London is Burning and Black Boys on Mopeds

I am sick of watching faux news on television. And no…I’m not just talking about Fox News. In this curious era of distracting spectacle, misleading rhetoric, censorship and smoke and mirror campaigns Fox News is not the only institution propagating innuendos and half-truths. For years the potent cocktail of raw and comprehensive news broadcasts has been slowly watered down by the media’s intentional use of superficial language designed to keep the public ignorant of the deeper significance of events in this increasingly precarious, globalized, and turbo-charged capitalistic world.

These simplifications belie the complexity and interconnected relationship between cause and effect and mask the root causes of human behavior played out upon the intricate backdrop of racism, poverty, increasing inequality and the systematic dismantling of social safety nets. As a result of politically sanctioned jargon, words are manipulated to downplay or exaggerate significance at the whim of policy makers. “Protestors” and “activists” become “reactionaries” or “fanatics”. Rich people are no longer referred to as “wealthy” but rather as “job creators”( an erroneous misnomer because it is actually small business owners that create the most jobs. The grotesquely rich are more apt to invest/hoard their money than use it to create jobs for the working or middle class.) Immigrants are often labeled “illegal” regardless of their actual status. Citizens who want to limit military intervention or who support gay marriage are labeled “bleeding heart liberals.” The concept of impartiality is completely alien to the moguls of mainstream, contemporary media. Everything has a spin: a spin that favors the law makers, the wealthiest citizens and the corporations; but simultaneously devalues or demonizes the interests of the working class.

The precipitous for this rant was a feature on NBC’s Nightly news about the riots in London. In particular I objected to the word “thugs” used in the description of the rioters/protesters which designated all those involved as engaging in “criminal activity.” Subsequent research illuminates the fact that that the night began with a peaceful demonstration of people protesting the violent and excessive force of police used against an unarmed man who was shot dead. In fact, the citizens of Tottenham ,for many years, organized peaceful protests, sit ins and other events to draw attention to their plight. Despite their efforts the media largely ignored them—that is—until they turned violent.

Tottenham has an impoverished history-- unknown to most of NBC’s viewers. Since the 1980’s—it has been a destination for immigrants from across the globe including African-Caribbean, Ghanaians, Colombians, Kurds, Turkish and Albanians to name a few. As most people know—or should know—immigrants are often segregated from native people in dilapidated urban areas. These centers become an inescapable geography of invisibility, vulnerability and hopelessness. People confined to these precarious geographies are marginalized in various ways because of their skin color and presupposition to poverty and simultaneously subjected to stringent scrutiny and police harassment.

According to Wikipedia “Tottenham has the highest unemployment rate in London and the 8th highest in the United Kingdom, and it has some of the highest poverty rates within the country”. Writer James Illingsworth states: “IT'S NO coincidence, of course, that these events are taking place in the poorest neighborhoods of London and other major cities. Youth in these areas have grown up in a climate of poverty and racism, facing regular police harassment, along with unemployment rates for youth that were already sky-high before the current economic crisis hit.” Of course, you won’t hear sentiments like this on American mainstream news. According to the press these people are “thugs” and “criminals”. According to Illingsworth the British media-- along with the ruling class-- has a similar message. He goes on to say: “The ruling class reaction to the unrest has been typically hypocritical and reactionary. Politicians, police commanders and media pundits alike have denounced the rebellion as "mindless criminality" .

Calling these individuals “thugs” without illuminating the back-story of the social, cultural and political catalysts that have caused the poor and working class to resort to violence is grievous at best, and journalistic negligence at its worst. People do not normally resort to violence and rioting unless nothing else has worked to alleviate their suffering. The world deserves to know what has caused this tragedy. Labeling these people as “thugs” and “criminals” does nothing to solve the problem—it only serves to cement their position as undesirables and therefore disposable.

I am reminded of a musician popular in the 1980’s: Sinead O’Connor, She wrote a song called Black Boys on Mopeds…which—interestingly enough deals with this very subject. She eloquently and distinctly characterizes this situation; one that has been going on for at least thirty years with the following phrase:

“England's not the mythical land of Madame George and roses
It's the home of police who kill black boys on mopeds
And I love my boy and that's why I'm leaving
I don't want him to be aware that there's
Any such thing as grieving.” ~Sinead O’Connor

I want to end this post by invoking James Illinsworth one last time”

“And when the tensions in people's lives--racism, increasing poverty, alienation and immiseration--reach a boiling point, those in power lecture about how "violence is wrong," without ever once acknowledging the daily violence in the lives of the poor and working-class people.”

The long hiatus

I’m back to blogging after a long hiatus. Although there isn’t a sufficient explanation for my negligence in updating my blog there are a few reasons for my absence. Some of these reasons include frustration, family issues, unrealistic expectations, and a little known malady I’ve dubbed “immigration burn out syndrome”. Some of these reasons are more relevant than others.

One reason I haven’t updated for awhile is because I feel frustration because no discernible changes have resulted from my blog. Unrealistic as my feeling is, I thought that if my blog went public it would incite people to ban together and fight injustice. It is disheartening to feel that people are complacent about something I am so passionate about. The old feminist adage “the personal is political is” is most definitely applicable in this case. Many people express dismay and empathy…but when it comes down to committing time and effort their passion wanes. It falters, not because they are insensitive and callous--but because it is not personal to them.

After a significant amount of soul-searching I realize I am expecting too much too soon. Changes rarely happen instantaneously: but instead-- occur in fits and starts over a long period of time. I want to make a difference in how people view the immigration issue and I want tangible evidence that I’m making progress in that direction. This is basically my ego issue. Like many Americans, I crave instant gratification in order to satiate a demanding ego. I have to accept the truth: life does not often reward humans with instant gratification nor is it particularly concerned with satiating our egos.

In all honesty--my commitment to various other social issues wanes also when time and energy is required. If money is needed, such as transportation to social justice events, I oftentimes cannot go. Even if I can go based on finances I can’t attend because of personal and educational commitments. We are so busy with our regular lives that there is little time for anything else. Activism is relegated to the bottom of life’s “to do list”. Oftentimes, even if we have the time, money and desire, we just don't know what to do to make the necessary changes.

At least if I didn’t get a group of activists together I was hoping I could get our story told by the media. Maybe it wouldn’t air on the local or national news but I thought that the independent news sources-- particularly those on the internet; like NPR, Breakthrough, Huffington Post or Alternet, might take on the story. I was wrong. No one wants to touch it.

I’ve spent many restless nights wondering why. At first I thought that Khalid’s conviction of reckless endangerment had something to do with it. Despite trying to save his own life, the “crime” rendered him an unsympathetic protagonist in the eyes of journalists. With the recent advent of stories surfacing of immigrants’ facing deportation who had committed even more serious offenses—I began to suspect that it wasn’t the conviction alone that was keeping Khalid’s story out of the media. There was something more.

I won’t deny the fact that I have felt there is some sort of “conspiracy” around Khalid’s case. The idea that someone was keeping his story out of the public consciousness was a plausible and scintillating explanation. There is a wealth of information that suggests there was-- and probably still is, a substantial amount of corruption in immigration law--both involving unqualified and racist judges and unscrupulous lawyers. How much the government is involved remains unclear, but manipulation behind the scenes is always a distinct possibility.

Everyone I have subsequently spoken to, who is in a similar immigration fix, has expressed at least one unpleasant experience with an unethical lawyer or an unconscionable judge. Additionally, there are examples of lawyers who are not educated in immigration law who are providing services to immigrants. Khalid and I had a disastrous experience with one such local lawyer. Despite the suppression of such experiences in the dominant media outlets I am comforted by my belief that in the future, information will surface that confirms my suspicion.

I still believe it is possible that there exists some conspiracy tendencies in Khalid’s case but now I’m convinced-after speaking with some journalists and reporters-- that Khalid’s case is far too complicated and “unbelievable” for most people to wrap their head around. Trying to form a rational analysis about Khalid’s case is not easy. There are so many twists and turns that it’s nearly impossible to make any sense of it all. I would not be surprised to hear that some people feel his story is unbelievable. There were times, early in our relationship, when I myself was skeptical. But, every time I have researched and followed up on Khalid’s story everything has always added up.

One of Khalid’s most common sayings when asked about his situation is: “It’s my case, I’ve lived it and even I can’t make sense out of it.” Truth is indeed stranger than fiction. Even I, with my vivid imagination, couldn’t have come up with a stranger story.

Reporters’ and journalists don’t want to touch Khalid’s case because it is so complicated and defies conventions of most other deportation cases. According to the law, most deportations are very cut and dried. An immigrant did this and this so we can use laws number 200188b and 309187c in order to justify deporting him or her. There is no framework to place Khalid’s situation because it is a 1 in 300 million case. It is unique. Basically, the judges have had to make it up as they go along. Flying by the seat of their pants wasn’t a major issue initially because Khalid had no ties to anyone in this country and was completely vulnerable to their whims.

That all changed when Khalid and I got married. All of a sudden they had to find a rationale to deport him. They designed a tenable legal labyrinthine in order to deport him that resulted in the most mundane of reasons for deportation: overstay. Overstay is generally overcome by being married to an American citizen. They had to create a complicated and convoluted explanation for something so simple. For those who are listening— that should speak volumes.

A Biometrics appointment

We did it! We got through the biometrics appointment! It was really quite simple, painless and fast! The worst part is getting up so early in the morning. It is one hours drive to Syracuse, New York so we had to be up at 6AM at the latest!

Well... we actually got up at 6:20PM. Basically, it was every man...and woman for himself as we zipped around the apartment getting ready.

Thank goodness for GPS! We found our way to the federal building on Warren street and amazingly, got there on time.

Of course, the building was closed when we got there yet there were people waiting in line. At least the doors did not have bolts on them. It's amazing how the absence of one little detail can make you feel at ease!

I would have posted a picture of the building but it is "forbidden" (i.e. illegal) to take any pictures of the outside or inside of any Homeland Security office. Interesting....

Bioimetrics is such a curious term. Khalid joked that they probably were going to inject him with a little microchip underneath his skin with GPS and surveillance capabilities. One wonders how long it will be before the government actually implements this. Apparently, "they have the technology." (insert cheesy Bionic Man music here.)

Actually, the appointment consisted of having his fingerprints taken, a photograph and his signature validated. His fingerprints will be scanned into a police database. They will compare his fingerprints to any found during unsolved investigations. This has already been done twice before, once when he was convicted of reckless endangerment in 1993-1994, and when he was detained in 2003.

While this was going on I was watching the various people come and go. There were at least three couples, all consisting of an American citizen and an immigrant. One couple was having an extremely hard time because the immigrant didn't have his birth certificate. Apparently, while coming over the border, an immigration official had confiscated it for some unknown reason. Now, the adjustment of status was put on hold waiting for a duplicate copy of the birth certificate and the official translation. There was no telling how long the duplicates would take! The couple was visibly and understandably frustrated and disheartened.

Immigration has most undoubtedly become a nightmare for all of us!

Acknowledging prejudice

I recently had a discussion with a friend about acknowledging the fact that all of us have certain prejudices. Just a few hours later I saw a similar posting on a blog that I regularly follow. It's funny how often synchronicity occurs during my life! As I've gotten older, I like to think I've gotten wiser and have learned to make a mental note of these curious occurrences.

Incidentally, I remember a lecture given by a professor years ago. I don't remember what class it was , but it was likely a philosophy or sociology class. The subject was about uncovering your internal prejudices. The professor explained that we all have prejudices--against certain people, races, ethnicity's or even people with certain religions affiliations. No one is immune. It takes a substantial amount of soul searching and honest assessment for a person to unveil their internal prejudices simply because they are covered over by cultural conditioning that we rarely question.

I'll give a personal example--I never knew that I had a bias against Muslim men. I didn't know that I had this prejudice until I met Khalid. My ideas about Muslim men were shaped by American culture and particularly the Western media which normally portrays Muslim men as being controlling, uncivilized, irrational and prone to violence. One such movie that incorporated all of these misconceptions is entitled Not Without my Daughter starring Sally Fields. The following synopsis is taken from the following website:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102555/plotsummary

"Moody" is an Iranian doctor living in America with his American wife Betty and their child Mahtob. Wanting to see his homeland again, he convinces his wife to take a short holiday there with him and Mahtob. Betty is reluctant, as Iran is not a pleasant place, especially if you are American and female. Upon arrival in Iran, it appears that her worst fears are realized: Moody declares that they will be living there from now on. Betty is determined to escape from Iran, but taking her daughter with her presents a larger problem. "

As can be imagined, Moody, the Muslim man portrayed in the story is the worst example of masculinity. He completely dominates his American wife, beats her, forbides her to go anywhere without him and ultimately locks her in the apartment. I remember being horrified that a man could treat his wife in such a way.

This movie had a profound influence on me and how I view Muslim men. I didn't realize this until I met Khalid and he told me he was Muslim. Instantly, that movie began to play in my head, along with numerous other stereotypes we as Americans are indoctrinated in. I hesitated in fear for a moment, wondering if it was wise for me to get involved with this man.

Luckily, I rose above my prejudice and got to know Khalid. What I found was a man who shattered all my previous conceptions about Muslims. Khalid is thoughtful, easy going, open-minded, kind, patient, peaceful and certainly non-violent. My personal experience in getting to know and love Khalid has allowed me to rise above my previously held bias against Muslim men. My life has been made all the richer because of it.

In conclusion, my wish for everyone who reads this blog is to get to know someone who shatters your prejudice. Whatever bias you hold, I sincerely hope that you allow someone into your life that challenges that stereotype. The truth is, no one should be limited by stereotypes and cultural conditioning. We are so much more than the labels placed upon us. We can learn and grow so much more by letting people into our lives, rather than barricaded them outside.

As smart as a monkey

Occasionally, particularly in the beginning of a relationship, your partner will do or say something that goes against convention. It happens in every relationship, but I surmise it happens most often in relationships that comprise one person from a different culture. When one keeps an open mind it is amazing what can be learned within these intersections of diverging perspectives.

I was reminded of one of these enlightening moments this morning when I was eating breakfast. Normally, I have breakfast with Khalid on Sunday's. Quite often he makes a delicious pancake and turkey bacon breakfast. But on this particular Sunday he had arisen early to indulge in a favorite pastime; fishing.

So, here I was, alone, blithely eating my Cheerios and sipping coffee when I reached out to pick up a banana. Without thinking I turned the banana upside down and began peeling it from the bottom.


I never used to peel a banana that way. Like most cultured Americans I had always peeled it from the stem--struggling and cursing the entire time. This is how I was taught as a youngster, this is how everyone I knew had done it. As far as I knew...this was how our ancestors had done it throughout the centuries. Who was I to question it? Never mind that it's extremely difficult to do, or that I usually mash up a sizable portion of the banana. Indeed, I never questioned it until I met Khalid.

One of the first days we had been living together I witnessed Khalid effortlessly peeling a banana from the bottom. I was intrigued...because quite frankly, I had never seen it done that way. I asked him where he learned to peel a banana that way. He looked at me with a quizzical expression on his face. He looked to my serious face and back to the banana. "What??" I believe his reply was.

After some comical deliberation he answered the question by stating simply; that's how everyone does it in Kuwait.

Coincidentally, not long ago I saw a posting about this same topic on the Internet. Interestingly, our distant ancestors--and in this case I am referring to monkeys--peel their bananas from the bottom. Some researchers had apparently gone to some remote location to study the habits of monkeys and had notated this curious fact. One of the points made was the fact that monkeys are considered less intelligent than humans yet a sizable portion of humans, particularly from Western cultures, continue to peel banana's from the stem. So...who is really more intelligent?

It makes me wonder how many things we as Americans do, out of habit and conditioning, that could be implemented in a more efficient or rational way.

This morning, when I noticed I was peeling my banana from the bottom--I smiled to myself and thought: at least I am as smart as a monkey!

A Request from Homeland Security

We received a letter from Homeland Security yesterday. I was the "lucky" one to first spot it in our mail box because Khalid was working late. After a long day at work the last thing you want to see in your mailbox is something from The Department of Homeland Inefficiency. Surprisingly, they weren't as inefficient as I would have liked: we just filed the adjustment of status papers two weeks ago. Darn, why can't government agencies live "down" to their reputations?

Just a mere glimpse of the Homeland Security logo filled my heart with trepidation. There's really no way to describe it. It's one of those things that unless you've been through it, you can't really understand the different levels of fear the human mind can conjure within a split second!

I get the same feeling when we go to the Homeland Security offices in Albany. All Homeland Security offices look like prisons. and of course, the militarized touch pad bolts on the doors don't exactly give the place a warm homey feel. I guess a hand embroidered welcome sign, a tea cozy and lace doilies are not staples in the Homeland Security yearly budget? 'Tis a shame...they get so much money might as well live it up a little.

My hands shook slightly as I reached for the "letter of doom". I was afraid they had decided to reject our adjustment request. So, I was relieved-- when Khalid came home and opened the letter-- to find they were only requesting additional information. Phew!!

They were requesting two things. One is to get some medical testing and vaccinations from a Homeland Security approved doctor. (I guess that Homeland Security sanctioned doctors are the only ones qualified to do such routine examinations--or, more likely,they are the only ones who can botch them up!)

The other request may be a trifle more problematic. They were requesting Khalid's birth certificate. When Khalid was born, India was not issuing birth certificates. Great! So now, Khalid has to prove that India did not issue birth certificates at that time, which shouldn't be difficult. DHS "should" already know that anyways.

Khalid has contacted his Father so he can sign a notarized statement about the lack of a birth certificate and stating that Khalid was born in India, when and where. Additionally, his brother is contacting the Indian embassy to see what they can provide. Ho-hum..there's tons more fun where that came from!

So, stay tuned to find out what else arises. Whatever it is, it will no doubt be an adventure!

Melancoly Monday

There are nights when I go to bed, that I wish I wouldn’t wake up. It’s a rare event, but still happens when my optimism is running low. These feelings scare the heck out of me...and they make me fear that I am not handling this situation as well as I hoped.

But, maybe I’m not that unusual. I witnessed a casual conversation between two co-workers today who expressed similar feelings after relating some difficulties in their lives. Life is full of problems and pitfalls—especially in these transformative and uncertain times. Sometimes the burdens seem too great—even for people who seem to have it all together.

Anyways, last night was one of those nights I wish I wouldn’t wake up the next morning. Nothing in particular was responsible for my sad mood. I just started to obsess about losing Khalid. I was exceptionally tired —perhaps that was enough to unleash the melancholy.

Even though I try to hide my melancholy moods from Khalid he always senses when something is wrong. We went to bed at our normal time, turned off the lights and chatted for a few minutes. I fell silent after awhile. He pulled me into his arms and asked if anything was wrong. I said no—but I lied. I felt bad about lying to him--especially since I know he sees through my disguise.

Even if I wanted to explain, or had the words to express myself I knew I couldn’t. There was no way I could add to his already substantial burden. How can I tell him my fears and doubt when he is holding tightly to the last hope we have? How can I speak about my weaknesses when he is so full of strength and life? He will be the one forced to leave and go to a strange land he hasn’t seen since he was a small boy. I get to stay behind in familiar surroundings—but without him.

It’s hard to explain these complex feelings. Khalid is the only rock solid relationship I’ve ever had. He understands me and puts up with my moods. He has given me the strength to do so many things that I didn’t think I was capable of. Because of his support I was able to go back to college and learn how to write from my heart--regardless of what anyone else thought.

Without him, I would not be in the place I am now—which despite the immigration fiasco —is still the best place I’ve ever been. The fact is--despite all my faults Khalid is still there to comfort and love me—as I am. With Khalid there are no ulterior motives, no manipulation: he never expects anything more from me other than my love and acceptance. I’ve never experienced that before in my life.


This self-pity is pure selfishness...I know. There are still plenty of things to look forward to. There are college courses, creating more paintings, sharing laughs with friends, having a successful business,writing endless papers and more blog entries to create. There are movies to see, birthday parties to attend and trips to take. In particular, there’s the hope of a day when Khalid will have his green card and have the opportunity to participate fully and freely in American society. Like a small child awaiting Christmas-- I wait impatiently for that day.


These are all hopeful prospects and I am blessed to have them. But what fills me with the most dread is the possibility that Khalid and I will never be reunited. There will be no more movies, no more birthday parties and no more trips—taken with him. If that fear should ever become a reality, on that night when I go to bed; I will not want to wake up the next morning.

A Distinction Between Aliens

Few people realize that there exists a distinction in immigration law between different types of “illegal aliens”. The media tends to lump all aliens together. Not all aliens are created—or defined equally in the quagmire known as the U.S. immigration judicial system.

As a result of the contemporary wave of xenophobia all “illegal” aliens are criminalized-- even those immigrants who overstay their VISA’s which is legally considered a civil violation. James Sensenbrenner, a U.S. Representative explains in the following quote:

"...under current law, illegal entry into the United States makes an alien subject to a Federal criminal misdemeanor with a maximum penalty of 6 months in prison. However, unlawful presence itself, such as by overstaying a visa, is not a criminal offense, but only a civil ground of inadmissibility...

This distinction really doesn’t make a big difference because both violations are treated the same way in the courts and are likely to end in deportation. The only observable difference is that criminal violations can result in jail time-- which translates into wasteful spending of millions of taxpayer dollars.

Additionally, trials for immigrants, who commit both criminal and civil violations, follow the same scenario. Whether the immigrant has committed a civil or criminal violation they must come before an immigration judge in a separate court system run by the Department of Justice.

The immigration judge conducts the entire trial. He is judge, jury and executioner. The only other people within the room are the accused immigrant, and-- if the immigrant can afford one: an immigration lawyer. The immigration judge asks questions, determines whether the alien qualifies for some form of relief or asylum status. Otherwise, the deportation mandate is normally reinstated or is handed out.

There is no jury-- nor is legal counsel available for the immigrant unless the immigrant can afford one. Consequently, many immigrants are unable to afford legal counsel and are compelled to defend themselves. As imagined, this can be nearly impossible for an immigrant who doesn’t speak English or doesn’t understand American culture.

Additionally, immigration law is very complicated and changes constantly. Most Americans find it difficult navigating in the tumultuous seas of immigration law, imagine how impossible it would be for an immigrant to stay afloat?

Proceedings in immigration court are distinctly different than those conducted in criminal courts. Whereas there are certain safeguards put in place to protect the accused, no such protections are extended to immigrants. Basically, once the accused is charged with a criminal or civil violation of immigration law, it is up to the accused to prove they are innocent.

The idea of “innocent until proven guilty” does not apply in immigration courts. Furthermore, in the past, immigration judges were allowed some leniency in handing out deportation mandates, depending on individual mitigating circumstances. This is no longer true. Judges are now compelled by law to hand out deportations no matter what the circumstances are--unless the alien qualifies for some sort of relief. The granting of relief and the approval of asylum status is rarely meted out.

There has been a movement within conservative groups to make overstay a criminal violation as well. The following excerpt, taken from Deseret News in Utah on 12/30/2005 explains further:

"Right now, illegal aliens are in violation of immigration regulations. Freeway speedsters are bigger scofflaws. But to jack unlawful residency violations up to felonies shows not only callousness, but a lack of imagination on the part of lawmakers. It also displays a complete lack of understanding of the havoc the move will create. If the House has its way, when the student visa of a father of four from India expires, when a tourist from England overstays her welcome or a contracted worker from Colombia doesn't get his papers renewed on time, they become 'desperadoes' -- desperate criminals on a par with the thugs who rob liquor stores at gunpoint. Please. The only desperate souls here are the lawmakers who choose to throw good people in the clink and throw up their hands because they are bankrupt of ideas."

Making overstay a criminal violation poses many problems for lawmakers, not the least of which is determining where to house a substantial influx of more immigrant “criminals”. Maybe we should just reopen Alcatraz for all the immigrants who have suddenly been rendered “dangerous criminals” of the highest order.

It will be interesting to observe how these lawmakers are going to convince the American public to funnel millions of dollars for the jailing of these benign violators of immigration law.


Maybe a more creative solution is appropriate. Perhaps, we should just kick all the rapists, murderers and pedophiles out of our prisons and replace them with the dangerous, degenerate and blood thirsty throng known as “illegal aliens”. tsk tsk...

Like tip-toeing through a mindfield

Khalid and I have made a critical decision. We have decided to file the adjustment of status papers, and the excludibility waiver that should negate his inadmissible status. It has cost us over 1,500 dollars to file all these papers, but it may be our best--and last chance.


Despite the fact that we have gotten some contradictory information about Khalid's ability to file the waivers we are acting on our gut instinct. We have reason to believe that this might actually work. Perhaps, at a later time I will discuss the conclusions that we have come to that have prodded us to act. For now, lets just say that some of the pieces of this perplexing immigration puzzle have finally come into place.

Technically, and legally speaking he should be able to adjust his status with the filing of the excludibility waiver. Basically, this waiver states that he can adjust his status because it has been 15 years since his conviction for reckless endangerment. He has shown himself to be a good and moral individual and has lead an exemplary life since 1993.


I also have a compelling hardship waiver that uses medical, financial and personal statements that prove I would have profound hardships should my husband be deported from the United States.


Additionally, we possess an approved I-130 VISA petition which states that our marriage is bona-fide and allows Khalid back into the country should he be compelled to leave. This is important because we have been told this is one of the hardest documents to procure.


Today we received a notice from Homeland Security notifying Khalid of a Biometric appointment in Syracuse on August 27th at 8:00 AM. Biometrics sounds like a new aerobic routine but it is actually an appointment whereby Khalid's fingerprints and other vital statistics are documented. We may even be interviewed. This is a necessary step in the adjustment of status process.


After the appointment we may be left waiting for 6-7 months until they make a determination. Until that time we will be on pins and needles. It is entirely possible that they will deny the petition and waivers. In that case, we would be forced to reapply when-- and if-- Khalid is actually deported. Yes, that would mean the U.S. government would get an additional 1,500 dollars of our hard-earned money. Gotta love the capitalistic spirit!


The filing of the papers should stop any attempts at deporting my husband. I say "should" because we are dealing with the government, and basically, if they get it in their heads to do something--they find a way.


Because Khalid has an American wife, it should afford him some protections that other deportees do not enjoy. He has noticed some significant changes in how Homeland Security has treated him since being married to me.


But, in the mercurial winds of the U.S. immigration judicial system there is no way of knowing if any of this will do any good. During the entire duration of this precarious immigration situation it feels like we are tip-toeing through a minefield. We never know what small steps we take will result in explosions and detriment and what large leaps might lead to safety and freedom.

We are taking a gigantic leap of faith. What we need more than anything are prayers and good wishes...so please...add us to your prayers this week. Thank you!

Memorial #2: Farouk Abdel-Muhti

Farouk Abdel-Muhti in detention

Farouk Abdel-Muhti was a Palestinian immigrant who made Queens, New York his home. He produced radio programs that were critical of American and Israeli foreign policies. He was also out of status.

Upon being arrested at his home in Queens by FBI officials in 2002, Farouk was transferred from various detention centers, jails and prisons across the country. Transferring detainees multiple times is a common procedure for the Department of Homeland Security. The excuse made for this bizarre behavior is the significant overcrowding in detention facilities. The scope of these harsh immigration laws has made existing detention facilities burst at the seems. It is not unusual for detention facilities, designed for 300 individuals, to house 700 or more.

But a more insidious reason may lurk beneath the surface. Moving detainees multiple times makes it harder for family members, friends or even lawyers to keep track of or visit the detainee. Relatives are not notified when their loved ones are moved and even attorneys are not made aware their client is now incarcerated two states over. Without the support of family members, friends and legal counsel it is more likely the detainee will be deported.

The rate of arresting and incarcerating illegal aliens has expanding much faster than the contractors can build new detention facilities. These new non-violent "criminals" are often housed in county jails and federal prisons alongside dangerous and violent felons.

The following quote is taken from the book Targeted:Homeland Security and the Business of Immigration by author Deepa Fernandes:

"During his two-year detention, Farouk spent eight straight months in solitary confinement in a tiny York County jail cell with no light for twenty-three hours and fifteen minutes per day. He was subject to extensive interrogation and was often denied food. He stated publicly that he was repeatedly abused, physically and verbally. On the rare occasions he was allowed to visit a health clinic, Farouk was handcuffed and shackled. After two years and extensive pro-bono support from the Center for Constitutional Rights, a federal judge ordered that Farouk be deported, charged, or released. As with so many other cases, all the government could accuse Farouk of was being out of status--for which he was treated like a criminal of the worst order." (page 89 of Targeted by Fernandes)

Eventually, after significant pressure from supporters and the hard work of his lawyers, Farouk was released in 2004. He became a tireless activist speaking for social justice and human rights across the country.

Unfortunately,this is a memorial in the traditional sense because Farouk actually collapsed and died after giving a speech in Philadelphia about human rights violations in the U.S. and Palestine. Undoubtedly, the stress and abuse suffered within the various prisons and detention facilities he was held in eventually caused the heart attack Farouk suffered from on that fateful day. It is interesting to note that he was not treated for his heart condition the entire time he was in detention.

May we, who strive to follow humbly in his footsteps, never waiver in our determination to fight discrimination and racism wherever it exists. Whether is shows it's distorted face in distant lands or right here within the land of the "free"-- may we always have the courage to speak truth to power.

Disposable bodies

Grace Chang wrote about the plight of undocumented woman immigrants in her book Disposable Domestics: Immigrant Women Workers in the Global Economy. She characterizes these woman as being disposable for several reasons. The most integral reason is that undocumented workers are necessary for the functioning of American society yet they are simultaneously cast aside for cheaper employees and then run out of the country.

Let me repeat that: undocumented workers are necessary for the stability of the American economy...

As a side note here: woman are particularly exploitable because of their subjugated status in society--yes, even our modern society. The fact that thousands of woman are assaulted, raped and killed in America every year attests to the fact that woman are still considered second class citizens. Furthermore, woman are still paid seventy cents to every man's dollar.

Why does the American economy need undocumented workers? America's economic system is capitalistic. Capitalism always needs surplus labor in order to expand. In capitalistic societies, in order for the consumerist machine to keep functioning it needs to keep a large pool of cheap, highly exploitable workers in the wings for future utilization.

Additionally, different segments of the working population are pitted against each other in an endless competition for the few jobs that are available. Sexism, racism and xenophobia are all societal ills that capitalism uses to its advantage.

This is evident with the observable increase of sexism and racism in economic downturns: like the one we are having now. This inherent competition allows capitalists to continually drive wages down for every worker.

Undocumented workers are the most exploitable and vulnerable workers in America. Employers do not have to offer any benefits, pensions, vacations, or health insurance to these particular employees. More importantly, employers of undocumented workers do not have to follow labor laws.

Additionally, undocumented workers do not get any government assistance in the form of social security benefits, welfare, food stamps, etc. The idea that undocumented workers drain funds from national coffers is a myth.

After the last round of so-called "immigration reform" in the mid 1990's all benefits were withdrawn from undocumented workers. Realistically speaking; undocumented workers prop up the American economy--they do not drain it dry.

Within this new super-capitalistic global economy, woman are not the only disposable bodies. Any black, brown or immigrant worker is also rendered disposable.

America needs to acknowledge its own role in the influx of undocumented workers into our borders and our contradictory attitudes toward them . On one hand we encourage the migration of illegal workers into our country simply because we can not afford to hire natives to do certain labor intensive and menial work. On the other hand we are persecuting the same people for residing and working illegally.

In addition, we need to hold ourselves accountable for the influence America holds within international lending institutions like the IMF and The World Bank. The lending policies of these institutions commonly undermine economic sustainability in developing countries. Many writers including Joseph Stiglitz, former head of The World Bank, has documented these abuses.


Consequently, many world citizens find themselves unable to provide the basic necessities for their families. They have no choice but to migrate to the centers of capitalism in order to survive. Many of them come here to America.

In conclusion, no human being is disposable.

A Clarification on my "memorials" of deportees

Recently, a reader contacted me about my blog post entitled Memorial #1: Ansar Mahmood. He was unhappy with a few things about my post: specifically the use of the word "memorial". In addition, he felt I was not doing Ansar justice by putting undue emphasis on his short residency in The U.S.

The entire note is as follows:

"hate to be pedantic... but those definitions are for 'memorial' as an adjective. You're using it as a noun. Mr Mahmood was shamefully treated. But you seem to be talking about him as if he were dead. As far as we know, he's alive and well and living in Pakistan. I just don't think you're doing him justice by talking of him as though his whole life were based on residency in the USA, and now all his promise and potential have been cruelly destroyed. They haven't - they're just happening somewhere else. The loss is America's, not his."

As to his first critique, regarding the use of the word “memorial” I will admit my mistake of using the incorrect "adjective" definition. However, there is nothing inherent within either definition that states the subject of the memorial has to be dead. In fact, the noun definition reflects more closely the actually purpose of the post: to remember the life of an immigrant that was unjustly treated. This is how the Miriam Webster online dictionary defines the noun of memorial:

“1: something that keeps remembrance alive: as a: monument b: something (as a speech or ceremony) that commemorates c: keepsake, memento”

I could have chosen to use the non-descript word of "remembrance" but that has no power behind it. Memorial is a "power word", it gets noticed: simply because it is normally associated with a death and/or a tragedy. Any writer worth his or her salt knows when to use a "power word" to get people's attention. All writers are manipulators of language: some are better at it than others.

In essence, the purpose of my post was to keep the memory of Ansar alive in the collective memory. There are thousands of immigrants being deported from America's shores yearly, each with their own unique story. Each year the numbers of deportations increase. Millions of taxpayer dollars are being funneled into this expensive "cleansing" and the American people have a right to know how this money is being used and to whom it is being used against. Unfortunately, most of these deportations are done secretly and only a handful of individual stories are known, written or talked about. Changes to immigration policy will only occur if people know something is wrong. Our immigration system is clearly broken!

I am attempting to take an abstract concept--deportation--and make it personal. Deportations do not happen to ideologies and concepts: they happen to individual people. Additionally, they do not happen just to the deportee, but to the family, friends and the community at large. To think otherwise is unrealistic. Any immigrant that comes to our country forges close relationships. Once a deported individual is sent away, those ties are oftentimes severed forever.

I never intended to imply that Mr. Mahmood was dead. But there are consequences inherent in becoming labeled a deportee. These consequences can result in actually physical death and/or-- what I refer to-- as "symbolic deaths." Bear with me, I assure you that I can explain.

There are serious ramifications of being deported --even once the person arrives in their country of origin. For instance, in countries like Pakistan, Haiti and many Middle Eastern countries once the individual is escorted off the plane by American DHS officials and handed over to the homeland authorities an even worse situation can unfold. In these countries, the deportee is oftentimes taken into custody, interrogated, abused and oftentimes thrown in prison.

In Haiti, for example, the majority of native deportees suffer from exposure, untreated medical conditions and starvation in Haitian prisons. Amnesty International has pleaded with American leaders to stop the unprecedented deportation of Haitian immigrants because of the gross human rights violations in the prisons there. For most Haitian deportees, being deported from America is a death sentence.

When Khalid is actually deported to India, the DHS officers will handcuff him and escort him off the plane and hand him over to Indian officials. These officials will look at Khalid's passport and see the word "deported" stamped on the first page. A likely scenario will play out in the following way: Khalid will be taken to a locked office within the airport and interrogated about the circumstances involving the deportation. Khalid will relate the long complicated story of his conviction, the fight through the immigration judicial system, his marriage to an American citizen and at the end of the struggle—being deported.

With any luck, maybe the officials will let Khalid go. Unfortunately, many Indian deportees find themselves rotting away in Indian prisons. These unlucky deportees are those who have no family ties in India and therefore no way to pay the extortion fee imposed on them by corrupt Indian officials.

Luckily, Khalid's brother should be in India at this time. His brother secured a 10 year VISA ( a VISA that allows unlimited entrance into the United States ) and commonly travels back and forth between India and the U.S. for training purposes. Hopefully, when Khalid is actually deported his brother will be in India and be able to travel to the prison, pay any fees required and Khalid will be allowed to accompany his brother to the safety of his home. Only then will Khalid be able to pick up the pieces of his life and start anew. For some Indian deportees the scenario is not so easy.

In conclusion, I was not trying to over-emphasize Mr. Mahmood's brief residency in the United States. I will not contradict the fact that many deportees can live happy, productive lives outside of American borders. People can live a good life in various countries all over the world. Despite myths propagated to the contrary, America does not corner the market on happiness, liberty and freedom. In fact, a recent study compared the relative happiness and contentment of citizens from various countries around the world, Americans ranked well behind individuals from Scandinavian countries. I will leave it to the reader to discern why, but it’s an interesting illumination none-the-less.

Ansar, like so many poor immigrants from unstable countries, wanted desperately to come here. He dreamed of arriving in this "land of opportunity". From his meager capital he obtained a green card and came to America. He secured employment and was even able to send some money back to his relatives. By all accounts, he thrived in his new environment and was content. It is not a stretch to say that his quality of life was significantly better here than in Pakistan.

That is why immigrants risk everything to come here. It is not my aim, in this particular post, to debate whether this naiveté and optimism is justified or whether it lives up to the hype. That is a subject for a subsequent post. It is only necessary to illuminate that America is the beacon of hope and prosperity for millions of downtrodden people across the globe.

Ansar came to America in the hopes of finding a better, more stable and productive life. However, when he was deported all this was destroyed. What he experienced was a "symbolic death" that is no less devastating. His hopes, aspirations, relationships and sense of security all “died” the day he was put on the plane to return him to Pakistan.

I do not believe that Ansar would take offense to my "memorial" I feel the only way that I can do justice to Ansar is to make sure that he is remembered. Indeed, the deportation of a good hardworking man like Ansar is a great loss to America. But to downplay the devastation of deportation is doing a gross injustice to the memory-- indeed to the living, breathing individual known as Ansar Mahmood-- and to the thousands of people whose lives are destroyed by deportation every year.

To think that Ansar, or any deportee, can return to his country carefree, unscathed, and simply pick up the where they left off is unadulterated ignorance. It doesn't work that way. I will continue to write about various deportees in my “memorials” to facilitate some empathy and understanding from a public who is largely unaware of their plight. I am giving voice to the voiceless.

There is a madness to my method…er...method to my madness.

Art as immigration reform activism

I Want You... Out of the country --at gunpoint!

Art has always been an important and integral part of my life. I can not remember a time when I haven't been inspired by a color, a story, or a particular image on t.v. or housed within the sanctified pages of a picture book. Beautiful things have never failed to capture my imagination.

When I was younger, I was under the impression that art had to be aesthetically pleasing, refined and pleasant to gaze at. It wasn't until I went to Buffalo State College in 1996 that my viewpoints changed slightly. I was majoring in Art Education and took a class with Professor Mary Wyrick. She was an inspiring teacher and challenged my notion that art had to be beautiful. Instead, she made me see that art was about expressing ideas-- first and foremost. A piece of artwork was able to transcend time and place and speak to people on multiple levels all at once. The artist, with a mere flick of a brush could express the same nuance that would take the writer volumes.

Although I realized that art was about ideas, I was still painfully ignorant about the power of art and its ability to challenge ingrained ideas and social mores. Until recently, I had never acknowledged this power. I took a class at Hamilton College last Fall semester entitled Feminist Visual Culture. Through viewing works by artists such as: Judy Chicago, Ghada Amer, Ana Mendieta, Cindy Sherman, Shirin Neshat, and Carolee Schneemann, I realized that art had the power, over time, to create subtle shifts in social consciousness.

Feminist art is not about being "pretty", "conforming" or "safe". Instead, much of it is meant to be "challenging", "controversial" and "activist". This is what makes it dynamic and a catalyst for social and political change. People can become complacent, comfortable and desensitized to their environment: even if that environment is stagnant, corrupt and unhealthy. It takes a shock to the system to get them to wake up.

With that goal in mind, I have started to design a series of art pieces centered around immigration reform. Eventually I will have enough works to show in an exhibit. The two pieces at the top of this page are part of this series. I cannot think of anything more controversial than using the iconic images of Uncle Sam and Lady Liberty to illustrate the irony and discrimination of contemporary U.S. immigration policies.

I hope my writings and artwork will inspire a change in someone's thinking regarding immigrants rights and the need for immigration reform-- and as a result-- changes will be made . This hope gives me power and optimism and sustains me throughout this whole ordeal. Without this hope there is nothing.

Memorial #1: Ansar Mahmood

Ansar Mahmood in the Batavia Detention Facility

The Miriam-Webster online dictionary defines memorial as:

1 : serving to preserve remembrance : commemorative 2 : of or relating to memory

With this particular definition in mind I will periodically present the “memorials” of various people who have been deported by the U.S. government. Too often, the voices of these immigrants are quelled by the din of politics, concealment and flawed legalities. The only ones left to remember them are the family members and friends these immigrants have been forced to leave behind.

Memorials usually take place only when a death occurs. But in instances of deportation, holding a commemoration for these brave immigrants is appropriate—and even necessary. When a deportation takes place, the immigrant is ruthlessly ripped from the fabric of the American landscape—in silence and secrecy.

Such cruelty leaves a throbbing hole within the hearts of everyone involved. It is essential that these immigrants are not forgotten, because it is through the contemplation of memory and the awakening of regret that reclamation is facilitated.

The subject of my first memorial is an immigrant by the name of Ansar Mahmood. His story was well known in the Batavia detention facility when my husband was detained in 2004 and it was one of the first instances, other than my husband’s situation, in which I became aware of America’s war on immigrants.

Ansar was a young Pakistani who came to America as a result of winning a green card through an immigration “lottery”. The purpose of lotteries is to allow people from countries with low rates of immigration to come to the United States. The program randomly selects a few lucky winners from thousands of screened applicants who qualify for a green card.

Ansar worked hard as a pizza delivery man while he was in America and sent money regularly to his family back in Pakistan. Despite working many long hours and having little disposable income he was happy in his new homeland. He found the New York countryside to be beautiful and often took short trips to nearby picturesque destinations. Oftentimes, he took a camera along to take pictures of particularly beautiful scenes and send them back to his family in Pakistan.

It was on the recommendation of a customer that Ansar travelled to a reservoir and water treatment plant in the Hudson Valley. It was here that Ansar’s troubles began. On that day, the view was especially lovely as the sun shone brightly on the Catskill Mountains. He asked one of the guards if they could take a picture of him with the reservoir and the mountains behind him. The guard, taking note of Ansar’s accent, surmised that he was Muslim and labeled him as a possible terrorist. The guard notified the police who in turn notified immigration authorities.

He was interrogated by Federal officials who attempted to tie him to terrorist activities and accused him of plotting to poison public water supplies. After a lengthy interrogation, Federal officials had no evidence to back up their hasty allegations. However, in the aftermath of 9/11 and the resulting moral panic directed against Muslims, evidence was not necessary. They were determined to find something in Ansar’s background that warranted the deportation of a green card holder.

Officials found out that Ansar had helped a Pakistani couple find housing and obtain a car. Unbeknownst to Ansar, the couple had overstayed their VISA and was residing in the States illegally. Ansar was charged with harboring illegal aliens, which is a felony and a deportable offense.

I have no idea how they could assume that Ansar knew the couple was illegal. I know from experience that legal status is not something most immigrants are apt to disclose because they can result in stigmatization, shame and sometimes physical danger. But common sense was ignored in favor of only one goal: deporting Ansar by any means necessary.

Ansar tried to fight the deportation through the courts. He had many supporters and even a New York senator who supported him.

“It’s a disgrace,” said Senator Charles E. Schumer, who lobbied on behalf of Mr. Mahmood. “Mahood wanted to be an ideal citizen, and he’s the kind of person America should embrace. There is no reason he should be deported.”(New York Times, August 14, 2004)

None of this made any difference. He was placed on a commercial plane with two INS officials and deported to Pakistan. None of Ansar’s friends or supporters were allowed to say good-bye.

In memory of Ansar Mahmood who was deported on August 12, 2004. May he find peace and understanding wherever he may find himself—because he did not find it in The United States of America.

Sources:

http://www.chathampeace.org/old%20index%20the%20first%20web%20page%20use%20as%20back%20up.htm

http://www.redorbit.com/news/general/41654/pizza_deliveryman_hopes_to_stay_in_us/

http://www.nytimes.com/2004/08/14/nyregion/man-arrested-over-photos-after-9-11-is-deported.html

Eisbrecher

EISBRECHER

My husband never ceases to amaze me. He is one of the most open-minded, easy-going and curious individuals I have ever met. He is never afraid to try new things, or listen to something different. One of the things that attracted me to him is his love of music...and not just any music but a lot of the same music I listen to. Which is nothing short of a miracle: and was a sign that we belong together-- because a substantial percentage of the music I like is obscure. Even when I was a teenager I dismissed the popular bubblegum pop of the 1980's for punk, goth, and industrial. I liked music with a strong bass line and a deep message--or at least unique or artsy. I ignored superficial musical groups that sang exclusively about sex, drugs or pick-up trucks.

I was elated and surprised when, during one of our first road trips together; I was perusing the musical selection on his i-pod and found songs by The Cure, New Order and Marillon! Only a handful of my friends have ever liked the same music I liked, and here was a man--coming from a foreign country half a world away--who liked the same tunes I did. When I inquired about his unusual musical tastes he only laughed and said, "yeah, I got into some of that music while I was in Kuwait and then even more when I was in college."

His answer caught me by surprise because I had not considered the possibility of alternative music being readily available in a country like Kuwait. My ignorance about the world had made me believe that this type of music would only be enjoyed by people in so-called "progressive" Western countries. I was quite happy to have been proven wrong--and that doesn't happen too often! (a-hem...meaning that I am not often happy about being proven wrong. I did not mean that I am seldom proven wrong. Unfortunately, being incorrect is something that happens to me almost daily. Welcome to the human condition!)

Even now, as a 41 year old, I am still "hip" and love to discover the latest musical groups and genres. (Of course using the term "hip" probably proves that I am not!) Recently I have discovered a love for Hindi and Bollywood music. Khalid was so surprised once day when he came home to find me grooving to some new Hindi song. He asked me if I understood any of the lyrics. I regretfully replied: "No. But you don't have to understand the lyrics in order to enjoy the music."

I am also a big fan of the Scandinavian/German symphonic rock scene. Symphonic rock can be described as a fusion between progressive metal and classical music. I realize that these seem like two incompatible musical styles but it actually works quite well. The arrangements are complex, intricate and much more unique then standard rock songs. There is a magical fusion within the symphonic genre because there exists a contrast between the aggressive "masculine" rhythm of the instruments and the beautiful female soprano vocals. Some of the best soprano voices can be heard within symphonic metal: including Liv Kristine of Leave's Eyes, Sharon Den Adel of Within Temptation, Charlotte Wessels of Delain, Sabine Edelsbacher of Edenbridge and Tarja Turunen, formally of the band Nightwish. Every time I listen to them I get shivers down my spine.

Luckily, most of these bands my husband appreciates as well. He likes a lot of songs by Within Temptation and Delain, and even some of the songs by Leave's Eyes. But I was surprised when he commented about a song I played by one of the new bands I discovered by the name of Eisbrecher.

What some people don't know (unless they are a new music fiend like I am) is that Germany is currently one of the most prolific areas for alternative rock music. The music scene has exploded there and many German musical groups are gaining large followings of fans all over the world. Some of them sing in English (like Edenbridge and Xandria) but some-- thankfully sing in their native tongue.

One such band is called Eisbrecher, which in English can be translated as "ice breaker" although I imagine, pronounced slightly differently--maybe "icebricker?" (Ok--well..I don't have to pronounce it correctly to appreciate it.) They are categorized as an industrial band with a hard edge, electronic sound and aggressive beat. Very danceable music..the kind you would hear in a trendy club. The male singer has one of the deepest Bass vocals I have ever heard.

I had played a few of their songs for Khalid and he expressed an liking for them and asked who the band was. I told him and he said he had never heard of them before.I explained that they were from Germany and had just stated to become popular in the States. He liked them so much that the next time I perused his i-pod, he had bought and downloaded some of their songs.

Just to be a wise guy I asked him "Do you understand any of the lyrics?"

He sheepishly smiled at me and replied "No. But you don't have to understand the words to appreciate the music."

Smart alec.....

Shame and hypocrisy

There are a number of English words that I hate. For obvious reasons, "deportation" is one of those words. I also dislike the words "racism", "misogyny", "war" and "access". I'm sure its obvious why I hate the first three words, However, you are probably stymied by the word "access". Why would someone hate the word access? It's quite simple , I use the word fifty times a week in my job at the library, and can never remember how to spell it. I wrote it three times in this paragraph and spelled it wrong all three times. Thank Heaven's for spell check!


But there's another word that tops my list for the most distasteful -- and that is "shame". Shame and I have an intimate relationship. There was a lot of emphasis on "perfection" in the household I grew up in. There was a clear and distinct "wrong way" to do something and a "right way". This affected every activity from talking to an elder, washing the dishes and mowing the lawn. Something was right or it was wrong. Grey areas did not exist. I was always left guessing as how to do things the "right" way. Some things were easy to figure out, such as: don't hit anyone, don't pull the cat's tail, don't touch the stove, etc. But the "indistincts"-- the situations that are predominantly detached from moral or safety considerations and can be approached in a myriad of creative ways--those are the situations that perplexed me and caused me to feel shame. It also didn't help that the correct ways were always in a state of flux.

On the other hand, my parents seemed to know the absolute correct way to handle these situations and oftentimes I got the impression that I handled them the wrong way. The idea that dominated my household was if one veered even slightly from the true and correct path than disaster was imminent.

I do not think that my household was unusual in this strive for perfection. The idea of perfection and piousness is intricately woven into the fabric of American life. Blame our Puritan beginnings if you need an explanation. However, there is an inherent contradiction to all this perfection seeking. Far too often, this perfection and righteousness is only reserved for certain segments of the population.The wealthy and powerful are exempt from these intrusive and stifling restriction as they are free to exploit, demean and oppress millions of people all over the world, while poor, working class and minority populations are forced to conform to a unrealistic conception of morality and perfection.

I witness my husband struggling to deal with the negative affects of shame because of the immigration nightmare he is immersed in. The excessive conviction, not being familiar with American laws, the time spent in detention, and the deportation mandate are all factors that have caused shame. My husband has dealt with this emotion in a positive manner and has never allowed himself to wallow in self-pity, place blame or get angry.

But shame can work in insidious ways within the human psyche and no mater how constructively you think you are handling it it can become unhealthy. Early on, my husband and I had adapted to this shame by withdrawing: withdrawing from family and friends-- in an attempt to mask it . If we don't talk about, don't admit what’s going on we can forget it. But, it doesn't work this way.

Both my husband and I are extremely private people. Not because we have something to hide, but because that is how we were brought up and how our brains are wired. We are both devote introverts and absolutely abhor being the center of attention. So, its quite ironic that we should both be at the apex of an immigration judicial case that has caused a certain amount of controversy and frustration for the U.S. government. I oftentimes catch myself thinking about how often our names have come up within the bolted doors of Homeland Security, a senator's office or even possibly the Oval office --and shudder. There resides nothing within my -- my husband's personality or lifestyle that should have elicited such attention. Regardless of whether we wanted it or not--deserved it or not, we have the attention of Homeland Security.

Eventually, I grew tired of being rendered mute, frozen in shame and decided to speak about it: at work, at immigration conferences, with friends and with anyone who would listen. I even got over my substantial fear of public speaking and starting talking about it in college classrooms and conferences. In the beginning; my goal was distinct: to educate people about the current wave of xenophobia that is sweeping the nation and obtain some help for my husband.

But recently it has shifted slightly. Although I still want to educate people and encourage people to support immigration reform; while also helping my husband, I also feel the necessity to silence the shame that hovers menacingly in the background of our lives.

According to the U.S. immigration judicial system, the night my husband was threatened in 1993 he should have collapsed passively to the asphalt and let the individuals who menacingly approached him hit and beat and perhaps even kill him. This, in their eyes, would have been the "correct" and "righteous" solution to my husband's situation. This is nonsense. The natural reaction of any human to a life threatening situation is self preservation and individuals thus threatened will find any way to survive.

But, according to the U.S. government, apparently minorities and immigrants aren't granted this right.

Should my husband feel ashamed about what he did that night. Shame...no not at all. Maybe regret...but not shame. He did what he needed to do in order to survive. Should the U.S. government feel shame regarding the horrible way they have treated my husband? Absolutely-- without hesitation-- and don't waste a minute.

By the way-- another English word I despise is the word "hypocrisy".

Senseless

The word senseless has flickered through my mind during this whole immigration ordeal. Although it is completely pointless I keep trying to determine why Homeland Security is adamant about deporting my husband. What is the advantage of spending thousands of dollars and countless hours in order to deport him? How exactly is the deportation of my husband going to make America a better and safer place? What possible good can come out of deporting a husband, an employee and a tax payer? My husband is not a terrorist, a drug addict or drug dealer. He has never physically hurt or abused anyone! The man does not possess one mean, callous or disrespectful bone in his body. The deportation of my husband will not result in anything positive or good--it will only result in misery and strife.

And if they were so intent on deporting him, why didn’t they just do so the first time he was in detention in 2003? These are all questions I will never have the answer to—and it is driving me insane. Why in the world did the U.S. government allow him to adjust his status before the 2nd circuit hearing and then rescind it? Unfortunately, I cannot stop myself from pondering the reasons why this senseless situation is unfolding this way.

In addition to all these questions, I can’t help but think about everything Khalid has been through and how this situation has affected him mentally and physically. He has been separated from his family since the late 1980’s. I cannot fathom what that was like and how lonely he must have felt during these years. And now, in addition to everything else he has lost, he is now being separated from his wife here in the States. He has worked hard his whole life, even holding down two jobs while doing countless hours of overtime, training other people and taking any additional challenges his employer has asked of him. None of this has made a bit of difference.

Some people answer this question by saying that life just isn’t fair. No, life isn’t fair. But does that justify the horrible, wretched, inhumane things people do to each other? Life is all about distributing scarce resources and determining who gets a larger chunk of the pie and who is left fighting for the crumbs. The scarcest resource of all is love and the bitterest struggle: its procurement.

I am reminded of a wonderful Indian author named Arundhati Roy and her book The God of Small Things. If you haven't read it I recommend it highly. In this book she explores the nature of love and how it is artificially distributed in society based upon arbitrary designations of rank, wealth and power. More specifically the story centers around the tragic love story between an upper class Indian woman and a poor Untouchable laborer. A particular quote from the book comes to mind and I will share it with you now:

"They all broke the rules. They all crossed into forbidden territory. They all tampered with the laws that lay down who should be loved and how. And how much."

This quote has become quite poignant to me now. I realize that the problems our country is currently facing: including the debate about gay marriage, the excesses of greed, racism, sexism and the discriminatory immigration judicial system; can all be linked by this distribution of love-- and who deserves it and who doesn't.

So, here I am, sitting in my living room-- ironically watching a special on Michael Jackson and fearing that this will be the last day I will spend with my husband and wondering where our share of the love is.....