Sometimes I don't catch on to things too quickly. Although I love to read books, explore new ideas and am normally astute in analyzing human behavior, sometimes when it comes to the mundane practical situations of my own life I don't notice things as quickly as I should. In fact, I can be terminally dense.
My husband has been acting oddly for the last week. He's been quieter than usual, sullen and complaining of stomach and back problems. In fact, the last five days he has been getting up in the middle of the night and going over to the spare bedroom to sleep. I don't mind saying that I was feeling a bit rejected. Was I farting in bed? Bad breath? Do I exhibit Terets Syndrome when I sleep? What the heck was going on?? For some reason I just didn't catch on...until this morning...
Khalid rolled on his side in bed and groaned.
I asked: "What's the matter?"
"My stomach hurts."
"Again?" I asked incredulously (he's been complaining of a sour stomach for a few days now)
"Yeah."
Over the next few hours I was contemplating a whole host of scenarios that could explain Khalid's strange behavior over the last week. Was he sick? I asked myself. Was he having a hard time at work? Was he depressed? Sick of me????? (After almost five years of marriage it can happen to even the most loving of couples!) I had no idea what was wrong...
Now, Khalid is usually an early riser. He always gets up before me, but a curious thing happened today. He slept until 9:30 AM!!! He never sleeps that long.
Finally, it hit me! He's acting this way because we have to appear at the DHS office in Albany today and he's worried that something bad is going to happen. BINGO!
I knew that he usually gets nervous when we travel to Albany, but since we learned that India was not recognizing him as a citizen I thought the anxiety had abated a bit. At least he wasn't showing any major anxiety or concern. Usually he was very upbeat about the trip saying "I'm sure everything is status quo and there's nothing to worry about." while turning and smiling at me in a comforting manner."
I now recognize this as an effort to make me feel better. I was still vocal about my trepidation involving going to the DHS office for months after they proclaimed they were not going to deport Khalid. I was so afraid that the government would change their minds and detain and then deport Khalid to god-knows-where.
Apparently, I disregarded the other signs that indicated-- despite Khalid's stoicism--that he was still terrified of going to the DHS office. I ignored the back problems, the getting up in the middle of the night, the stomach ailments; not realizing that they all occurred in tandem a week before we had to visit the DHS office.
How could I be so blind??
And the worst thing about this whole mess is: I can't do anything about it other than holding his hand every time we walk into that damned DHS office in Albany.
4 comments:
I hope he is feeling better. I know how he feels, I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder last spring and it is not a fun feeling.
Sorry to hear that Lisa, but it's not surprising for anyone who is dealing with the dysfunction of the US immigration system to have anxiety issues.
In fact, I suffer from an anxiety disorder as well. I've had it since I was quite young but obviously this situation with Khalid had (when I let it) exacerbated it.
I will be writing a blog post about it shortly. Hope you feel inclined to read it and find some comfort in the knowledge that you aren't alone in this struggle.
Brightest blessings!
Beth
Beth- my husband Margarito & I have both had ongoing back pain, & I was even diagnosed with IBS when I thought it was just the food down here. It seems after talking to others who are in the same boat, that a lot of us develop medical problems as a result of the constant, intense stress we are going through. My therapist considers our ongoing situations to be emotional trauma. It doesn't help the situations we're in, but it does indicate the need for us to practice regular stress relief & even seek professional help. Hang in there.
Thank you for your comments Nicole. I wish the best for you and your husband.
I've definitely known for awhile that this horrible situation has caused a lot of health issues for us both.
My blood pressure is quite high and as a result I suffered from a retinal vein occlusion in the right eye back in 2008.
This constant stress is not good for the body or the brain!
The stress has abated quite a bit but would improve if i meditated more often.
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