice I have recently come across. Coincidentally, the victim of this story is Eric Frimpong, a Ghana immigrant and former soccer star who has been accused and convicted of rape. Interestingly enough, he was convicted without ANY physical evidence. How is this possible? The most likely explanation involves the current wave of racism and xenophobia that has gripped the nation. Please read the following ESPN article:

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/news/story?

One of the most poignant sections of the article were contained in the following quote:

“If his supporters could chime in now, they'd say that the kid in the prison garb has never spoken an unkind word or acted aggressively toward anyone. They would remind the court of the points made at trial: that his accuser was a woman with little memory of what happened that night because of a near-toxic blood alcohol level; that Frimpong's DNA wasn't found on the victim; that semen found on her underwear belonged to a jealous boyfriend, a white student who was never a suspect. They would argue that overzealous law enforcement was determined to nail a high-profile athlete, facts be damned, and that this was the Duke lacrosse case all over again -- except that the defendants in the Duke case were white men from affluent families with the means to navigate America's justice system, unlike Frimpong, who is poor and an immigrant.”

Injustice, torture and human rights violations happen right here in America. We cannot have an authentic dialogue with other nations about injustice, torture or human rights violations unless we actively seek to illuminate and correct transgressions within our own borders or jurisdiction. Until we acknowledge and stop the torture tactics we have used on prisoner's overseas, or immigrants housed unconstitutionally in detention centers across the nation we cannot lecture other nations on their brutalization. Until we identify injustice and racism within our own judicial system we have no right to condemn other culture's for their injustice. We cannot in good conscience express disdain for another nation's human rights violations until we cease militarized aggressions overseas or the systematic marginalization, torture or the denial of basic constitutional rights to immigrants on our shores.

Here is another quote from the article on Eric Frimpong. The speaker is the Caucasian surrogate mother who was sponsoring Eric's stay in America:

"Eric believed in our system," she says. "He believed justice would prevail."

My husband said exactly the same thing to me just before his 2nd circuit court hearing

The Perfect Immigrant

My grandfather was an immigrant. His name was Garnet Higgins and he was an important man. Of course, important is a relative word. To be specific--he was an important man within the confines of the little town of Sauquoit, New York and the surrounding rural area. You see, he was the only doctor within miles who still made house calls. A doctor who made house calls well into the 1960's was a rarity, much like a precious jewel—hence the name Garnet. In addition, he was one of the few doctors who tended to the poor immigrants, farmers and disabled in the area; regularly accepting produce, eggs and the occasional chicken as "payment" for his services. As a young girl, my mother fondly remembers seeing stacks of food piled behind the pantry doors, given in appreciation for services my grandfather provided.

Even today, when I mention my grandfather’s name in a large group of elderly people there are inevitably some who remember him and speak of him fondly. Just by being his granddaughter my social prestige is elevated within any group that recalls his name. It is astounding to me, that 42 years after his death, people still remember him vividly and describe him as a kindhearted, respectful, unselfish and elegant gentleman.

But there was a dark side to my grandfather. Despite being a personable, kind, and a capable doctor, he was also an alcoholic. He never drank while he was working, but after a long day of taking care of anxious mothers, colicky babies, the abused, infirm and chronically ill, he would seek sanctuary within the walls of a local bar. Sometimes he would not come home to his wife and three daughters until late at night when everyone was asleep.

Why did he turn to alcohol? I have no clear answers. Obviously, it wasn't something the family was interested in exploring. Alcoholism, along with a host of other personal vices, is veiled behind the facade of polite society. Perhaps he was trying to blunt the dissatisfaction he felt for a career he had no passion for. His parents wanted him to go to medical school, but Garnet wanted to do something more creative. By all accounts, he was an accomplished classical pianist. He had dreams of touring the world and playing his beloved music in front of appreciative audiences, celebrities and world leaders. Unfortunately, his parents thought such an aspiration was impractical and coerced him into going to medical school in the United States.

Maybe he was unhappy in his home life. After taking care of numerous people in the community maybe it was just too much to come home and deal with the needs of a demanding wife and three young daughters. There are a million possible reasons for alcoholism.

Although my grandfather was a good man and a productive member of the community-- he was not perfect. No one is. Each of us have done reckless, stupid, immoral and hurtful things or had to make tough choices that go against the mores of society. However, within this contemporary rhetoric about immigration reform there is a lot of talk about what kind of immigrants deserve to become a part of American life. Unfortunately, this definition is a narrow one and not many immigrants—or even American citizens-- would fit into.

These "perfect immigrants" are illusory constructs. They do not exist. No immigrant is free of "complications". An immigrant's life is a series of vulnerabilities, hardships and marginalization. These are intensified if the immigrant has dark skin, speaks a different language, or comes from a non-European culture. In order to survive and provide for their families some immigrants are forced to make hard decisions that put them at odds with the law: laws that are unnecessarily harsh, oftentimes arbitrary and always contradictory. This includes immigrants who cross the border in order to make a living wage, are compelled to join their relatives in the States without inspection or asylum seekers who buy forged documents to enter the United States-- because if they used their own identities the government’s they are fleeing from would likely catch, imprison and kill them. All of these instances are considered crimes within the U.S. immigration judicial system and considered deportable offenses regardless of any mitigating circumstances.

Based on these stringent guidelines, it is quite possible that if my grandfather lived in today’s American society he would be considered an imperfect immigrant and would be deported. All the good he did as a physician, all the positive works he did in the community would be rendered irrelevant. Instead of being an important and intregal member of American society, he would have become disposable.

What all this means for us...

As a result of this legal labyrinth my husband is considered inadmissible which means he is unable to adjust his status to legal permanent resident. Even though he is not deportable based on the conviction, through the stealthy flick of a magic wand the immigration judge determined he was deportable based on his VISA overstay. That is what his deportation mandate says: "deportable due to overstay violation." He can't rectify his VISA overstay because he is inadmissible based on his "crime" (i.e attempt at self preservation) which is considered a "particularly serious crime". It goes around in a circle: overstay----particularly serious crime---denied asylum---inadmissible---can't adjust status--overstay, etc: with no way to get out of the loop.

I recently spoke to a reporter from California who was flabbergasted that he was being deported based on an overstay violation yet he was married to an American citizen. Apparently, she is familiar with a lot of Mexican immigrant cases in which the individuals had overstayed their VISA's but had been allowed to stay because they are married to U.S. citizens. I had no explanations for her, other than the circle metaphor I wrote about in the previous paragraph.

She kept asking if he had ever left the United States and tried to re-enter without inspection. I told her "no" at least three times. And then she couldn't believe that he was being deported based on overstay and not on the conviction. I explained to her that the one conviction of reckless endangerment is not a deportable offense. I told her I would be happy to send copies of official documents that corroborate what I was saying. At the end of the conversation she said that his case is unlike any she has ever encountered and that basically it was too complicated for her but she would pass the story onto a co-worker in New York.

The honest truth about Khalid's situation is it has not followed any predictable or standard format for immigration cases. I believe the reason for this is because he is Muslim and has dark skin. I have done enough research and read enough books to confirm my hypothesis. Despite the experiences of the reporter in California, there are numerous cases of Muslim men, married to American citizens, who have been deported based on overstay alone. Oftentimes, the man has not overstayed and is a legal permanent resident, or has a green card pending but is deported anyway. There is a documentary entitled Out of Status that outlines just such a case. If you can get it I recommend viewing it--it will knock your socks off.

Khalid was simply at the wrong place (U.S.) at the wrong time (2001)and was caught up in the moral panic that ensued against Muslims shortly after 9/11. Based on his name, where he came from and his religion--and not on who he actually was-- he was labelled as a possible terrorist. When Homeland Security found out otherwise it was too late. The damage had been done, too many mistakes had already been made and the case had gone too far for them to admit they were wrong. The cards were stacked against Khalid the first time he went before an immigration judge. Once he was deemed deportable it did not matter how much money Khalid spent or what his lawyers said or tried to undue, he would never be able to shake that horrible label.

As far as lawyers go, they have been impotent at best. I honestly don't think most immigration lawyers have the knowledge or appropriate experience to deal with a case as complex as Khalid's. We have been told different things from different lawyers on what Khalid's status as inadmissible means. Some have told us that he cannot file his waivers or the paperwork that would allow him to adjust his status to that of legal permanent resident here in the United States. Instead, he would have to travel to India and file the paperwork with the Indian consulate. Then the State department would have the option of denying it and making Khalid wait another 1-3 years.

Yet, another lawyer said that because Homeland Security misplaced his passports he does have the option of filing for an adjustment of status. But it would be a long shot. A better option would be to hire a lawyer to overturn the conviction. Of course, this would require excessive amounts of money, that honestly, we just don't have.

Another possibility; and by the way, this is not coming from a lawyer but rather a personal suspicion (not unreasonable in light of how difficult my husband's case has been): the State department could refuse to let him back in the country at all. This is despite the fact that he qualifies for a waiver stating he is eligible because it has been over 15 years since the conviction. Mercy, do the complications ever end???

The few positive aspects of all this include the following: Khalid came to the States legally, has a social security number, a work permit, has been paying taxes, plus he’s married to a U.S. citizen. This should work in our favor! Because of these factors he should not be barred from re-entering the normal 10-20 years undocumented immigrants normally are(immigrants who enter without papers and/or without inspection). But then again—his case has not followed standard procedures: so it is nearly impossible to predict what will happen.

So..what does this all mean for us? We are kept guessing at what our future holds. We cannot make plans to buy a house or have a family. We have to show up at Homeland Security at intervals of time, scheduled at their discretion. It could be monthly or every three months. We cannot go away on vacation outside of New York for more than 3 days without notifying Homeland Security. It's possible our phones are being monitored. We are living in a soft cage--but a cage none-the-less. In essence, what all this means is we cannot really plan our future because we don't know if we have one.

Khalid's Life: Part II

When Iraq invaded Kuwait on August 2, 1990, Khalid’s family fled their home and left everything behind. Family members scattered to various countries seeking safety. One sister eventually went back to Kuwait after several years only to find the family’s home destroyed by heavy Iraqi artillery.

As a result of the war his father had lost his job and could no longer finance Khalid’s education. Consequently, Khalid was left without a homeland to return to and the grim prospect of dropping out of college to fend for himself as best he could. His father, fearing for his son’s safety, encouraged Khalid to stay in the United States, at least until there was a stable home to return to. That time never came.

In 1991 he moved from Oklahoma to Utica, New York. While in Utica, he obtained employment as a taxi driver. However, Khalid soon realized that working as a taxi driver in Utica in the early 1990’s was a hazardous profession. Many taxi drivers were assaulted and robbed and there was at least one documented fatality.
At 12:30 on a summer night in 1993, while filling out some paperwork in his cab, he was threatened by four individuals: individuals that Khalid felt meant him physical harm.

In order to defend himself he shot a gun into the air. Unfortunately, Khalid was only familiar with Oklahoma’s permissive gun laws and was not aware that New York state required guns to be registered. Regardless, his intention was never to hurt anyone; he merely wanted to scare them away. Indeed, no one was hurt, nor was any property damaged. The police report confirms that he was approached and harassed by a group of people-- two of whom had previous convictions. Ultimately, this information was disregarded but significance was attached to the firing of an unregistered gun.

He fully cooperated with the police but despite this he was arrested and taken into custody. When the District Attorney agreed to lower the charges to 3rd degree reckless endangerment, a minor infraction that did not result in jail time, but the presiding judge refused to take the plea. Thankfully, the gun violation was dropped but my husband was charged with 1st degree reckless endangerment. He served 4 months of his 6 month sentence due to good behavior.

After his release, Khalid was looking forward to putting the conviction behind him. Unfortunately, fate had other plans. After 9/11, fear seeped into the dark crevices in American’s psyches and secured its predatory talons into our quaking flesh. Consequently, many Americans concluded if a few extremists can be callous enough to take innocent lives, than by extension, all Muslims must be dangerous. Unfortunately, this is an assumption based on fear and ignorance and has been exploited by American leaders to expand their own Imperialistic agenda, and is not based on empirical fact.

In retribution, the United States government began a systematic and intense operative in removing Muslim and Arab immigrants from this country. Although many were in the United States illegally, the assault was also felt by legal immigrants and even U.S. citizens with Muslim and Arab backgrounds.

In 2001, my husband was unmarried, Muslim and had residential ties to Kuwait: one of the flagged countries suspected of housing terrorists. As a result of these factors and his electronic expertise, Khalid fit the profile the U.S. government implemented for identifying suspected terrorists.

After 2001, Khalid became immersed in a legal immigration nightmare. The judge presiding over Khalid’s original immigration case determined that he was deportable based on his one conviction of reckless endangerment. If reckless endangerment was considered an aggravated felony than the judge would have been correct. However, reckless endangerment is considered a crime of moral turpitude. In order for a crime of moral turpitude to be considered a deportable crime, the individual in question would have to commit one crime of moral turpitude within five years of arriving in the States or-- failing to qualify in that regards-- would need to commit two crimes of moral turpitude. My husband’s situation did not qualify as deportable based on these criteria.

Consequently, my husband remanded this decision to the Board of Immigration Appeals. The BIA agreed that the one crime of moral turpitude is not deportable. Additionally, they determined that he was eligible for asylum, a form of relief the immigration judge denied him-- unless his crime was considered a particularly serious crime. Subsequently, the immigration judge proclaimed that Khalid’s crime was a particularly serious crime and therefore, he was denied asylum and considered deportable.

Once again, Khalid appealed the decision to the BIA. They agreed it was a particularly serious crime, which denied him asylum, but did not concur deportability based on the conviction. Despite the BIA’s reluctance in issuing a deportation mandate, my husband was apprehended at his home in 2003 and deposited in a detention facility in Batavia New York. He languished in detention for over eight months, despite having legal papers, a valid passport and repeatedly imploring the detention officers to return him to India. During this unconstitutional imprisonment, Khalid lost his livelihood, his freedom and his house.

To digress to legal explanations, the usage of the term “particularly serious crime” is predominately an ambiguous designation. An unfortunate consequence of the 2nd circuit decision in my husband’s case is the ability of immigration judges to apply this designation to any conviction, even without evidence of violence, criminal intent or premeditation. Although this law could be applied to any immigrant, it was most often utilized against Muslims and Arabs.

Indeed, this tendency to single out this particular ethnic population continued in the passing of other security measures including the absconder apprehension initiative, and the Muslim immigrant registration process. The Migration Policy Institute conducted a survey of Muslims detained after 9/11 entitled: America’s Challenge: Domestic Security, Civil Liberties and National Unity after September 11th. They found the overall deportations of Muslims increased substantially in the years following the tragedy of 9/11.

Fears of deportations and the implementation of ethnic specific laws effectively alienated most Muslims from their communities and severely restricted their lives. The report explains in the following excerpt:

“As a general immigration enforcement measure, the absconder apprehension initiative is legitimate and important. However, after September 11 the government changed the character of the program to make it nationality-specific. This has marginal security benefits, while further equating national origin with dangerousness, although stepped-up absconder apprehension efforts are eventually to encompass all nationalities, this has not happened so far.”


There is no indication that any of the men who were deterred at detention centers were actually a menace to American society. The majority of detainees were non-violent, had family ties in the States and had been residents for a considerable amount of time. They do not fit the established profile of a real terrorist. As the report discusses:

“Most importantly, from our research it appears that the government’s major successes in apprehending terrorists have not come from post-September 11 detentions but from other efforts such as international intelligence initiatives, law enforcement cooperation, and information provided by arrests made abroad. A few noncitizens detained after September 11 have been characterized as terrorists, but the charges brought against them were actually for routine immigration violations or unrelated crimes.”

The actual result of these measures has not resulted in a safer country. Instead, we have created a society that is alienated, fragmented and unnecessarily fearful and distrustful of each other. Rather than safety, these legal statutes have resulted in instability and the eradication of numerous personal liberties. The Migration Policy Institute explains:

“The government’s use of immigration law as a primary means of fighting terrorism has substantially diminished civil liberties and stigmatized Arab- and Muslim-American communities in this country. These measures, which were primarily targeted at Muslims, have diminished the openness of U.S. society and eroded national unity.”

The problem with this stigmatization is that people operate under the illusion that it is easy to identify the enemy. The underlying assumption remains: If Muslims are inherently evil and are easy to identify, with their conspicuous facial hair and strange clothing; it will be easy to banish them from our country. Only then will we be safe. This sounds eerily familiar. In times of crises, many civilizations have implemented similar magical and dangerous thinking.

One does not need to go far back into America’s history to find such an example. Consider, for instance, the practice of sending thousands of Japanese-Americans to internment camps during World War II. Now, after years of reflection, most Americans would agree this was not the right thing to do. In fact, many Japanese interned were later awarded monetary compensation as a symbol of America’s regret.

We’ve deluded ourselves into thinking that evil dons a readily identifiable mask. Evil doers wear peculiar clothing and speak strange languages. We don’t want to admit that evil is elusive. We want comfort in an uncertain world so we concoct a fictional reality where we can identify “the other” as the cause of our suffering and uncertainty. As long as our attention is exclusively occupied by eradicating this evil then we don’t have to look at the reality before us. Evil dons many masks and unlike humans, it does not discriminate.

Khalid's Early Life

My husband does not speak often about his life before arriving in the United States. Although I shouldn't speak for him-- I surmise that life was rough for his family for various reasons. They were Indian immigrants residing in an alien Arabic landscape with different customs, language and religious observations. Even though they were Muslim (except for his mother who was Christian)I'm sure the interpretation of Islam was slightly different in India then in a traditional Arabic nation. Such circumstances can make a person--or family-- feel vulnerable, alone and anxious.

Additionally, Khalid expresses a certain amount of detachment from his Mother and Father--partly as a result of the forced separation and also based on his upbringing. His father was a stern man and believed in bringing his children up with a strict interpretation of Islam. Khalid was forced to don a professional, pious attitude at all times, even wearing a suit to school and attending prayer the required 5 times per day--every day.

His mother was a traditional Indian woman who probably had far too much to do; after taking care of six children and a husband-- then to focus too much attention exclusively on her 2nd oldest child.

Please understand--I am in no way expressing any disdain for Islam as a belief-system. Islam is a peace-loving religion and I have had the privilege of befriending many lovely Muslim people. I have respect for Islam as well as Christianity and Judaism--even though I choose to worship differently.

To get back to the main point...Khalid left India at the age of six and relocated with his family to Kuwait City, Kuwait. His father was a civil engineer who found ample employment in Kuwait as a result of the fledgling oil industry. With his father's new found success the family was able to afford a comfortable home, a large American made car and other small luxuries. Luxuries that would not have been obtainable in India

For an intelligent and academically-minded youngster like Khalid, the household was too chaotic for doing any sustained studying, so he would go next door to one of the empty company sponsored homes, sneak in and complete his homework in refreshing silence.

He showed an early aptitude for electronic tinkering. Khalid often relates the story of one of the first times he showed such an aptitude: an instance that got him into a lot of trouble with his father. Sometime in the early 1980's, when boom boxes were at their peak of popularity, his father proudly purchased an advanced specimen and presented it to his excited family. Khalid was completely mesmerized by the electronic device, so when his father was occupied elsewhere, Khalid took it--and dismantled it in an effort to figure out how it worked. Unfortunately, his electronic expertise was unrefined at this juncture and he was unable to put it back in working order. Obviously, his father was just a tad unhappy when he came home to see his precious music player in disarray.

When Khalid turned 18, he applied to various American universities for electrical engineering. Out of the three that accepted him, his father encouraged him to attend Oklahoma State University because the city had a cohesive and substantial Muslim community. He secured a student VISA and arrived in Oklahoma in 1987. After acclimating to the culture of an American university he obtained good grades and found a supportive community. He was planning on spending four years in the States and then upon securing his degree, return to Kuwait and exercise his new found skills. Unfortunately, due to various circumstances, that were completely out of his control, Khalid's plans went awry. More on this in a subsequent post.