It was inevitable. After the Boston marathon bombings I was going to be asked a lot of questions. Most Americans are afraid of being "politically incorrect" so they veil their curiosity by indirect reference to the latest story of a Muslim women being stoned to death, or an unstable Muslim man controlling his wife's every action.
I recognize the signs now. After every newsworthy story of a Muslim committing some type of violence certain people in my life have to go out of their way to ask me how I feel about it. In addition, they make sure they point out every nuance of every story they've heard that paints Muslims in an unattractive light and then conclude by saying: isn't that horrible?"
So, for once--and only once-- I'm going to answer these spoken and unspoken questions:
1). No, my husband does not control me. He does not tell me what to eat, how to pray, where to go, what to do nor who to see. No one could ever control me because I have been a free and independant spirit my entire life. I have never followed the herd mentality and never will. It's my nature. I would earnestly kick any man--or women for that matter-- forcefully to the curb if he/she did try to control me.
2). No, my husband isn't violence, quick to anger nor has he ever hit or harmed me in anyway. My husband is a gentle soul and treats everyone, including animals with dignity and respect. I would never associate with anyone who is mean or violent. I abhor any form of violence, whether passive or active. I would never stay with a man who did hurt me or anyone I know.
3). No, my husband has never tried to convert me to Islam. Yes, he encouraged me to read the Qur'an and I did. I consider it a beautiful religious text. I don't see anything misogynistic in it. Like any religious text you need to understand it in the context of the time period it was written in. Times and situations have changed. As far as converting to Islam: I never will, nor will I convert to any monotheistic religion. Although I have respect for these religions--and all others--I cannot follow them for ideological reasons too numerous to list here. The best way to describe my spirituality is to characterize it as Agnostic Pagan. In Forrest Gump's immortal words: that's all I'm saying about that....
4). Yes--I do not serve my husband pork. Why? Because I respect him, his religion and his wishes. If we do go out to eat I occasionally order pork and my husband doesn't mind. No, I don't miss it, well. except for the occasional roast pork. I love pork roast with apple sauce, mashed potatoes and gravy. So- if you are ever making the aforemntioned meal--please consider inviting me to dinner!
5). Yes, I am a Pagan and a feminist and no--my husband isn't threatened by this fact.I'm not going to blow sunshine up your butt and say we agree about everything; that would be untrue and unrealistic. Occasionally we do disagree on certain key issues but we are mature adults and get over it.
6). No, my husband isn't Arab. He is from India and is Southeast Asian. Cursiously, he doesn't self-identify as such. I get the impression that self-identifying as a particular race is predominately an American obsession. We adore our labels and are compelled to label everything as "such and such." Not that other world citizens don't label other people, but they don't seem to be compelled in quite the same fervor as Americans.
7). Yes, my husband is dismayed and angry at any terrorist action whether committed by a Muslim or not. My husband abhors violence of any kind--well, except the Hollywood version of violence. Like most American males he loves action movies--and if there isn't at least one gratuitous car explosion its not worth watching.
However, after living in the Middle East for a significant time in his younger years he understands the frustration many Middle Eastern people feel over the policies of America--and the West in general--that have impacted their lives in a negative way. Most Middle Easterners do not hate Americans but oftentimes they do not agree with American foreign policy. Additionally, there is a small but dangerous minority of Middle Easterners who do hate Americans and want to inflict harm. This is the reality and has been, in part, facilitated by the actions of Western leaders. Fact. Period. If you don't understand this concept I suggest you look into the policies and history of Western actions in the region. This has a long history but for a modern understanding I'd recommend starting by researching the European partitioning of the Ottoman Empire in the early 1900's.
8). Yes, despite growing up in different areas of the world we have many things in common. a few of these include; the same taste in music, similar ethical and moral values, introverted nature, a fondness for peace and serenity, distaste for gossip, pettiness and superficiality, a love of travel, fondness for ethnic cuisines, etc.
9). No, the women in my husband's family are not compelled to wear the hijab or the burqa. My husband's family is from India so they do not prescribe to the (largely) regional dictate of wearing these forms of coverings. As an aside: some of my husband's family is Christian, not Muslim. Yeah, I know it gets complicated. It's a multi-cultural world after all!
10). Yes, I am extremely proud and honored to be married to a wonderful man who happens to be Muslim. I understand that his Muslim upbringing has contributed in significant ways to the man I know and love today. I wouldn't have it any other way. And that's all I have to say about that...
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