Diary of an immigrant's wife

PRI: The World interview

2011-09-02T11:08:00.002-04:00

The radio broadcast of my interview with PRI The World aired yesterday. If you would like to hear it just click on the link below. (Hopefully it will work...I don't always have luck with Blogger's linking tool). The article features two other extraordinary and lovely ladies going through a similar experience: Giselle Stern-Hernandez and Emily Cruz.

They basically did a very good job portraying the lives of American citizens dealing with deportation and separation. A few characterizations were flawed but with the complexities inherent in the U.S. immigration system this is to be expected.

So, give it a listen and let me know what you think.

Just copy and paste the following address in you browser..that should get you to the interview.

http://www.theworld.org/2011/09/deportees-wives-club/

Stomach aches and DHS anxiety

2011-09-01T23:21:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I don't catch on to things too quickly. Although I love to read books, explore new ideas and am normally astute in analyzing human behavior, sometimes when it comes to the mundane practical situations of my own life I don't notice things as quickly as I should. In fact, I can be terminally dense.

My husband has been acting oddly for the last week. He's been quieter than usual, sullen and complaining of stomach and back problems. In fact, the last five days he has been getting up in the middle of the night and going over to the spare bedroom to sleep. I don't mind saying that I was feeling a bit rejected. Was I farting in bed? Bad breath? Do I exhibit Terets Syndrome when I sleep? What the heck was going on?? For some reason I just didn't catch on...until this morning...

Khalid rolled on his side in bed and groaned.

I asked: "What's the matter?"

"My stomach hurts."

"Again?" I asked incredulously (he's been complaining of a sour stomach for a few days now)

"Yeah."

Over the next few hours I was contemplating a whole host of scenarios that could explain Khalid's strange behavior over the last week. Was he sick? I asked myself. Was he having a hard time at work? Was he depressed? Sick of me????? (After almost five years of marriage it can happen to even the most loving of couples!) I had no idea what was wrong...

Now, Khalid is usually an early riser. He always gets up before me, but a curious thing happened today. He slept until 9:30 AM!!! He never sleeps that long.

Finally, it hit me! He's acting this way because we have to appear at the DHS office in Albany today and he's worried that something bad is going to happen. BINGO!

I knew that he usually gets nervous when we travel to Albany, but since we learned that India was not recognizing him as a citizen I thought the anxiety had abated a bit. At least he wasn't showing any major anxiety or concern. Usually he was very upbeat about the trip saying "I'm sure everything is status quo and there's nothing to worry about." while turning and smiling at me in a comforting manner."

I now recognize this as an effort to make me feel better. I was still vocal about my trepidation involving going to the DHS office for months after they proclaimed they were not going to deport Khalid. I was so afraid that the government would change their minds and detain and then deport Khalid to god-knows-where.

Apparently, I disregarded the other signs that indicated-- despite Khalid's stoicism--that he was still terrified of going to the DHS office. I ignored the back problems, the getting up in the middle of the night, the stomach ailments; not realizing that they all occurred in tandem a week before we had to visit the DHS office.

How could I be so blind??

And the worst thing about this whole mess is: I can't do anything about it other than holding his hand every time we walk into that damned DHS office in Albany.

An antidote to hate

2011-08-21T12:43:00.000-04:00

Being an American citizen married to a “documented alien in removal” has its challenges, for sure. Between reporting to Homeland Security offices in Albany twice a year, constantly worrying about how the next batch of anti-immigration laws will affect your life, and dealing with the inevitable trolls who stalk the posts of pro-immigration bloggers and insinuate that only low class, stupid and desperate women/men would marry an “illegal” alien, can turn a person’s hair silver overnight.

Now, I’ve written about the error in using the term “illegal” in referring to immigrants in the past, but it bears repeating again. Most immigrants have not done anything illegal (i.e. crossing the border without inspection nor have most of them ever committed a crime.) In fact, a substantial number of immigrants have only committed a civil violation by overstaying-- not a criminal one; based on U.S. immigration law. To elaborate: overstay is a civil violation constituting an immigrant who has remained in the U.S. after a VISA has expired. Even the term “undocumented” does not accurately describe all immigrants. For instance, my husband has all his documents (i.e. worker’s permit, passport and a social security number) so he cannot be referred to as “undocumented”. Therefore, the characterization of all immigrants without a green card as “illegal” is inaccurate.

None of my friends who blog about deportation could be characterized as low class, desperate, and especially-- not stupid. The women (and men) I have known who are dealing with separation or deportations of a spouse are the smartest, bravest, strongest and most socially aware people I know. I am proud to call them friends and am thankful that they are a part of my life…even though many miles separate us all.

The wonderful connections I’ve made to people who are going through a similar experience are one of the bright spots in the everyday struggle of dealing with deportation. A fellow blogger remarked: “the whole process of dealing with the immigration system in the U.S. is so dehumanizing that the personal connections we foster online with people going through similar situations is mentally and spiritually healing.”

It can be easy to be consumed by anger and fear when you are dealing with the possible separation of you from your spouse. I remember when Khalid and I were going through the most precarious time in our marriage; just after the denial of his second circuit court case and the deportation mandate was issued. Whenever Khalid was late getting home from work, those minutes before he walked through the door were fraught with fear, anxiety and hopelessness. I was so afraid that ICE had apprehended him at work and sent him to detention. If this had happened I would not have been notified. I would not even know where they had taken him. Perhaps I would be one of the lucky spouses that would get a call from my husband or a lawyer days later telling me where he was being held. Otherwise, it is likely that I would not know any specifics until after the deportation process was completed and he arrived in the country of his birth.

Despite all of this turmoil there are positive aspects to this situation: besides making wonderful friendships. The whole immigration system is designed to tear the American citizen and deportee apart. However, a curious thing happens. Amidst all the negativity, barricades, hateful rhetoric and discriminatory policies the bonds between the couple entwine, grow thicker and become stronger. Love stubbornly grows where hate has wrought devastation. This seems to be a universal truth.

I am aware that since my husband and I have gone through this painful process that we do not easily take each other for granted. Many of the petty annoyances that plague my friends’ relationships do not affect us. When threatened with separation you treasure every moment you spend with the other person. Precious time cannot be wasted on insignificant disagreements you will likely forget a week later. You learn to love deeply, completely and forgive easily. Indeed, this seemingly fragile love becomes the strongest antidote to hate.

An alien with no name

2011-08-20T12:08:00.001-04:00

Khalid is an immigrant who has no name. Seems strange to write that. All of you are probably thinking: "Well, of course he has a name. You just wrote it in the first sentence: K H A L I D.

Perhaps the semantics I used is confusing. What I meant to say that he has no label. You know, those humiliating, derogatory, inaccurate labels that get placed on immigrants in this country. Words such as "illegal", "border jumper", "undocumented", "unauthorized worker", etc.

I got to thinking about this curious fact when I was being interviewed for the radio program PRI's: The World. The interviewer referred to him as an "undocumented" immigrant--but that isn't a true characterization either. Of course--I was relieved that she didn't use the term "illegal". Luckily she understood that it was a derogatory term and did not apply to a substantial number of immigrants residing in this country.

However, despite recognizing the word "undocumented" as inaccurate, I didn't correct her because I had no idea what term would be appropriate in describing Khalid's immigration situation.

The term "undocumented" refers to a specific type of immigrant who does not have legal documentation in order to work in the United States. Khalid is "documented"; meaning that he has all his papers--a worker's permit, social security number and passports (well--until the DHS confiscated them and subsequently lost them.) and came here under a student VISA.

I suppose the most accurate designation that could be applied to Khalid is "alien" but even that doesn't quite fit. He has been in the United States so long now that he has lost all trace of a foreign accent and has completely acclimated to American culture: so much so that he loves American football,unhealthy native cuisine; high in fats, carbohydrates and sugar, and Hollywood movies filled with dizzying spectacle but low on content-- and like all American men who fear being emasculated, he hates the color pink. You can't get more American then that.(Surely I jest!)

However, this curious fact that I had no label to attach to my husband's situation bothered me. So, one night, while we were sitting in the living room watching "America's Got Talent" (a guilty pleasure!) I turned to him and asked "What are you called?"

He turned to look at me with a quizzical expression on his face and replied "what?" (This is not an unusual trajectory for our conversations.)

I re-framed the question..."you don't fall under the designation of illegal; and undocumented doesn't fit either-- so what term is officially used to describe your situation?

He thought for a moment and said "technically I am called "a documented alien under removal.'"

Wow, that doesn't exactly roll off the tongue! No wonder news people and pundits choose to use the words "illegal" and "undocumented". At least they are simple!

My point here is not to disparage those immigrants who fall under the term "undocumented". My point is to illustrate the myriad complexities inherent in being an immigrant in contemporary America and how they are simplified by misleading and oftentimes inaccurate labels that are woefully inaccurate in describing an immigrant's status.

There is a scientific principle called "Occam's Razor" which loosely has been summarized as "all things being equal the simplest explanation tends to be the right one." (My apologies to any scientists reading this post who are actually versed in this principle and recognize this is a simplified understanding.)

People who are caught up in this diabolic immigration system and the complex situations it engenders will never adhere to this notion of "Occam's Razor". There is never anything simple about the process of being an immigrant in this country. Nor should there be any simplifications in the language used to describe them. Terms such as "illegal", "undocumented", "alien" are ( as I stated earlier) "woefully inaccurate."

In this current era of compounded complexities perhaps the whole idea of "Occam's Razor" is misleading. There doesn't seem to be much simplicity--at least not in our little corner of the world.

A worker's permit is not the holy grail

2011-08-20T09:28:00.000-04:00

In light of all the celebrating regarding Obama's proclamation that the government will be reviewing all current deportation cases and granting worker's permits to qualifying immigrants I wanted to take some time to explain what it means to have a worker's permit. I feel this will be helpful information to the thousands of immigrants who will--hopefully--gain a workers permit over the next few month as a result of this new policy. There are certain things a worker's permit entitles an immigrant to; and certain things it doesn't. I don't want to rain on anybody's
parade but I feel it is better to be armed with knowledge rather than just optimism.

My husband has had a worker's permit for years while he has fought his case in the U.S. immigration judicial system. It was granted to him as part of the fees he had to pay to file his appeals. Now, because he cannot be deported and we no longer have any legal avenues left to fight his deportation, he has to apply for a worker's permit every year that he resides in the U.S. This is quite costly and is currently over $400.00 a year. The government reserves the right to increase these fees at anytime. Most years that Khalid has filed for a worker's permit the fee has gone up.

According to the DHS officer who handles Khalid's case, an immigrant who has a worker's permit shows up as having the same status as a citizen in the government's e-verify system. Theoretically speaking that seems to be a positive situation. However, whenever Khalid has applied for another job--unless it's a retail position--the employer always asks if he is a U.S. citizen. Khalid tells the truth and says no. Then comes the inevitable questions..and to make a long story short he is never called back for an interview.

Luckily, my husband already has a stable job as an electrical technician and they are well aware of his immigration status. However, he is not fairly compensated for his electrical knowledge or degree and could get paid a substantial sum more if he could find another job in electrical engineering. In order to make ends meet he has to work two jobs: one as an electrical tech and another in a retail store.

To make a long story short a worker's permit oftentimes only allows an immigrant to procure a very low wage job. It is, in no way, akin to having a green card. Most employers nowadays only want to hire a green card holder, or a citizen. Activists cannot rest until our immigrant friends and family are given an adjustment of status. Anything else is essentially a waste of our time.

Bait-and-switch

2011-08-19T11:38:00.000-04:00

Back in 2007,before the second circuit court hearing, the lawyer that was handling Khalid's case called to inform us of some good news. At least it seemed to be good news at the time; basically it was an answer to our prayers: the government was allowing Khalid to adjust his status to that of legal permanent resident. We couldn't be happier. I remember being in the kitchen preparing dinner when Khalid rushed in with an enormous smile on his face.

He said "guess what?"

I replied "what" in an unenthusiastic manner thinking that Khalid was excited only because of a big fishing trip coming up.

"Rather than going through with the second circuit court case, the government is allowing me to adjust my status!"

"What?" I repeated in a bemused tone.

After he sufficiently convinced me that I had heard him correctly I remember breaking down and sobbing. Khalid could not understand my reaction. I was supposed to be happy not wailing like a mad woman.

"I hope your crying because you are happy?" he asked doubtfully.

"Yes, yes I'm happy. I just can't believe they are allowing this to happen! It seems too good to be true."

It wasn't until a few months had passed, and after subsequent consultations with other lawyers that my foreboding was found to be completely warranted.

Due to some procrastination and mistakes the lawyer we had at the time did not file for adjustment of status by the government dead line. Of course we were devastated and resigned to preparing for the approaching hearing of Khalid's second circuit court case in July. Essentially, we were preparing for the worst.

After speaking with another lawyer months later it was plain that we had been duped by the government's offer of adjusting Khalid's status. If we had filed the adjustment of status waivers during that time period we would have been unequivocally denied. Because Khalid would not even be considered for that waiver until 15 years after his "conviction" of reckless endangerment had taken place (As a reminder: Khalid was convicted--actually railroaded-- of reckless endangerment after attempting to defend himself against some thugs that were threatening him while he was working as a taxi driver in Utica back in 1994.)It would be another six months before he would officially became eligible to file for the waiver.

In fact, not only would we have been denied, but there would have been no other option other than having Khalid travel oversees and reapply for the adjustment of status in his native country of India. Of course, we all know that would be impossible since India does not recognize Khalid as a citizen and therefore will not issue him a passport or the travel documents.

The naked truth: the government lied to us and had no intention of adjusting Khalid's status. Instead, the government's intention was to deny his claim and make sure that he could never file the waiver again while residing in this country.

So, I think that I should be forgiven if I react to the recent "happy" news making its way through all the Facebook immigration groups with the skepticism inherent to anyone who has had lengthy experience in dealing with government promises of immigration reform. I just don't believe it until I see it.

If you would like to read about the details of this latest promise I included a link at the bottom of this post.

If it's true then I'm very happy for the my friends who will benefit from this program. But Khalid and I have been fighting this anti-immigrant ideology for far too long (for Khalid its been almost ten years now--for me six years!) that we don't easily fall for the government's bait-and-switch techniques. There always seems to be an ulterior motive in the background of all their promises.

Hopefully, THIS time we will be wrong.

http://news.change.org/stories/major-progress-administration-to-grant-deportation-relief-amidst-mounting-criticism

Letter to a troll

2011-08-15T12:22:00.000-04:00

I'm really quite flattered that you have taken the time to read my blog and have written comments. Despite your curt comments to the contrary, you must really find the contents of the blog quite fascinating.

How do I know it's you? Well, you always write two to three short sentences of biting rhetoric that really doesn't have any relevance to the subject of my blog post. I'm sure you spend a great deal of time in the shadows of internet obscurity reading the blogs of people with whom you disagree; writing curt comments and feeling quite proud of yourself for insulting people who have already experienced a copious amount of pain and sorrow. No doubt, this makes you feel powerful and superior.

What does this tell me about you? Quite a lot really. It tells me that apparently you have a lot of free time on your hands. Most people are far too busy with their lives to bother stalking the blogs of people with whom they share little in common. I cannot understand the purpose behind your comments. Are you trying to end my marriage? Are you intent on showing me the error of my ways? Do you think your comments will change how I live or see the world? I honestly don't know why you would spend so much time on people you obviously feel are beneath you.

What I am sure of: When I married Khalid I did not marry down as you incinuate--I actually married up! I will leave that exclamation to stand alone without further comment.

I am also sure of one other thing: in order to say the things that you do it is obvious that you do not have love in your life. There is nothing more wretched then not feeling loved and cared for. I know how that feels. I did not know how it felt to be loved until I meet Khalid at the ripe old age of 38. His love completely changed my life and my world for the better. Although my life is not easy-- nor uncomplicated-- it is full and rich. I would not change one minute of the time Khalid and I have spent together.

So, my dear troll: this is the wish I have for you: I want you to find love--the kind of deep, heart seering love that makes your knees weak, your head spin and your veins pulse. I want you to be inspired to lay your life down for someone, to give up your selfishness and petty desires for the needs of someone else, to become a better person. I bessech you to be willing to show your ugly scars, demons and humbling insecurities to someone. Most of all, I wish you the kind of love that alters the very essence of your being, challenges your preconceived notions of reality, and gives you the courage to leave everything familiar behind.

If you experienced this kind of love you would not need to feel powerful or superior to anyone else. Purhaps you would be inspired to make this a better world for others rather than spending an unprecedented amount of time tearing others down.

One can only hope.

When the Universe laughs...

2011-08-14T22:52:00.000-04:00

In a recent post I was talking about letting go of shame and fear and getting serious about working for immigration reform. Its curious how--when you've finally gotten brave and decided to do something different in your life-- how quickly opportunities present themselves. Either that or the Universe just has a mischievous sense of humor and just likes to make you do things that you swear you would never do!! However, I like to look at in a positive light so I much prefer my first explanation.

Not long ago I was contacted by a reporter from PRI the World who was interested in interviewing me for a radio broadcast that was focusing on the expanding blogging community of American citizens who were dealing with the deportation of their significant other. I could not refuse so I agreed to do it.

Last Friday an affiliate in Syracuse came by to tape me. Britta, the interviewer, was a wonderful person who, coincidentally, had a lovely Australian accent. Darn..I wish I had a cute accent. I can't even fake a cute accent. Ah well...I digress...

The whole process went smoothly and was quite pleasant. There was only one technical difficulty and that involved rechargeable batteries that decided they wanted to give up the ghost during my more eloquent moments. (I swear I heard some cackles coming from above...)

Honestly, I was slightly nervous. I was speaking for a lot of people: people who I admired; who were dealing with the same difficulties I was facing-- and they are all dear friends that I didn't want to let down. It was a lot to live up to. All in all I think it went well. I will just have to wait until the final product is done. The anticipation is killing me!

Not too bad for an awkward, easily embarrassed and shy young girl who grew up in rural New York. I hear the Universe laughing..but at least this time, I'm in on the joke and can laugh along.

London is Burning and Black Boys on Mopeds

2011-08-10T18:11:00.002-04:00

I am sick of watching faux news on television. And no…I’m not just talking about Fox News. In this curious era of distracting spectacle, misleading rhetoric, censorship and smoke and mirror campaigns Fox News is not the only institution propagating innuendos and half-truths. For years the potent cocktail of raw and comprehensive news broadcasts has been slowly watered down by the media’s intentional use of superficial language designed to keep the public ignorant of the deeper significance of events in this increasingly precarious, globalized, and turbo-charged capitalistic world.

These simplifications belie the complexity and interconnected relationship between cause and effect and mask the root causes of human behavior played out upon the intricate backdrop of racism, poverty, increasing inequality and the systematic dismantling of social safety nets. As a result of politically sanctioned jargon, words are manipulated to downplay or exaggerate significance at the whim of policy makers. “Protestors” and “activists” become “reactionaries” or “fanatics”. Rich people are no longer referred to as “wealthy” but rather as “job creators”( an erroneous misnomer because it is actually small business owners that create the most jobs. The grotesquely rich are more apt to invest/hoard their money than use it to create jobs for the working or middle class.) Immigrants are often labeled “illegal” regardless of their actual status. Citizens who want to limit military intervention or who support gay marriage are labeled “bleeding heart liberals.” The concept of impartiality is completely alien to the moguls of mainstream, contemporary media. Everything has a spin: a spin that favors the law makers, the wealthiest citizens and the corporations; but simultaneously devalues or demonizes the interests of the working class.

The precipitous for this rant was a feature on NBC’s Nightly news about the riots in London. In particular I objected to the word “thugs” used in the description of the rioters/protesters which designated all those involved as engaging in “criminal activity.” Subsequent research illuminates the fact that that the night began with a peaceful demonstration of people protesting the violent and excessive force of police used against an unarmed man who was shot dead. In fact, the citizens of Tottenham ,for many years, organized peaceful protests, sit ins and other events to draw attention to their plight. Despite their efforts the media largely ignored them—that is—until they turned violent.

Tottenham has an impoverished history-- unknown to most of NBC’s viewers. Since the 1980’s—it has been a destination for immigrants from across the globe including African-Caribbean, Ghanaians, Colombians, Kurds, Turkish and Albanians to name a few. As most people know—or should know—immigrants are often segregated from native people in dilapidated urban areas. These centers become an inescapable geography of invisibility, vulnerability and hopelessness. People confined to these precarious geographies are marginalized in various ways because of their skin color and presupposition to poverty and simultaneously subjected to stringent scrutiny and police harassment.

According to Wikipedia “Tottenham has the highest unemployment rate in London and the 8th highest in the United Kingdom, and it has some of the highest poverty rates within the country”. Writer James Illingsworth states: “IT'S NO coincidence, of course, that these events are taking place in the poorest neighborhoods of London and other major cities. Youth in these areas have grown up in a climate of poverty and racism, facing regular police harassment, along with unemployment rates for youth that were already sky-high before the current economic crisis hit.” Of course, you won’t hear sentiments like this on American mainstream news. According to the press these people are “thugs” and “criminals”. According to Illingsworth the British media-- along with the ruling class-- has a similar message. He goes on to say: “The ruling class reaction to the unrest has been typically hypocritical and reactionary. Politicians, police commanders and media pundits alike have denounced the rebellion as "mindless criminality" .

Calling these individuals “thugs” without illuminating the back-story of the social, cultural and political catalysts that have caused the poor and working class to resort to violence is grievous at best, and journalistic negligence at its worst. People do not normally resort to violence and rioting unless nothing else has worked to alleviate their suffering. The world deserves to know what has caused this tragedy. Labeling these people as “thugs” and “criminals” does nothing to solve the problem—it only serves to cement their position as undesirables and therefore disposable.

I am reminded of a musician popular in the 1980’s: Sinead O’Connor, She wrote a song called Black Boys on Mopeds…which—interestingly enough deals with this very subject. She eloquently and distinctly characterizes this situation; one that has been going on for at least thirty years with the following phrase:

“England's not the mythical land of Madame George and roses
It's the home of police who kill black boys on mopeds
And I love my boy and that's why I'm leaving
I don't want him to be aware that there's
Any such thing as grieving.” ~Sinead O’Connor

I want to end this post by invoking James Illinsworth one last time”

“And when the tensions in people's lives--racism, increasing poverty, alienation and immiseration--reach a boiling point, those in power lecture about how "violence is wrong," without ever once acknowledging the daily violence in the lives of the poor and working-class people.”

Not giving a fuck

2011-08-03T22:05:00.004-04:00

I'm apologizing up front for the foul language. Perhaps I really shouldn't do that because it will defeat the purpose of this post. Which is, ironically, unclear to me at the present moment. I will trust myself to make some semblance of sense when this post is completed. Please stay tuned...

Recently-- in fact-- just a few minutes ago I came across a wonderful old blog post of a photographer named Brandon Stanton. His blog is called "Humans of New York" and he randomly wanders the streets of New York looking for interesting humans to photograph (well, not just New York because this particular blog post was referring to a trip to Chicago).

One night he came across a big, flamboyant and beautiful drag queen named Cyon Flame. Part of Cyon's appeal was his apparent fearlessness. Here was a large black man-- wearing an elaborately bejeweled,feathered and sequined scarlet headdress, matching corset and glittering high heeled platform boots-- languidly and confidently strolling down the middle of a busy Chicago street.

The photographer, a confessed heterosexual man, expressed his respect for gay people in the following passage taken from his blog:

"...at some point in his or her life, every gay person has to look society straight in the eye and say: “I’m gay, and I really don’t give a fuck what you think.” And that isn’t an easy thing to do. If everyone had that kind of courage, there’d be a lot less frowning faces on the subway. There’d probably be more people dancing on floats, half-naked, covered in metallic body paint, and waving peacock feathers in the air. Because you can’t really be free until you don’t give a fuck. And not giving a fuck is just about the hardest thing there is to do. And every gay person has to do it. And I respect the hell out of that. Always have."

The phrase that really knocked me the side of the head is "you can't really be free until you don't give a fuck."

Stop for a moment and think about it for a moment. It's absolutely true. Pure freedom relies on the individual's ability to be authentically themselves, regardless of the opinions or negative reactions of others. And the sad fact remains that authentic people often make other people uncomfortable.

of course, I got thinking about my own life and particularly the immigration issues my husband and I have been dealing with. When you are facing--however remotely-- the prospect of being separated from your loved one just about any subject can refer back to immigration: even a blog post about a drag queen who doesn't give a fuck!

It occurs to me that despite everything my husband and I have been through; despite being as honest about our situation as possible; and despite believing that I really don't care what other people think-- I still do--and far too often. Consequently I fear that I have not given my best effort in fighting against anti-immigration sentiment in this country. Certainly, there have been brief peaks from behind the closet door of self-induced yet culturally sanction shame. I've done a few speeches, written a monologue, sporadically manged a blog about immigration, etc. But there is so much more I could do--if only I could stop caring what people thought. If only I could manage the derogatory remarks of people who prefer to wallow in their ignorance rather than cultivating empathy.

Part of the problem is anger. I still have not let go of my anger. As a result, every time someone says something negative or ignorant about immigrants my eyes bulge out of my sockets, my head spins around, smoke comes out of my ears and my face turns purple. This is not attractive nor constructive. What I need to do is cultivate love, even in the face of irrational hate.

Actually, what I need to do is balance both love and the ability to be true to myself and my convictions.(aka "not giving a fuck!")

Now I feel is the perfect time to do that. I am ready to let go of my anger, embrace love and fight for what I believe in. On the horizon I see opportunities presenting themselves.In the immortal words of J.K. Rowling "It's gonna be a bumpy ride."

25 things I love about my "turkey on rye"

2011-07-06T19:07:00.000-04:00

In the interest of solidarity with some amazing woman whom I am lucky enough to call friends, I am posting my 25 favorite things about my husband--an immigrant who has been mandated for deportation.

As an aside, because my husband is Muslim and cannot eat pork I am altering the terminology from "ham sandwich" to "turkey on rye." I don't think he would appreciate being compared to a ham sandwich. Additionally, I'm somewhat squeamish about comparing any man to a piece of meat and Khalid will probably feel the same way. But I think he will forgive me if I compare him to halal deli meat. I figure if I am going to liken him to a piece of meat than this is the least I can do!

Sorry if these references don't make sense at the moment. I will go into a brief explanation momentarily.

So, here is the scene...a very well written story was posted in the NY Daily News entitled "American-born wives married to U.S. deported or banned spouses band together via online networks." A link is available below if you would like to read the full article. Someone with a hatred of immigrants decided that he was going to trash talk in the comments section all of these courageous women who left behind everything familiar to start a new life in a different country. According to this misguided person " a woman will marry a ham sandwich."

Read more:

http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle/2011/07/03/2011-07-03_americanborn_wives_married_to_us_deported_or_banned_spouses_band_together_via_on.html#ixzz1RMJHSzrh

So, here are my 25 reasons why I love "my turkey on rye."

1) He is one of the few men in my life who look past my weight and see the beautiful person within. He makes me feel special, loved and desirable.

2) He has the patience of a saint. No matter how exasperated, annoyed or impatient I am Khalid is always able to keep his cool! His unflappable demeanor always puts me at ease.

3) Whenever I ask him to...he will always buy me chocolate...no questions asked. (Although he would probably say that buying me chocolate during "those times of the month" is an exercise in self-preservation!)

4) He always does the dishes after we have dinner. That is such a Godsend because I hate doing the dishes!

5) There is not one superficial or mean-spirited bone in the man's body. He never trash-talks or talks down to anyone.

6) Khalid is grounded and centered. He personifies the word Zen. I never knew that there existed men who were so calm, serene and grounded. As a result, I have become grounded--well...at least most of the time. People do comment on how much more confident and centered I have been since being married.

7) Khalid understands that when I get bad news--particularly in regards to his immigration difficulties--that I need to completely fall apart first and then I can pick up the pieces and trudge onward with a fighting spirit. I have no idea why this is part of my personality, but it is.

8) He puts up with all my feminist outbursts about inequality, racism, misogyny, violence against women, poverty, globalization, imperialism, xenophobia, etc. Not many men would be able to handle such feminist sensibilities but Khalid does. Obviously being married to a strong and opinionated woman does not in any way emasculate him.

9) Khalid shares the same eccentric, goofy and child-like sense of humor as
I do. It has been exhilarating to find someone who laughs at my "jokes".

10) Khalid's skin tone is the most beautiful shade of warm brown. I love to look at him. I once lamented to his sister that Khalid doesn't like to have his picture taken and she replied it is probably because he feels his skin is too dark. Well-- my love, if your reading this I absolutely adore your skin color and I wouldn't want it changed for anything! You are so handsome!

11)He graciously accepts my dysfunctional family and never complains when we go over to spend time with them. (He is a saint! I think I mentioned this before!)

12) He is extremely open-minded and shares many of my progressive viewpoints! This also indicates that he is extremely intelligent! hehehe...

13) He is extremely curious about everything!

14) Khalid loves music...all kinds of music but especially Peter Murphy! I think I literally fell in love with him when I played my favorite Peter Murphy song and he loved it. I knew at that moment that the man had discriminating taste. (Not many people know who Peter Murphy is...but anyone who does becomes an instant friend!)

15) He takes care of my car. Yes, although I am a feminist-- I still don't like cars, don't care about cars and don't know how to maintain a car.(Other than making sure the darn thing has gas.) Thank goodness Khalid loves cars and doesn't mind giving my car the TLC it deserves.

16) I love in the morning--just about every morning--before we get up for the day that he turns on his back and lets me snuggle and sleep on his chest with his arm around my shoulder. It's such a simple thing but its one of my favorite daily rituals.

17) He is just so gosh-darned cute! Which is a good thing because he often teases me about everything. I always reply: "well..it's a good thing that you are cute!"

18) He always knows when I am upset. I don't know how he knows but he is always perceptive. Even when I'm trying to be stoic. Actually, this can be rather annoying too...hmmmmm...

19) He makes a great pancake and turkey bacon breakfast!

20) He always kisses me when he leaves and when he comes home. And I get numerous hugs through the day. This is amazing to me because my parents hardly ever touched each other when I was growing up. It used to seem normal to me...but not now that I have lived with Khalid.

21) He is Muslim. Khalid's sense of graciousness, serenity, respect for all living beings, humility and integrity can be attributed--in large measure-- to his upbringing in Islam. Although most Americans think of Muslims as being extremists, violent and conservative I can say with certainty this is a misguided stereotype and nothing more.

22) He is interested in ghosts and crop circles! Although I generally don't put much faith in the existence of paranormal oddities I do indulge an interest in these two subjects! And its wonderful to be able to share this with him and not be considered delusional!

23) His smile. I swear that man could charm the pants off the Venus De Milo statue. That is if she wore pants-- which she doesn't. Mostly it's just a billowing, gossamer sheet that barely covers her lower half. Well...anyways...

24) He never gets upset if I don't keep up with my set of household chores!

25)He picked me! He didn't have to but he did! That says it all!

A bone to pick with Obama

2011-06-05T12:56:00.001-04:00

No doubt this post will annoy some Obama supporters. A few years ago I would have been reluctant to anger so many people that I count as friends. After all, I voted for Obama. I understood why so many were drawn to Obama's sermon of hope and change. I watched the inauguration with tears in my eyes, naively confident that our newly elected African-American president would shake up the status quo feverishly defended by rich greedy white men. I mean--he was a community planner--he actually helped poor people! What other president in recent memory had actually made a living by helping the poor and downtrodden? I had reason to hope--or so I thought.

But now I no longer care if I rock the boat. Sounds harsh, I know, but something has fundamentally changed in my personality since dealing with these immigration issues. I have glimpsed how utterly lost and maligned our country has become. It's bad enough that we have ignorant and clinically disturbed politicians in office, that people are detained without ever having committed a crime,that we-- the richest nation in the world-- cannot afford a national health care system, that our elected officials won't take care of our veterans and wounded solders, and despite the irresolute commitment to improving our education system we have declared war on teachers while simultaneously slashing school budgets. If that isn't madness, then I obviously don't know what is.

We have become a spoiled, callous and corrupt nation. Even more egregious is how many of us collude with this depravity by embracing a collective rational that engenders silence and denial of the chaos, madness and injustice that permeates our country. We become subsumed into political scandals, celebrity mishaps,a myriad of frivolous pursuits and the long expired (if ever it really existed) myths of American exceptionalism, entitlement and moral superiority.

Obama, in my estimation, has been a huge disappointment. I could easily hold him solely responsible for grievous errors committed against the most vulnerable in our country. These errors include renewing the Patriot Act, the raids and arrests of non violent activists, his proclamation that the government can spy on Americans by intercepting any calls made internationally, his implementation of the National Emergencies Act which allows him to revoke Habeas corpus for any American who is deemed an enemy combatant,etc, etc, etc..

Especially noxious is Obama's reluctance to implement any real push to initiate immigration reform--a campaign promise. He has said that despite having the means to offer relief to individual families dealing with detention and separation he is reluctant to do so because "we are a nation of laws." Bah humbug. We are a nation of laws that favors the wealthy and powerful. For the rest of us we live with inequity everyday.

While any of those listed reasons could be the apex of my disappointment there is another, more profound reason for my lamentation. You see, I believed in Obama's rhetoric because I still believed that the office of the President still held some power. I believed that the President had the ability, within certain limitations, to correct injustices against the people. I believed that the integrity of the President still helped to shape the nation and subsequently the laws that governed that nation.

However, I now realize that the real power in Washington is governed by lobbyists, and particularly shaped by the wealthy corporate lobbying machine. In essence, The President is a figure-head and only acts in accordance with the will of the corporations. The two party system is irrelevant. Both parties are corporate whores.

I could hold Obama solely responsible for these misdeeds, but that would be a mistake. Essentially, Obama is at the mercy and the whims of wealthy corporations--just as the rest of us. He has little autonomy. It now occurs to me that perhaps I was too hard and critical of George W. Bush during his presidency. He had as little autonomy as Obama. I still don't feel that Bush was very astute but maybe he wasn't the evil man that I thought he was. He was just a puppet on a string.

I do have a bone to pick with Obama and here it is: my biggest disappointment is that he undermined my belief in the American political system. I can never go back to the naive bliss of blind faith. Perhaps, in the end...that is a good thing.

After the Rapture

2011-05-22T15:12:00.001-04:00

Well...here I am blogging as another summer approaches. It is also the day after the Rapture, and as far as I can tell, the only thing that has been Raptured is my checking account balance--oh yeah, and my patience with the immigration system. Ho-hum...

Even though it has been many months since I last blogged, not much has occurred in my husband's case. About the only thing we have learned is that his adjustment of status has been denied along with the waivers. Interestingly enough we never received a denial in the mail for the waivers-- although Khalid's Deportation Officer conveniently had the denial in her hands when we visited Homeland Security in March. Of course, as is customary in this labyrinth of immigration bureaucracy, there was no reason given for the denial. Even the Deportation Officer found it curious that no reason was given since legally a reason has to be given.

To get specific information about the reason for denial the Deportation Officer advised us to make an inquiry at the local immigration services center in Albany--which we did. We made an appointment and the people there told us we would need to make a formal written inquiry to the main processing center (in Nebraska if I remember correctly.) We did what they told us.

After a few weeks we received a written reply from the Nebraska processing center stating that they did not have the information and that we would need to go back to the Albany office to get the reason! Ugh! So, basically we are just getting the run around. Now we have to make another appointment with the office in Albany and it looks like I am going to have to get assertive with these people. We can't consult a lawyer without having a reason for denial in writing!

I am so sick of these hoops that this damn immigration system makes people go through. This is all beyond mere bureaucracy and borders on complete ineptitude. Anyone who denies that the American immigration system is broken and dysfunctional please tell them to contact me and I will put them straight!

What I really wish was Raptured yesterday was the whole damned immigration/ immigration judicial system in the United States!

An immigrant like me

2010-08-04T16:38:00.003-04:00

I've been reading a lot this summer which, like everything else, has a positive and negative bent. The positive is that I've learned quite a bit--particularly about the history of immigration in America. The negative means that time devoted to artwork has diminished in favor of spending a majority of my time reading.

This reading–frenzy is the result of a challenge posed to me by one of my professors late spring semester. I was lamenting over the fact that I could not find sufficient information explaining why my husband's immigration situation has been so difficult.

My professor suggested that instead of asking "why" this has happened, I should try asking "how." What a difference one little word can make! "Why" is a question not always answerable because asking the question "why" denotes determining internal causes: and that can be nearly impossible. “Why” demands illuminating psychological and emotional responses of individuals and groups--no easy task. But restructuring the question and asking "how” changes the focus and inspires an investigation of root causes, history and significant events that have influenced the situation”. As a result, I've been reading a lot about American culture, immigration history, racism, and white nationalism.

There is one book; in particular, that has made a lasting impression on me this summer. The book is entitled: Black like Me by John Howard Griffin. Briefly, the book is about a white Southern man who found rampant discrimination of blacks in the Jim Crow era of the 1950's morally repugnant. He decided that to completely understand the trials blacks contend with on a daily basis he would need to become black himself. The book outlines the disparity, discrimination, naked hatred and humiliation he suffers as he travels across The South as a black man.

Despite this book being published in the 1960’s, the essence of the book continues to be relevant in today’s world. Not only to blacks who still face rampant institutionalized racism but also to Hispanics and other immigrants being demonized in the current incarnation of xenophobia. In an eerie prediction of future racial strife and increasing xenophobia—not only in The South but throughout contemporary American society, John Howard Griffin states:

“The Negro. The South. These are details. The real story is the universal one of men who destroy the souls and bodies of other men (and in the process destroy themselves) for reasons neither really understands. It is the story of the persecuted, the defrauded, the feared and detested. I could have been a Jew in Germany, a Mexican in a number of states, or a member of any “inferior” group. Only the details would have differed. The story would be the same.” – John Howard Griffin

I am particularly struck by the phrase “a Mexican in a number of states”. How poignant such a phrase is, for an era—a state; Arizona-- that is trying to sanction passing a law that clearly discriminates against a specific part of a marginalized population. Just like the Jim Crow laws did in the period of 1920’s-1960’s, the SB 1070 law mandates a different set of rules and expectations for certain groups and sets up the sanctioning of increased forms of dehumanization, exploitation and vulnerability.

It occurs to me, that it would be interesting if someone would follow John Howard Griffin’s moral example and attempt to walk in a Hispanic—or any undocumented immigrants shoes-- and experience the degradation, isolation and dehumanization for just one day. I surmise it would be very illuminating.

Honoring America's deportees

2010-08-03T16:45:00.003-04:00

So here it is, a Facebook group called Honoring America's deportees which has been formed to enlist people into some pro-immigrant activism. Thanks to some word of mouth I have a good group forming.

I have added a description of the first project we will be involved in, which is a quilt with the names of 24 immigrants deported from America's shores. I will be uploading a picture of a sketch of the design of the quilt which incorporates traditional , crazy and patchwork quilting.

For further information, please check the link below. If you want to participate, have suggestions or just want to vicariously observe, please join the group. The more the merrier!

http://www.facebook.com/#!/group.php?gid=143274455699956

Disguising malignancy: positive psychology and the art of self-deception

2010-07-29T05:05:00.002-04:00

I came across an article about the U.S. military implementing a new program that trains recruits in the subtle art of positive psychology. The link for the article is :

http://www.alternet.org/world/147637

According to the author of the article, positive psychology is implemented in order to develop and improve “communication skills, cognitive reforming skills and help soldiers not to catastrophize -- don’t think of the worse case scenario about every potential problem.” The program also teaches soldiers to focus on “expressing appreciation” and “correcting negative views of ambiguous events.”

Now, I don't know about you, but I'm not comfortable with the idea of our military becoming a comedic, perpetual perky version of a modern day "Hogan's Heroes". If you are too young to remember the 1960's tv show, all I can suggest is look it up on Hulu or Youtube.

I'm not saying that optimism isn't a good trait to have, but when you are working in a volatile environment and when one false move can result in your death or someone next to you, I'm not sure if "putting on a happy face" and thinking positive thoughts is the prudent approach. When confronted by dangerous situations, it is wise to consider all negative consequences and worst case scenarios. This is nearly impossible when all you are trained to do is think happy thoughts.

Additionally, I can't fathom how it is possible to express appreciation when you are being attacked by guerrilla soldiers.

Interestingly enough, just before I came across this article, I read a book entitled: Empire of Illusion: the End of Literacy and the Triumph of Spectacle by Chris Hedges. He writes about the infiltration of illusions in American culture, and one of these illusions he tackles is the merits of positive psychology.

Chris Hedges argues that positive psychology is inherently destructive to individuals and society. He explains in the following paragraph:

"Philosopher David Jopling calls positive illusions 'life-lies'. He argues that so-called positive illusions may work for awhile but collapse when reality becomes too harsh and intrudes on the dream world. 'The deeper and more pervasive an individual's positive illusions,' writes Jopling, 'the greater their effect of diminishing his range of awareness of himself, other people, and the situation confronting him.' Jopling argues that self-deception strategies are reality filters that organize what people understand into self-relevant and self-serving packages. 'With the diminishing of the range of responsiveness and openness' to what is real. Ones' ability to interact intelligently with all of the world's real consequences diminishes. Jopling warns of the grave moral consequences for a delusional society. 'This means that the range of social, emotional, and personal relations that connect us to others, to the social world, and to our own humanity, are progressively weakened as self-deceptive strategies become progressively entrenched in behavior and thought.'" p. 123-124 Hedges

Corporations have been promoting positive psychology for decades, argues Chris Hedges. The results have been catastrophic and have facilitated the rise of consumerism, along with the emergence of an apathetic citizenry and the entrenchment of conformity and allegiance to authority: even in the midst of immorality. Hedges elaborates:

"Corporatism, aided by positive psychology, relies on several effective coercive persuasion techniques, similar to those often employed by cults, to meld workers into a "happy" collective. It sanctions interpersonal and psychological attacks and lavish praise to destabilize an individual's sense of self and promotes compliance. It uses the coercive pressure of organized peer groups. It applies interpersonal pressure, including attacks on individuality and criticism as a form of negativity, to ensure conformity. It manipulates and controls the totality of the person's social environment to stabilize modified behavior." p. 135 Hedges

Personally, I believe positive psychology is dangerous. It gives the illusion that all anyone has to do to change their circumstances is think positive thoughts and, poof..everything is rosy. It encourages reliance on magical thinking and denies the realities of social inequity and social responsibility. Most disturbing of all is it coerces conformity and an unhealthy allegiance to authority figures by stifling independent and critical thought.

As Albert Einstein said: “Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth.”

Empire of Illusion: The End of Literacy and the Triumph of Spectacle

For a change: good news coming from Arizona

2010-07-28T16:49:00.000-04:00

Good news! Believe me, for pro-immigrant activists and people who support human rights, this is the kind of news we want and need to hear.

Federal Judge Sue Bolton of Phoenix Arizona has blocked key controversial items from going forward on July 29th: the date the controversial SB 1070 was to go into effect!

I won't go into all the details. You can read it in the link I will supply at the end of this post from the New York Times. I just want to say I am very proud to be an American today. I had a hard time believing that the judge would block SB 1070 because of all anti-immigrant hoopla being promoted in the media . Common sense and an allegiance to the principles in the Constitution apparently trumped hatred and fear.

For that I am grateful. Let's hope these principles stand firm in the midst of probable appeals.

Embracing my inner eccentric

2010-07-20T16:32:00.011-04:00

There is a book entitled Eccentrics by David Weeks. I have not personally read it but I did peruse a blog post that mentioned it. In fact, the blogger included an excerpt written by Weeks that lists 15 traits of an eccentric. I found the list fascinating because many of the traits apply to me. The list can be found below with my comments added in bold :

•Nonconforming: YES

•Creative: YES

•Strongly motivated by curiosity: Absolutely

•Idealistic: wants to make the world a better place and the people in it happier: This definitely describes me

•Happily obsessed with one or more hobbies: Yeah, definitely

•Aware from early childhood that he/she is different: YES

•Intelligent: YES

•Opinionated and outspoken, convinced that he is right and that the rest of the world is out of step: Opinionated yes; outspoken, not usually—but as I get older I am becoming more so. The second part I plead the 5th.

•Noncompetitive, not in need of reassurance or reinforcement from society: Definitely non-competitive

•Unusual in his eating habits and living arrangements: Not so much

•Not particularly interested in the opinions or company of other people, except in order to persuade them to his the correct - point of view: True to an extent. I am interested in certain people’s company and in people who have informed opinions rather than those who structure their belief systems around cultural conditioning and emotional reactions-- exclusive of rational thinking. As a rule; I do not follow the herd mentality and prefer spending time with creative or unusual people with original ideas.

•Possessed of a mischievous sense of humor: YES

•Single: No, but I did not get married until I was 37

•usually the eldest or an only child: Only child

•Bad speller: Guilty as charged.

Since grade school, I have always recognized myself as somewhat of a misfit. I never had a problem making friends: although they usually came from the margins of “popularity central”. This meant that I befriended the artists, poets, punks, intellectuals, introverts, and other people outside the dominate society.

I intrinsically knew, even from a young age, that my opinions, beliefs and life experiences were somehow different from the majority of my classmates. For awhile, I attributed that to my introverted nature, but I may need to tweak that understanding a bit and just decide to embrace my inner eccentric!

As a result, I should not be surprised to find myself in love with and married to an immigrant: nor should it be surprising that I am committed to fighting the discriminatory system that has deemed my husband disposable, deportable-- and continues to stifle him within a soft cage of institutionalized xenophobia.

Additionally, it is not shocking to find myself in the minority when it comes to rallying for immigrant rights and immigration reform. Nor is it out of character for me to be vehemently opposed to a dehumanizing, unconstitutional and evil law as SB 1070. The herd mentality I mentioned before requires a blind allegiance to-- and a fervent belief in the unquestioned moral righteousness of assigned leaders, media moguls and law makers/ enforcement. I have no such illusory concepts.

So, as one of the greatest minds of American literature once stated: “Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.” Mark Twain

I completely agree! 'Cos just because it's popular doesn't make it healthy, moral or just.

When the hate hits close to home

2010-07-17T21:26:00.010-04:00

I don't mind saying that I am worried. The recent explosion of anti-immigrant fervor running rampant through this country has resigned me to fear the worst. With Jan Brewer, governor of Arizona, trying to stoke the fire of moral panic against Hispanics by claiming law enforcement has found bodies with decapitated heads, and the rise of neo-nazi vigilantes wielding guns and searching for immigrants crossing the border, and more states looking to implement similar laws to SB 1070 I don't see how the situation can get much worse--well, other than the eruption of widespread violence. Honestly, (and I apologize for the pessimism) based on the level of hate that has risen to the surface, I don't think violence is out of the question.

But what has disheartened me the most is when the hate is spewed from people within my immediate circle. I'm not talking about family members. We are fortunate to have family who have been incredibly supportive. I'm referring to people that I have come to respect and consider friends. People who have expressed concern for Khalid's situation in the past. Individuals who have met Khalid and have commented on what a nice, respectful person he is.

And yet, even when they know Khalid, his story, how he has been mistreated, locked up, and dehumanized; they can still support a discriminatory law like SB 1070 and spew hateful rhetoric about Hispanics. And I wonder: what good has come from talking about my husband's situation? Why did I put our lives up for scrutiny? I was idealistic and actually thought sharing our story would help temper the hate. But maybe I was wrong. Maybe all the condolences, empathy and well wishes were all lies.

Personally, I cannot make a distinction between my husband and all the Hispanic immigrants in this country. There is no way I can compartmentalize his story and say he deserves to stay in America and yet deny that same privilege to Hispanics. That is exactly what my "friends" are doing when they express empathy for my husband and yet profess disdain for Hispanics. Whatever happens to Hispanics in Arizona can certainly happen to my husband.

The struggle against the SB1070 law is not just to secure human rights for Hispanics--although that is a moral enough cause; it is also to end the dehumanization and inferiority status for all immigrants-- whether they are legal or illegal. All people are sacred and no group-- whether they are white, black, brown, disabled, homosexual, transgendered, etc-- deserves to be singled out by discriminatory laws.

After all, dehumanization and keeping "undesirables" in their place were the reasons behind the statute in apartheid South Africa that made it mandatory for black people to keep documentation. Dehumanization and keeping "undesirables" in their place were the reasons for implementing the Jim Crow laws and certainly dehumanization and keeping "undesirables" in their place was the purpose behind the Holocaust. We can NEVER forget that! And how did all these things occur? How did ordinary people ignore the cruelty that was inflicted? By designating that these specific groups of people simply did not matter.

However, what is particularly terrifying to me is my emotional reaction to this recent phenomenon. I've never considered myself a hateful person and I don't believe anyone would characterize me as such. I've certainly disliked some people in my lifetime but never hated anyone. But now, sometimes I feel so disillusioned, so frustrated, so sick of the stereotypes, the ignorance that runs rampant and unchecked through the immigration debate that I feel hate. It's not a good feeling. And I'm ashamed.

But then I remember, it is just this kind of feeling--unadulterated hate-- that is fueling this anti-immigration fire in this country. A hate so fiery, irrational and uncontrollable that it threatens us all: whether we are citizens, legal or otherwise. We are all in danger.

At least I have acknowledged and named my hate. Now I can conquer it. By conquering hate I can ensure that it will not spill over and adversely affect anyone else. I wish we would all acknowledge and conquer our hate. If we did, our world would be a lot less volatile.

The Crisis of Western Civilization

2010-07-10T14:30:00.007-04:00

Thom Hartmann is a genius! I don't say that lightly because geniuses seem to be in short supply these days. According to Hartman, all of Western society's; and by extension through globalization, the world's problems-- can be attributed to faulty and irrational thinking.

Since researching immigration, sexism, racism, homophobia, neo-liberal policies, environmental degradation and the prison industrial complex I have come to the conclusion that most--if not all--of these issues stem from the same fundamental problem. Hartmann eloquently gives a name to this root cause: "cultural dysfunction" and names the basis for this dysfunction as being the unbridled and illusory notion that economies should exponentially grow without barriers, restrictions or limitations. Hartman explains this notion is illusory and dangerous because there are not enough natural resources to sustain this type of growth.

Rather than looking at all things natural as being sacred and inherently valuable in its own right, Western civilization strives, through its fervent worship of growth economics, to turn everything into commodities. Utilizing patriarchy-- and what Hartmann terms; unnatural tools of hierarchies, Western civilization attempts to divvy out material goods to the most deserving populace.

I highly recommend watching the entire interview. It is a half an hour long but well worth the time invested.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=poMPeSx_WnY&feature=PlayList&p=40421D748A1E3E02&playnext_from=PL&playnext=1&index=12

Cowards out of men

2010-07-09T11:10:00.001-04:00

At the moment, we are still waiting for a determination on the waivers we have submitted to Homeland Security to adjust Khalid's status to that of legal permanent resident. It has been over a year since we first submitted it and we are still w...a...i...t...i...n...g... Additionally, we have also requested a pardon from the governor of New York and we are awaiting the outcome of that as well. Might as well leave no stone unturned.

I have no idea what is taking so long--other than to blame the delay on the well-known governmental presupposition towards bureaucratic inertia. The facts have been spelled out, our backgrounds have all been checked, re-checked and then checked again. No doubt, we have been subjected to various surveillance. I am sure the government is well aware of what kind of people we are, who we hang out with, our credit histories, opinions and affiliations. Obviously, there are no indications that we are violent or a threat to national security.

However, there is one possible cog in the wheel of securing Khalid's freedom-- That is this blog. Since this blog is publicly displayed on the web there is a good chance that it has been monitored by the government. Anyone who regularly reads my blog will attest to the fact that I am critical of aspects of the contemporary incarnation of our government, along with culture, capitalism, religion, and American exceptionalism.

In all honesty, this tendency towards criticism is a direct result of meeting Khalid and understanding his story. Before meeting my husband I did not find politics, law, culture or foreign policies the least bit interesting. I spent my time reading fiction, creating aesthetically pleasing artwork and remaining blissfully ignorant of how politics and world events can affect individual lives.

However, I will digress for a minute. For people who feel I am exaggerating the role of surveillance in our lives I recommend that they read the full expanse of The Patriot Act. Lovers of freedom, privacy and American ideals will, no doubt, find subsequent clauses quite objectionable.

The extent of surveillance for me, as a U.S. citizen, has likely been minimal and predominately limited to information found within the public sphere including credit scores, my education, addresses, my blog, etc. Despite this minimal intrusion it is still unsettling to think the government may still be monitoring my life. However, In addition to public information being monitored, I am confident that my banking records have been perused and even my phone has been tapped--particularly when we were first married.

Why? Well, when Khalid was first detained I'm sure he was tagged under the auspiciousness of being a possible Muslim terrorist. Therefore, his entire background was scrutinized in order to find evidence of misconduct. It is not a breach of logic to conclude, that I, as his wife, was also subject to a certain amount of surveillance. Exactly how much is debatable--and I have resigned myself to the reality of never knowing.

During this ordeal, I have occasionally doubted the prudence of maintaining this blog and being honest about my experiences and feelings. It has occurred to me that the things I say here have labeled me a "rogue" (in the real sense of the word, not the Palin-esque, misconstrued and sleight of hand invocation of the word recently implemented).

After the self-doubt seizure ends I can never deny my interpretations of the events that have swirled around us and how those events have impacted our lives. I could not sleep with a clear conscious if I remained silent and impotent. It is not in my DNA. And although I don't have enough disposable income to travel around the country actively protesting in pro-immigrant rallies..I can protest within my own small corner of the blogsphere-- always with the hope that I am educating someone about the current injustices perpetrated on minorities, immigrants and their families.

As Abraham Lincoln once said; "To stand in silence when they should be protesting makes cowards out of men."

Let me introduce you to......

2010-07-07T17:07:00.001-04:00

….John Tanton. A retired, small town ophthalmologist, John Tanton’s appearance is not particularly extraordinary or noteworthy. His interests include botany, conservationism and environmentalism. No one would guess that he regularly fraternizes with white nativists, neo- Nazis and white supremacists.. Regardless of this innocuousness, John Tanton is an unapologetic white nationalist.

According to Wikipedia-“White nationalism advocates a racial definition of national identity, as opposed to multiculturalism. The contemporary movement is a reaction to a perceived decline in white demographics, politics and culture.” According to Samuel Francis, it is ‘a movement that rejects equality as an ideal and insists on an enduring core of human nature transmitted by heredity.’"

Samuel Huntington elaborates:, “Rather than espouse violence, they use statistics and social science data to argue for a self-conscious white identity.[ They say a natural hierarchy should triumph over the ‘false promise of egalitarianism’- and that the downfall of white dominance spells doom for representative government, the rule of law and freedom of speech.”

“Supporters say they stand for racial self-preservation and claim culture itself is a product of race. As a result, according to Huntington, they say the demographic shift in the U.S. towards non-whites brings a new culture that is intellectually and morally inferior. With it comes affirmative action, immigrant ghettos and declining educational standards. By challenging established policy on immigration, civil rights and racial integration, they seek to build bridges with moderately conservative white citizens.”

Now, I am not going to waste time identifying the inconsistencies, analytical errors and racist ideology of eugenics,” natural” hierarchy, and the illusion of a invariable white identity. Instead, I am concerned with illuminating John Tanton’s influence on anti-immigration rhetoric in this country. He has been an integral force for enacting the harsh and stringent immigration laws of the last fourteen years and has fuelled the conflated moral panic directed against legal and illegal immigrants in this country—and based his conclusions on unsubstantiated statistics.

Additionally, I won’t enlist the contemporary tendency to cloak the ugly face of racism with artificial, cosmetic concealment in order to make it palatable to the general public. Despite rants to the contrary, white nationalists are racist-- in every abhorrent characteristic of the term. A snake is a snake regardless of the semantics he may use to disguise his identity.

As a proponent of white nationalism, John Tanton established the largest and arguably most influential anti-immigrant group in the country called FAIR. The goal of FAIR is to restrict and significantly curtail immigration, particularly from those of the southern hemisphere. While their website seems innocuous enough, the underlying goal of FAIR is the banishment of all supposedly--unassimiable black and brown immigrants from this country, and the subsequent re-establishment of America as a predominately white nation.

In fact, the recently passed Arizona law SB 1070 was formed, written and implemented by John Tanton along with other well known white nationalist: including Arizona senator Russell Pearce and Kris Kobach. John Tanton also had a hand in shaping the Arizona law that prohibits ethnic studies from being taught in public schools.

So, the next time someone asks me if I think the Arizona law SB 1070 is racist, I can unequivocally, confidently and vehemently shout YES………absolutely yes!!

Practical, if not probable, solutions for immigration reform

2010-06-28T14:33:00.011-04:00

Here it is, my feeble attempt to take on the mess that is our U.S. immigration system. However, I do not believe that a few simple fixes will fundamentally change the root cause of institutionalized immigrant discrimination. To end institutional immigrant discrimination you first need to eliminate institutionalized racism/sexism--and, unfortunately, I do not see that changing anytime soon.

Racism, sexism and classism will only abate when the social hierarchies of wealth and power structures in American capitalism are dismantled. Indeed, capitalism--especially late stage, unregulated capitalism, requires an ever-increasing number of hyper-exploitable, vulnerable workers to utilize against other workers in order to drive down wages for everyone.

Of course, race and sex are two favorite modes of classifying and segregating these workers: legal and illegal workers is another. It behooves capitalism to segregate workers in hierarchies in order to pit the various groups against each other. This ensures there is always a vulnerable group for capitalism to exploit (should one group get too demanding and uppity) and also keeps the working masses so busy fighting and blaming each other they will never unite together and fight their common oppressor: the elite capitalists.

Having said that, if I was the American President and had unlimited power (unrealistic--I know) I would do the following--listed in order of priority.

#1

The first thing I would do is ensure that The Family Unification Act and The Dream Act will pass. Two many wives, husbands, children, brothers and sisters are being needlessly torn apart with little prospect of reuniting. Additionally, many promising and intelligent young people are being deported before they can finish their degrees. The majority of them did not have a choice as to whether to stay in the US illegally. They came here as young children. Deporting any of these individuals-without a legal avenue to adjust their status-- is barbaric, ridiculous and goes against morality and commonsense.

#2

The second adjustment I would implement is changing our economic and foreign policies in order to foster cooperation with developing nations to strengthen their economies rather than plundering their raw materials, exploiting their labor force and undermining their autonomy. The stronger a nation becomes--and the more stable--the less likely people will move from their homelands. With that being said I will digress for a moment:

People don't like moving from their homeland, friends and families. In general, people prefer to remain in familiar surroundings with people of a similar language, customs and a shared history. Migrants don't like moving to foreign lands but they are compelled to do so for various reasons including extreme poverty, starvation, political/ethnic/religious violence and turmoil in their homelands. And although there has always been migration; the contemporary waves of immigrants from the southern hemisphere towards the epicenters of capitalism in the Northern hemisphere is unprecedented in history.

So, we need to ask ourselves, why is this mass exodus happening?

In a nutshell, these mass migrations are fueled by globalization and the unequal power dynamics between rich and developing countries that can be traced to colonialism, imperialism and the contemporary incarnation of unregulated turbo charged-capitalism. These policies of global de-regulation and unlimited free trade have been facilitated by IMF and WTO loan policies to control developing nations. The United States has significantly contributed to the financing of the IMF and WTO and therefore has undue influence in shaping these loan policies.

Jarrett S, Lovell, author and activist explains the history of the IMF specifically, and how it has metamorphosed into the neo-liberal institution it is today:

"In assessing the rise of corporate domination, many observers identify the aftermath of the Second World War as the era when corporate power became most pronounced. Indeed, the roots of contemporary discontent over corporate globalization can be found within the international trade institutions and policies that emerged at the end of the Second World War. Specifically after the war ended, the United Nations Monetary and financial Conference was assembled at Bretton Woods, New Hampshire, where the International Monetary fund (IMF) was created to finance the construction of Europe and to prevent international financial crises. To be sure, the IMF is a public institution. It is financed by taxes provided by citizens from contributor nations. It was established to allow countries experiencing financial problems to continue with global trade uninterrupted. the IMF initially recognized that even so-called free markets require regulation to prevent economic and social catastrophe. By the 1980's, however, the IMF operated according to an ideology that viewed any regulation as a barrier to capital. Under a new doctrine of neoliberalism, officials from the IMF encouraged countries to "liberalize" their economies, that is, to reduce or do away with such barriers as tariffs and humanitarian or environmental regulations."

So, in order to pave the way for free trade in developing nations, the IMF and WTO will coerce a country to dismantle their social networks, eliminate environmental protections for their citizens, de-value their currency and implement any number of laws and conditions that favor commerce (aka "progress") over citizenry. Some countries have even been strong armed into altering their constitutions in order to placate transnational companies.

So, transnational companies move into an area, set up temporary factories and hire the indigenous people for a pittance. They exploit and mistreat their workers while simultaneously destroying and poisoning the communities and residential areas where their employees live.

Suddenly--they will close up shop, layoff their workers and move to another developing nation where they can pay the work force less and exploit the populace and environment further. Leaving all workers, the world over, vulnerable, subjugated and intimidated.

#3

If I was President, I would consider one of my most fundamental jobs would be to hold myself, and all other public people and institutions to a high standard of ethics, particularly paying close attention to how words can fuel hate and human rights violations.

Citizens in The United States are fearful and look to the future anxiously. When people are scared they tend to look for a scapegoat to blame their troubles on. As Bertrand Russell eloquently states: "Collective fear stimulates herd instinct, and tends to produce ferocity toward those who are not regarded as members of the herd."
The President must be aware of this tendency and must not only choose his words wisely but must also publicly chastise those public individuals who use language unscrupulously to fuel hate and fear-mongering.

#4

As President I would completely overhaul the U.S. immigration court system. I would make sure that all judges sitting on the immigration court benches actually had a degree in immigration law. I would hire more immigration judges to take on the expanding load of immigration cases.

Additionally, I would expand the number of approved asylum quotas--based on need per each individual country.I would also implement some type of committee to oversee immigration lawyers. Any lawyers found misrepresenting themselves or exploiting immigrants would be fined and disbarred.

These are a few of the reforms I would put in place. There are more I could add but these are the most urgently needed.

"Other people's baggage"

2010-06-27T13:53:00.001-04:00

The title of this post was borrowed from a phrase written on a blog maintained by a good friend of mine. Her name is Giselle Stern Hernandez and her husband was deported to Mexico back in 2000. A few months later she left her homeland in the United States to join him.

Giselle is a multi-talented artist who travels across the States and Mexico to perform a monologue piece she created about her exiled experience and the consequences of her husband's deportation. I highly recommend her blog and will include a link.

After reading a particular post on Giselle's blog: The Deportees Wife entitled "When Dialogue is Pointless." I was particularly struck by a specific phrase that Giselle wrote. The phrase was "other people's baggage" It was written in response to how some people miscontrue the fundamental message of her monologue, or make uneducated judgments about Giselle, her personality and lifestyle--in addition to forming opinions about her husband. This oftentimes happens even before they attend her show and is based upon sound bites and posters.

I am often confronted by "other people's baggage" when I engage in dialogue with individuals about my husband's immigration problems. I never know exactly how people think about our story, unless they are completely forthright --and that seldom happens. I often get exclamations of empathy and "I can't believe this is happening in America." Oftentimes I feel people within my inner circle are sympathetic to a point--but only because Khalid is someone they know or have heard about--and because he is my husband. Otherwise, this sympathy does not extend to other immigrants with similar circumstances.

People come with "baggage". I come with "baggage." This is a fundamental truth about human behavior. Many things can contribute to the accumulation of baggage including history, media and personal experiences. We, as educators and activists, can never know what kind of baggage the people with whom we engage in dialogue are carrying. Some people are so burdened by their own baggage that they will never make the effort to understand our stories. Luckily, some will. These are the people who put down their baggage long enough to pick up somebody else's.

And there will be others who may not "get it now" but through maturity and additional knowledge may "get it later." Unfortunately, some people will "get it" only when they or a loved one experience the deportation of someone close to them. This is the time when people like Giselle and I need to put down our baggage; and pick up somebody else's.

http://thedeporteeswife.wordpress.com/

Immigrant rights activism

2010-06-26T13:33:00.003-04:00

As a result of connecting with other U.S. citizens whose significant other has been deported or detained, I have decided that I need to do something productive. There are far too many of us going through this tragedy. This needless suffering must come to an end! There are various ideas floating in my head, and I’m sure you have ideas too. We need to communicate with each other and brainstorm like crazy—and come up with ways to educate the public.

One idea I’ve been pondering involves borrowing an idea from our AIDS activist friends and creating a quilt that depicts the names of loved ones who have been deported or under deportation proceedings. This idea involves getting together a significant number of interested individuals willing to help create the quilt. Ideally, each person would agree to create a square of their loved one—or someone they know. Individuals who do not personally know anyone deported will still be welcome to participate. We can assign them a name. There is certainly not a shortage of people being deported and families being separated-- and the numbers increase every year.

Preferably, each quilt square would be created with materials that are durable. We want this quilt to be a testament to our determination to end these deportations—so it must be created to endure for decades. The idea is to send this quilt, upon completion, to various galleries and functions across the country to help raise awareness.

I have years of experience in needlework, sewing and designing so I am capable and willing to help coordinate the effort. If anyone else has similar experience, motivation or just passion please let me know. This group, unlike the contemporary functioning of our government-- will be a democratically organized community.
However, you don’t have to be an artist, designer or even be creative to make a quilt square. All that is needed is a willingness to learn and be spontaneous. I can help anyone who needs advice and can even design specific motifs. I’m sure there will be others willing to assist as well.

I do sincerely believe that art can change social consciousness. Art activists the world over are working diligently to help improve their communities. Right this minute there are thousands of activists, artists and performers who have congregated in Detroit to forge a different world. Change is not only possible, it is necessary.
Change begins with an idea—activists take those ideas and make them a reality. Let us be the immigrant rights activists who change the world for the better. If you are interested please contact me.

I can be reached on Facebook under the name Beth Brotherton, Hamilton College or at e-mail: silverwing6700@yahoo.com If you know of anyone else who may be interested please feel free to forward this message. Please, if you have any additional ideas let me know. I want to help forge a strong and unified community so we can help each other.

An American oubliette

2010-06-24T17:07:00.003-04:00

It’s interesting to note how many times I’ve written about racism in this blog. When I started this blog a year ago I never thought the concept of race would become such an integral part of my writings. But as the months went by and I started to do more research and took more classes—I realized that the constructions and definitions of race has contributed significantly to my husband’s difficult immigration predicament. I also became aware of how racism operates in contemporary culture and how it has been wiped from the consciousness of white America.

It is not surprising that I have been confronted by people who deny that race is a “big deal” in contemporary American society. I have been asked, point blank, if I truly believe that race has had any influence on my husband’s case; oftentimes with an incredulousness tone in their voice that defies me to contradict what they perceive as the “racelessness” of American culture.

I am always taken aback by this question. First off, I am vocal about racial, ethnic and religious discrimination and how those factors have influenced and shaped the rising xenophobia that has gripped this nation since the 9/11 attacks. As a result, I wouldn’t think it necessary to ask this question. I fervently believe that racism, unrestrained capitalism and the resulting rise of poverty, along with white nationalism have contributed to this moral panic that has spread across this country like a biblical plaque of locusts. But I soon realized this question has little to do with interrogating my convictions and everything about the questioner reinforcing their own viewpoints. These particular questions always come from white people—and normally from those who mistakenly believe that racism is a relic carefully contained in the oubliette of America’s distant past.

After explaining my opinion I am usually confronted with the following: How do you explain previous generations of immigrants including the Poles, Italians and Irish who faced extreme prejudice and discrimination? I explain it in the same way I explain my husband’s situation. Discrimination of immigrants, whether in the past or present, is shaped by distinctions made between those who are considered “desirable’ and those that are labeled “undesirable.” One of the most influential factors determining the merit of an immigrant group attempting to assimilate into American society has always been race.

These designations are based on arbitrary definitions that include evaluations on race, ethnicity and religion. While all three factors have been used historically in this “sifting”—and continue to be utilized, I would argue that contemporary evaluations have a tendency to highlight race and religion. This makes sense in the light of the recent war on terror (aka war on Islam) and the current wave of black and brown immigrants.

Even in the historical case of the Poles, the Irish and the Italians, race was a determining factor. The definition of “whiteness”, and who could claim such a designation has altered over the centuries; shifting alongside changing social landscapes to begrudgingly include some and exclude others. Back “in the day”, it was acceptable to discriminate against the Poles, the Irish and the Italians—not only because of the perceived ethnic difference, but because they were not considered to be white; and therefore were designated as sub-human.

I recently read an article that explained this phenomenon. ( the link can be found below.) Although it’s a decent article, and deals with some of the issues I have brought up in this blog post, I do not condone the author’s proclamation that “whites”—despite losing their majority status in 2050, will still retain their privilege. Basically, the author postulates that despite all the fear mongering about whites becoming a minority, the assimilation of light-skinned Hispanics into the fold of “whiteness” will ensure that “white power” continues unabated.

What???

Absolutely-- fear mongering should abate because one group of the world’s citizens should not hold dominion over another and the retention of white privilege should cease. However, to chide fear mongers for perpetuating the myth that white privilege will end in the near future—is just ethically and morally corrupt.

Don’t mind me...I’m just trying to climb out of America’s oubliette of racism and hypocrisy.

http://www.alternet.org/immigration/147235/why_fearmongering_about_a_white_minority_in_america_is_wrong,_wrong,_wrong/

Minority entitlement vs. white privledge

2010-06-14T13:42:00.004-04:00

Entitlement. I’ve been hearing that word quite a lot recently: the result of a variety of social factors including the failing economy, the moral panic over immigration, rising xenophobia and the novelty of the first African-American elected to the presidency. It’s curious because I’ve rarely heard that word used—presumably because in the past there was a certain amount of social compulsion to be politically correct—a desire apparently quenched by the antics of controversial personalities including Glen Beck, Pat Robinson and Sarah Palin. Political correctness is now passé.

What’s interesting, particularly to someone like me—a person who studies the social behavior of humans—is the way that word is being implemented. I am not convinced that the people who are utilizing the word “entitlement” really know what it means.

I hear this word uttered by the lips of white people who are accusing minorities of implementing entitlement in their day to day affairs. The unsettling part resides in the realization that this is an engagement in faulty logic and requires a perverse inversion of the actuality of power dynamics in contemporary American society. While this most often functions as a means to silence and reprimand minorities from claiming their rights as fully engaged and equal citizens (in much the same way the words “slut”, “bitch”, “whore” and “cunt” are used to reprimand and silence women who step outside patriarchal constructions of subservient femininity) it can easily be transferred to poor people and basically any group that appears outside the margins of dominant white/male society.

I’ll give you an idea of what precipitated this musing. I was perusing movie titles in a local video store. After a minority woman dropped off some past due DVD’s at the counter, I overheard a white employee exclaim: “why do minorities always return things late. They always feel entitled to keep things as long as they want.”

This proclamation in a public venue and in the midst of other patrons shocked me by the brazen nature of the outburst. But it’s not the only time I’ve heard similar sentiments expressed. You could substitute a myriad of scenarios for the late DVD’s including: a minority person muscling their way to the front of a line, illegitimately taking a handicapped parking space, or recklessly driving a cart through a crowded grocery store-- but if we look at each rationally we can surmise that these offenses are not exclusive to one particularly race or group of people. They are common breeches of etiquette and good manners that are committed by everyone at one time or another—simply because we are all human and therefore imperfect.

Bad manners and inconsiderate behavior, although impossible to accurately tally, can be understood as universal transgressions perpetrated by all races and groups of people. To characterize transgressions committed by minorities as examples of “entitlement”-- and to simultaneously ignore similar behavior committed by whites is illogical—and quite frankly, racist.

In my opinion, “entitlement”—and all the brutal, inhumane and violent actions that are implemented in its extreme forms are more commonly perpetrated by white elites against minorities. I’ll list a few examples:

• Indian Removal Act 1830
• Asian Exclusion Act of 1924
• Jim Crow laws
• Tuskegee Syphilis Experiment
• Dropping the atomic bombs on Japan during WWII
• Recent rise in white nationalism that influenced the recent Arizona laws SB170 and laws eliminating ethnic studies in Arizona schools
• Neo-liberal imperialistic policies
• Japanese internment during WWII
• Zoot suit Riots

I could go on, but you get my point. At the heart of this matter is a failure to enlist perspective. I do not think that returning DVD’s late is an example of minority entitlement. It may result in temporary annoyance and anger, but it does not drastically affect the quality of someone else’s life. However, white privilege has resulted in numerous atrocities that have not only affected the quality of life for many individuals —but has oftentimes taken away millions of people’s land, livelihoods, pride, identity, and even lives.

That’s what I have to say about entitlement.

The Baby quandry

2010-04-18T12:54:00.005-04:00

This blog post is arguably one of the most personal I have-- and probably ever will write. Before I started to write this blog I decided that I was going to depict as honestly and accurately the experiences of my husband and I. That would include, I surmised, even the most personal, fearful, humiliating, horrible aspects of this journey. This includes experiences and feelings most people keep hidden. If people are going to empathize or understand the unique experiences of being a deportee-- or the wife of a deportee, I knew I had to be completely forthright.

So, here it goes: Khalid wants a child. In the early days of our relationship; before the realities of our precarious predicament became clear to me, I wanted a child as well.

In fact, in March 2007 I found out I was pregnant. I was overjoyed and found myself, as most expectant mothers do, fantasizing about holding, playing and teaching the future newborn. I could-- in my mind’s eye; see, touch, smell and hear the child. This child was as real and alive to me as any living being in this temporal world. Despite some basic trepidation of financial concerns and my own insecurities about a lack of parenting skills, I was looking forward to having a child.

But things began to go wrong. My blood pressure began to spiral out of control and I kept getting sick. I have asthma, and the respiratory infections I kept getting took a toll on my already weakened lungs. I had to take antibiotics and other medications that I could only hope would not adversely affect the baby.

Then, in the middle of May I got deathly sick. I coughed continuously for two full weeks, had a temperature and could not eat nor could I get any rest during most of those nights. Khalid was concerned because he had never seen me so ill. I stayed in bed and only went to go see the doctor after Khalid forced me.

Finally, I started to get better. However, on May 26th I had a miscarriage. I was devastated. Nothing can prepare you for this kind of tragedy. Women don’t normally talk about these types of experiences and now I know why. It’s as if a small but integral part of your heart dies along with the baby. How can you speak of things so intimate, inherently fragile; eternally and exclusively linked to all our women ancestors: women who look upon our collective misfortunes in empathy and forgiveness?

Khalid, though devastated too, was there beside me to hold me up, even though I struggled to swim above the current in a frothy, torrential, and merciless ocean of despair.

When I finally emerged from my grief I was empowered in a way I can’t explain. I knew I wanted to be consumed by something, something that would give me meaning and identity. I decided to go back to college: specifically Hamilton College and prove that I could succeed at such a prestigious institute. I needed to prove my intelligence, tenaciousness and creativity. Education and self improvement have always been an important part of my life and I finally wanted to complete my studies.

So, I started to take course at Hamilton College in the Fall of 2008. I decided to major in Women’s Studies; a decision I have never regretted.

Taking Women’s Studies has forever altered my viewpoint of the world. I won’t go into specific intricacies—that would take too long, but in general I have learned not to take the world or the people in it at face value. More specifically I have learned not to internalize the pressures and expectations of a patriarchal, mediocre, moderate ideology. Rather than defining myself and my success based on what the dominate culture qualifies as normal-- I can decide for myself.

So, you ask: do you still want a baby?

Honestly, there is still a slight desire to have a child: someone I can pass my knowledge, skills and talents to. We’ve tried..but it isn’t happening. Despite this failure I’m not devastated. For various reasons, including financial, my feminist sensibilities, environmental and political concerns I am not as intent on having a child as I was. Certainly, if Khalid had a green card, a job that pays him what his experience and skills are worth, I was ten years younger and had my college degree then I would be more likely to consider becoming a parent.

The truth is, we are still in a precarious situation. If I were to get pregnant now-- I would be in a high risk category. That means I would need to go to the doctor’s frequently and there is a high chance of complications and birth defects. Additionally, we would have to go through a fertility clinic. Despite having insurance, this process would be very expensive. I am-- at this point, unwilling to put myself, our finances and my body through this ordeal.

My one regret, is denying Khalid the chance at being a father. He has been very gracious and supportive during this painful reflective period. I know he would make a wonderful, attentive and loving father: all those things that were denied to me.

Even though he has never pressured me into having a child and sincerely understands my reluctance and concerns there is a tinge of regret that if circumstances were different, we would easily and freely have a child. This is just another causality in the ongoing battle between us and the U.S. immigration system.

Another unnecessary deportation: Saad Nabeel

2010-04-15T22:01:00.003-04:00

Saad Nabeel is an American in every way. However, in November 2009, when he was taken into custody by U.S. immigration officials, he lacked the one thing that would have allowed him to stay in the only country he has ever known: an approved green card.

Ironically, Saad’s father had a green card approved when he and his family were arrested, detained and ultimately deported. Unfortunately, the green card was not expected to arrive until January 2010.

Please check out the links below to read Saad’s full story. There are links to videos, petitions and even a place where you can donate money to help ensure Saad and his family can return home to the United States.

If you feel, like I do: that these injustices must stop-- please help to further the cause of just and fair immigration reform. Immigrants are not disposable people, and many of them, like Saad and my husband, are American in every way. They just need a legal avenue to make it official; something that has so far been denied to them.

http://www.bringsaadhome.com/

Fight back with words: a performance

2010-04-14T13:03:00.003-04:00

Last night I had the privilege of performing onstage with 12 other strong, courageous and beautiful women. The experience is still reverberating within my psyche and I've been reliving the experience over and over within my mind's eye.

First off..it is a MIRACLE that I was able to get on stage in front of a hundred plus people and tell Khalid's and my story. I have always had a profound phobia of public speaking. My voice would always quake, hands would shiver, sweat poured from my forehead, there was an overwhelming adrenalin rush, and I would be in a cyclone of anxiety for days before I had to perform.

Since attending Hamilton the phobia has become more manageable. Hamilton not only promotes in depth, analytical writing but also expects students to channel those skills into effective public speaking. Without this opportunity, I would never had the ability to master my public speaking fears.

I was truly amazed, proud and awestruck by the diversity, talent and courageousness I witnessed on the stage last night. Some women talked about body image, others found a creative way to tell their stories through poetry or storytelling, another talked about identity issues stemming from having a mixed race background. Additionally, two brave women talked about being raped.

It bothers--no, that's too weak a word: pisses me off that even in this day and age, women-- whether they are black, rich, poor, white, Hispanic, Asian, Arab, young or old, immigrant or native--are still treated as if they are disposable. The act of getting up in front of an audience, sharing our stories--no matter how sad, hurtful, horrific, funny or outrageous is one way to shout to the world "we are not disposable! We are important, strong and necessary.

We need to continue to tell our stories in order to reclaim our rightful place as equals in a world dominated by a patriarchy that wants to silence our voices, deny our experiences and use us for their own agendas. The world; and everything in it that men love, could not exist without women! This is why we fight back with words....

"There's an old Chinese saying that says "women hold up half the sky." What would happen to all the men if we just decided one day--to drop it?

Reclaiming a latent talent

2010-03-22T13:10:00.000-04:00

I’ve always been known for being an expert sleeper. When I was a child I could literally sleep in any position, sitting up, on my head, scrunched up in a doll’s crib, and even upside down. I could fall asleep in the car, amongst a loud group of people and while listening to heavy metal music. Nothing-- I repeat nothing-- would get between me and a good night’s sleep. (or a good nap)

It hasn’t been until recently, that I’ve become aware of how my talent for sleeping has been compromised. Since about 2006, when I became aware of Khalid’s immigration situation, my penchant and talent for sleep has gone awry. It’s not that I have shunned practicing. On the contrary, I was horribly distraught and tired most of the time. As a result I coveted the peace that sleep time brings.

But apparently, when the chores of the day were completed, and my head hit the pillow, I was unable to quiet my mind. I incessantly obsessed over the dark tidings the future had in store for us. It seemed it was fated that my husband and I would be separated and every night was spent wondering whether this would be the last night we would spend together.

I have spent four years worth of unrelenting and merciless nights-- tossing and turning, pondering, anticipating and surmising the worst. I have caught only the briefest glimpses of the ever-flickering fragments of my nightmares because I would awake intermittingly throughout the night.

I was exhausted, annoyed, anxious and angry most of the time. The worst part of all is—I didn’t know it. I thought--despite the circumstances—that I was doing fine.

I didn’t know any different until the last visit we made to Homeland Security and the Deportation Officer admitted they could not obtain the travel documents to India. That night I slept like the dead. There was no tossing, no turning and no waking up during the night.

In fact, every night since that day I have known nothing but peace during the night. Besides having my husband by my side, peace is the most valuable element in my life.

Oh--and also the satisfaction of reclaiming a latent talent...

Another trip to Albany

2010-03-04T21:09:00.001-05:00

This past Monday we travelled once again to Albany New York and paid a visit to the office of Homeland Security. After being kept waiting for hours during some of our previous visits we decided that we weren't ever going to give them the opportunity to detain us for an entire day--so we now arrive around 2:00-3:00 PM. That gives Homeland Security only 1-2 hours of our time to waste before the office closes at 4 in the afternoon.

We were not left waiting very long on this particular visit. After only about 10 minutes Khalid's deportation officer came out. Curiously, she came right out and sat opposite us in the waiting room. She usually meets us in the waiting room, however, it was curious that she sat down. Normally she stands up when she speaks to us.

She seemed very relaxed and spoke in a casual manner. She told us that there were no new developments. They haven't procured the travel documents and it was unlikely that they would. She even added that the Indian consulate won't even return her phone calls. I thought it very curious that she divulged that bit of information.

She asked about Khalid's work permit and he mentioned that he had received it. Then she turned to me and started asking me about my work. I wasn't inclined to maintain a long conversation--why? Well..because conversing with a deportation officer is akin to speaking to a police officer while you are under arrest: "anything you say can and will be held against you..." It's best to keep answers short and sweet.

Another curious thing occurred at the end of the meeting. She told us that if it was necessary, to come back in six months. Then she warmly shook my husband's hand and then my hand and said take care.

We were both shocked because she had never shook our hands before but had always maintained a professional, assertive and detached demeanor. My husband and i spent a substantial portion of the drive back to Utica contemplating these strange happenings. We both agreed it felt as if she was saying goodbye--but why?

Was she planning on leaving Homeland Security? It is no secret that employees who work for Homeland Security have low job satisfaction.

Are they going to be transferring Khalid to a Syracuse office? She has mentioned that its a possibility that a DHS/ICE office may be opening up in Syracuse.

Or does she have an inclination that the waiver may be approved? She did mention that the excludability waiver has the best chance of being approved.

We will just have to wait to find out. In the meantime Khalid and I will look forward to the upcoming Summer season without having to fear separation. That is a blessing beyond measure!

Voraciousness and Farmville

2010-02-27T16:39:00.002-05:00

Voracious. I’ve been thinking about that word lately. It’s a good word—-has more than two syllables, starts with a “v” so it’s a rare word. It rolls off the tongue smoothly but it has an angry sound to it. Have you ever noticed that there’s something surprisingly angry about the word voracious?

I am a voracious person. I can admit that. I’m angry and voracious at the same time. This is not a good combination. I think most Americans are voracious. It is hotwired into us by a fast-paced, consumerist culture that rewards impulsivity, competition and callousness. We want everything. In reality, we can’t have everything and that makes us angry. Some of us-- based on sexuality, class and race-- can get more “stuff” than others. This is how the American system works—-indeed, how the capitalistic system works in general. Power structures serve as gatekeepers in order to ensure that consumer goods are distributed to those who supposedly “deserve” them and deny them to those who don’t.

As Americans, we are expected to want everything. In fact, our American society is so vehement about the virtue of consumerism that we are able; via cultural conditioning, into thinking that our wants are actually needs. We need that new car, the fancy washing machine the seventh pair of red shoes. This mindset is dangerous and has caused untold suffering to ourselves and the rest of the world.

Ironically, I’ve been reminded of my own voraciousness in an unexpected way. You see, I’ve become addicted to the Facebook application “Farmville”. No, I’m not kidding. Although one would think that playing a game about farming would be benign—I assure you it is one of the most dangerous games out there. Sad, but true.

Why? Well, the whole purpose of Farmville is to grow and harvest crops and then sell them for “Farmcash” so you can go to market and buy “stuff.” There are no limits to the animals, trees, buildings, decorations and even natural formations you can buy. Recently, I purchased an Old Faithful geyser in the Farmville shop and it’s been one of my favorite items. It erupts anytime I double click it. I am: at any time, only one mouse-click away from simultaneously satisfying my consumerist and power weilding God-like cravings. Nothing is better than that. While you can buy some items with “Farmcash”, other more coveted items can only be bought with real cash. In line with capitalism’s tendency towards novelty, new items are added regularly; based on various holiday’s , sports events, and regional themes. For instance, farmers have been able to buy torches, award stands and a ski jump throughout the duration of the Olympics and during Mardi Gras we could buy French Quarter buildings, masquerade masks and a carnival tree.

You’ve got to hand it to the enterprising spirit in this country; selling virtual items to gullible people. Who woulda thunk it?

Mind you, this is Farmville; a farm village—what possible purpose would a farmer need for an Olympic torch, a ski jump or a panda? It’s quite ridiculous. But, it mirrors the decadence and excessiveness of our current age.

This has given me pause and the motivation to take stock of my own consumerist tendencies. Realistically speaking, I don’t have a lot of disposable income; however, I do not manage what I have in a moderate manner. I spend countless dollars on crafts, clothes, DVD’s, books and music that I do not need nor will I ever utilize in a lifetime.

So, I have decided that I need to curtail my consumerist excesses and in addition I want to involve myself in the slow food movement. Certainly, industrial farming is harmful to the environment, people’s health and contributes to the degradation inherent in rampant consumerism. It will be an ongoing process but one necessary if I want to have a positive effect on my inner peace and my community at large.

However, I can’t give up Farmville—at least not yet: I haven’t yet acquired the million dollar villa!

All is fair in love and capitalism: The Barbaric Heart

2010-01-23T21:45:00.001-05:00

Recently, The Supreme Court ruled in favor of big business when they lifted the ban on political spending by corporations in candidate elections. The ban on spending was put in place to keep a certain amount of checks and balances in place between corporate power and citizen interests. Now, thanks to this ruling, political candidates can be bought and paid for by special corporate interests without the threat of monetary limitations or competition from an impotent public. Soon we will be seeing politicians wearing flashy jumpsuits with the blazing logos of Microsoft, Bristol-Myers Squibb and Wal-mart. For a detailed explanation of the decision and its implications please click on the link below.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/22/us/politics/22scotus.html

Curtis White is an author as well as a professor of English at Illinois State University. In his most recent book he implicates the rise of The Barbaric heart as facilitating America’s unprecedented allegiance to The Market God (i. e. capitalism)—at the expense of all other virtues. The Barbaric Heart is an ancient entity that is concerned exclusively with the satiety of the Ego. It knows no other beauty than the accumulation of things—wealth—and it will do so with lustful vigor by any means necessary: including violence. The Barbaric Heart does not recognize the inherent beauty and virtue in a pristine sparkling river, or the resplendent melody of a symphony or a majestic mountain.

These are all—to those ensnared within The Barbaric Heart, only valuable as commodities. Who cares if a mountain is home to people and animals? Who cares if the mountain is lovely to look at and has served as the muse for countless writers and artists? The Barbaric Heart stands unwavering in its quest for profit and remains unmoved by the beauty in just being. There is coal within those mountains and it will stop at nothing to get to it; even if that means destroying the mountain and everything that depends upon it. Never mind that blowing off the mountaintop will result in displacing thousands of native people, poisoning the land and water and destroying an important eco-system. All is fair in love and capitalism. Briefly-- The Barbaric Heart may contemplate the ramifications. No doubt there will be a few unfortunate side effects along the way; people and animals may die, a whole generation will lose its identity, the beauty of natural vistas will be marred and forever altered—but what really matters is that “progress” is allowed to march forward unhindered.

In this case, “progress” is used as a euphemism for greed and oftentimes veils the violence necessary for it’s implementation. When the capitalist: a contemporary incarnation of The Barbaric Heart, implements the term “progress” it is actually referring to the progression of it’s own wealth. It cares little for the progression of equality, fairness and the what is good for the public welfare. Double-speak is a favorite tool of those ensnared by The Barbaric Heart. Words seemingly familiar and determinate such as freedom, democracy and liberty are restructured into terms that simultaneously mask and codify the greed, consumption and insatiability of The Barbaric Heart.

The Barbaric Heart has found a home within every known historical period. Although it has traded in animal pelts, clubs and spears for Armani suits, briefcases and Blackberries; the ferocity of it’s grim mission remains unadulterated and is just as potent and dangerous as in years past. What is different is the scope of The Barbaric Hearts influence. Via globalization, technology and population mobility The Barbaric Heart has laid siege to the entire Earth: like the frenzied rampage of a blood thirsty, foaming-at-the mouth and irrational monster: a monster that is rendered worse than any imagined in a child’s fairytale—if for any other reason than it is real.

This ruling by the Supreme Court has basically unfettered this dreadful beast from the few sinewy ropes that held it in check. What can we expect for the future? For starters-- the idea of a government of the people, by the people and for the people will indeed perish from America. Corporations will be wedded to the American military so the chances of widespread multiple wars across the planet increase as capitalists seek more nations to plunder for oil and raw materials. Civil liberties, already dealt a blow by the Patriot act, will further erode. The poor will be further marginalized and rendered disposable because they cannot contribute to the capitalistic machine. Debtors’ prisons will likely resurface and the poor along with other dispossessed groups will become the latest victims of the industrial prison complex. (Actually—this has already happened.)

Is this our fate as a nation? Some people envision this as a likely scenario. Writers like Robert Bly and Curtis White don’t think this has to be our fate. Our salvation, they argue, resides in the intangible realms of the human imagination. It is upon the sweat of the artist’s brow that our civilization will redeem itself. Is this far-fetched? I don’t think so. Creative visionaries have always inspired people to higher aspirations. Even now I can see the beginnings of an awakening in the public consciousness. There have been revolutionary movies made recently, including Avatar, The Visitor and District 9; that have cloaked contemporary moral problems within the guise of entertainment. Writers, musicians and artists the world over are banning together to facilitate change. The world may not be saved by the grace of a lofty messiah or the fierceness of a military force but rather-- by the humility of regular individuals wielding nothing but a paintbrush.

Citizens versus consumers: the rise of apathy

2010-01-09T21:02:00.006-05:00

I've recently joined a local reading group. Currently we are reading Robert Bly's Sibling Society. In a nutshell, Bly argues that the destabilization of the nuclear family, particularly the absence of a stable father figure, has created a society of "half baked adults"; frozen in adolescence and unwilling to grow up. This can be seen in the recent trends of hyper-capitalism, declining wages, corporate irresponsibility, environmental degradation, and a reckless adherence to literalism and fundamentalism.

Although there are some problematic assertions in this book--namely Bly's unrealistic faith in traditional patriarchal values and his idealistic belief that poetic and mythological masturbation can save humanity from itself--there are some compelling points.

I've been particularly intrigued by his explanation of the propensity of contemporary adults to embrace selfishness and apathy. Bly explains this situation in the following paragraph taken from the book Sibling Society:

"In the suburbs and small towns, parents are subtly modeling for their children non combative speech--which the CNN anchors have already modeled for them. Many college teachers tell me stories of the strange silence in their classes; and the silence has an economic orgin. They are in college in order to get a job. The literature of social protest--Dreiser, Steinbeck--produces no resonating passions for justice. Many columnists recently have detailed the rapid decline in citizen participation, in fraternal orders, church sodalities, parent-teacher associations, and so on. The heat for public welfare is cooling."

According to Bly, this lamentable situation is the direct result of the sibling society creating adults who lack impulse-control and who indulge in unrestrained ego-gratification. Empathy cannot flourish in the hearts of individuals who are obsessed with acquiring material possessions while simultaneously alienating themselves by acquiring the newest technological gadgets.

Focusing on material possessions, gaining wealth and shirking public responsibility creates a nation of consumers rather than citizens. Whereby citizens see themselves as part of a community and feel some responsibility for the public welfare,conversely--consumers are predominately concerned with the self. Social justice concerns, empathy, creativity, ingenuity, poetry are all spurned in favor of the superficiality of the consumerist society.

I see this infiltration of selfishness and apathy in the college classes I take. When there is mention of social justice issues, immigrant or gay rights, race issues or whenever American exceptionalism is questioned there is often an unsettling silence that ensues. It feels as if there is an invisible authority in the room shushing any dissention from popular ideology.

I am also aware of this epidemic of apathy occasionally when I am engaged in the subject of immigration. Some people will merely shrug their shoulders and say "discrimination has always existed and there is no way to get rid of it." This illustrates apathy at its most dangerous. Imagine if women suffragists had succumbed to apathy--women would have never gained the right to vote. What if Paul Rusesabagina had turned his back on the thousands of Tutsi refugees in Rwanda who were facing extermination? Suppose the Allies during World War II had never battled against the Nazi tyranny because--well they just didn't care what happened to innocent people in the throes of unimaginable horror?

Yes, discrimination, in one form or another has always existed and probably always will. However, when we engage in apathy, we are allowing the basest and most destructive elements of human nature to reign supreme and unrestrained. By becoming engaged and active citizens, rather than passive consumers, we can encourage the structures of society to promote and encourage more positive and constructive behaviors rather than encouraging the destructive ones.

The Present...

2010-01-04T07:48:00.000-05:00

Obviously, with my recent postings, it is clear I have not been writing about immigration recently. For the last few months I have been reluctant to delve into immigration politics simply because I have decided that it does not define the entire essence of my identity. Other issues and activities are important to me and since the title of this blog is "Diary of an immigrants wife" it is acceptable--even natural--that I should write about other events taking place in my life. I will never abadon my goals for immigration reform, but I may be more successful in my efforts if I alter my focus slightly.

I will explain this shortly. However, I imagine some readers are curious to know where my husband's immigration status stands. We did receive a rejection of his adjustment of status petition. Although this sounds disastorous, there is still some hope for a positive outcome.

It is not surprising that his adjustment of status petition was denied. Based on the 2nd circuit court judgement there was no other choice. We both knew this--but it was still a shock to receive the denial notice. We reserved a small amount of faith that some miracle would happen and it would be approved. So much for magical thinking. However, since it was denied, that means that the waivers--both the hardship and excludibility waivers can now be evaluated. This process was begun in Novemeber, and can take another 6 months to complete. So far, there has been no determination.

We went to a Homeland Security appointment in October and were told no new developments had been forthcoming. Status quo--again. They did not want to see us for six months! Which likely indicates that India has refused to issue the travel documents--either because Khalid is Muslim or because he has been away from India for too many years. There is only one other, remote possibility: that they are waiting for the completion of the adjustment of status petition and its rejection to deport him. This is a remote possibility because travel documents are only good for a certain amount of time and if the U.S. government had the travel documents in hand they would not hesitate in deporting my husband! So, we basically have one more anxiety-ridden trip to Homeland Security and then if it's status quo again--we are out of the woods. If they don't procure the travel documents by March--it is unlikely that they ever will.

It has come to my attention that my spiritual beleifs have a lot to do with my passion for immigration reform. Maybe it is time to investigate my spirituality and join a local group. Within this group I can hone my teaching skills and perhaps do some good.

Samhain and the Celtic New Year (November 1st)

2009-11-01T17:05:00.002-05:00

Samhain is an ancient Celtic holiday and is the inspiration behind our modern Halloween. I have always loved Halloween and revelled in it's tendency towards irreverence, mischief-making and frolic. When I was a kid, Halloween was a time to delight in my innate youthful exuberance and dress up, dance in the streets and simply enjoy being alive.

But it wasn't until I started to research the historical roots of Halloween that I gained an appreciation for my ancestor's ancient wisdom and the awesome power of ritual. Unlike our modern and superficial Halloween, Samhain was a solemn holiday to the Celts who participated in rituals designed to facilitate introspection and self-evaluation. It was also a time to honor our ancestors and much time and effort went into erecting altars and elaborate feasts in homage and celebration of our forebears and departed relatives.

Unfortunately, ritual and ceremony is something I feel is absent from most Americans lives. We are normally too busy with other priorities-- too distracted and self-absorbed to evaluate ourselves and take stock of our lives. Samhain is the perfect time to reflect on the positive and negative attributes that make us who we are. In the Celtic ideology, if we make an honest assessment of ourselves at the end of every year we can strive to be better people in the New Year.

Anyway, I took some time out last night to reflect on the past year. The weather was appropriately gusty and rainy as I lite a candle and reflected on my ancestors and those who had passed on recently. I thought about the past year and reflected on the good and bad things that have happened. I tried to make an honest assessment of my behavior and determined that in the coming year I need to foster unselfishness, patience and responsibility. Perhaps, more importantly, I need to feel gratitude for the simple things in life: having my husband by my side, good friends and ample opportunity to grow as an artist, writer and as an individual

Happy Celtic New Year to everyone!

Annoying assumptions

2009-10-13T09:40:00.002-04:00

There are a few things that annoy me. Men who whistle annoy me. I don't know why, but they do. Luckily, Khalid has never whistled. Sluggish computers annoy me. I hate waiting for computer screens to change. That's why new computer gadgetry really doesn't impress me. I will never be impressed by the achievements of computer engineers until they actually create a machine that is able to anticipate my needs before I am even aware of them. If that happens, I will be impressed! I won't be able to afford the technology--but I'll be impressed! Yeah, I know..I'm a tough and impatient customer.

However, what really annoys me is when people who are casually acquainted with me and know that I am married to an immigrant, automatically assume various things about my husband. These assumptions include the following:

he is not educated

he speaks with an accent and/or does not speak English very well

he doesn't pay taxes

he's used public services and assistance

he is unskilled

he is short

All of these statements illustrate a profound misunderstanding of the diversity of the immigrant population in the United States. Many immigrants come from countries that structure their educational systems like English and American institutions. These schools teach English, science, math and technology and hold their students to a high standard: sometimes even higher than American ideals. Additionally, many immigrants are educated and hold prestigious degrees from either Western institutions or schools in their own country.

Why is this the case? Western imperialism has shaped the structuring of various country's economy and political functioning. In order to compete, many nations have decided to embrace the Western educational system. Other nations have not had the luxury of a choice but have been forced to homogenize their educational institutions into replicating the Western counterpart.

In Kuwait, where my husband spent his youth, the British had already established Western schools. All children were required to take English classes and to master the language. Khalid learned to read and write in English as well as Arabic. The education that he received in Kuwait was of such a high quality that he can read and write English better than a substantial portion of Americans.

My husband is well educated and has sought after skills. He has studied electrical engineering and his knowledge is valued by his employer. He is the only technician at his job that is vested with repairing the most complicated electronic units. He is most definitely skilled.

My husband does not have an accent. He has been in this country for over twenty years and he has consciously strived to lose any vestige of an accent. This is a useful and advantageous undertaking because he is able to assimilate into American culture and avoid many of the assumptions that effect immigrants in a negative way: many assumptions similar to the ones I am discussing right now.

As far as the following three assumptions go: he doesn't pay taxes, has utilized public services and is short--they are too insulting to even answer....I only wag my finger at them and say: "shame on you...."

The long hiatus

2009-10-11T17:50:00.004-04:00

I’m back to blogging after a long hiatus. Although there isn’t a sufficient explanation for my negligence in updating my blog there are a few reasons for my absence. Some of these reasons include frustration, family issues, unrealistic expectations, and a little known malady I’ve dubbed “immigration burn out syndrome”. Some of these reasons are more relevant than others.

One reason I haven’t updated for awhile is because I feel frustration because no discernible changes have resulted from my blog. Unrealistic as my feeling is, I thought that if my blog went public it would incite people to ban together and fight injustice. It is disheartening to feel that people are complacent about something I am so passionate about. The old feminist adage “the personal is political is” is most definitely applicable in this case. Many people express dismay and empathy…but when it comes down to committing time and effort their passion wanes. It falters, not because they are insensitive and callous--but because it is not personal to them.

After a significant amount of soul-searching I realize I am expecting too much too soon. Changes rarely happen instantaneously: but instead-- occur in fits and starts over a long period of time. I want to make a difference in how people view the immigration issue and I want tangible evidence that I’m making progress in that direction. This is basically my ego issue. Like many Americans, I crave instant gratification in order to satiate a demanding ego. I have to accept the truth: life does not often reward humans with instant gratification nor is it particularly concerned with satiating our egos.

In all honesty--my commitment to various other social issues wanes also when time and energy is required. If money is needed, such as transportation to social justice events, I oftentimes cannot go. Even if I can go based on finances I can’t attend because of personal and educational commitments. We are so busy with our regular lives that there is little time for anything else. Activism is relegated to the bottom of life’s “to do list”. Oftentimes, even if we have the time, money and desire, we just don't know what to do to make the necessary changes.

At least if I didn’t get a group of activists together I was hoping I could get our story told by the media. Maybe it wouldn’t air on the local or national news but I thought that the independent news sources-- particularly those on the internet; like NPR, Breakthrough, Huffington Post or Alternet, might take on the story. I was wrong. No one wants to touch it.

I’ve spent many restless nights wondering why. At first I thought that Khalid’s conviction of reckless endangerment had something to do with it. Despite trying to save his own life, the “crime” rendered him an unsympathetic protagonist in the eyes of journalists. With the recent advent of stories surfacing of immigrants’ facing deportation who had committed even more serious offenses—I began to suspect that it wasn’t the conviction alone that was keeping Khalid’s story out of the media. There was something more.

I won’t deny the fact that I have felt there is some sort of “conspiracy” around Khalid’s case. The idea that someone was keeping his story out of the public consciousness was a plausible and scintillating explanation. There is a wealth of information that suggests there was-- and probably still is, a substantial amount of corruption in immigration law--both involving unqualified and racist judges and unscrupulous lawyers. How much the government is involved remains unclear, but manipulation behind the scenes is always a distinct possibility.

Everyone I have subsequently spoken to, who is in a similar immigration fix, has expressed at least one unpleasant experience with an unethical lawyer or an unconscionable judge. Additionally, there are examples of lawyers who are not educated in immigration law who are providing services to immigrants. Khalid and I had a disastrous experience with one such local lawyer. Despite the suppression of such experiences in the dominant media outlets I am comforted by my belief that in the future, information will surface that confirms my suspicion.

I still believe it is possible that there exists some conspiracy tendencies in Khalid’s case but now I’m convinced-after speaking with some journalists and reporters-- that Khalid’s case is far too complicated and “unbelievable” for most people to wrap their head around. Trying to form a rational analysis about Khalid’s case is not easy. There are so many twists and turns that it’s nearly impossible to make any sense of it all. I would not be surprised to hear that some people feel his story is unbelievable. There were times, early in our relationship, when I myself was skeptical. But, every time I have researched and followed up on Khalid’s story everything has always added up.

One of Khalid’s most common sayings when asked about his situation is: “It’s my case, I’ve lived it and even I can’t make sense out of it.” Truth is indeed stranger than fiction. Even I, with my vivid imagination, couldn’t have come up with a stranger story.

Reporters’ and journalists don’t want to touch Khalid’s case because it is so complicated and defies conventions of most other deportation cases. According to the law, most deportations are very cut and dried. An immigrant did this and this so we can use laws number 200188b and 309187c in order to justify deporting him or her. There is no framework to place Khalid’s situation because it is a 1 in 300 million case. It is unique. Basically, the judges have had to make it up as they go along. Flying by the seat of their pants wasn’t a major issue initially because Khalid had no ties to anyone in this country and was completely vulnerable to their whims.

That all changed when Khalid and I got married. All of a sudden they had to find a rationale to deport him. They designed a tenable legal labyrinthine in order to deport him that resulted in the most mundane of reasons for deportation: overstay. Overstay is generally overcome by being married to an American citizen. They had to create a complicated and convoluted explanation for something so simple. For those who are listening— that should speak volumes.

A Biometrics appointment

2009-08-29T08:58:00.006-04:00

We did it! We got through the biometrics appointment! It was really quite simple, painless and fast! The worst part is getting up so early in the morning. It is one hours drive to Syracuse, New York so we had to be up at 6AM at the latest!

Well... we actually got up at 6:20PM. Basically, it was every man...and woman for himself as we zipped around the apartment getting ready.

Thank goodness for GPS! We found our way to the federal building on Warren street and amazingly, got there on time.

Of course, the building was closed when we got there yet there were people waiting in line. At least the doors did not have bolts on them. It's amazing how the absence of one little detail can make you feel at ease!

I would have posted a picture of the building but it is "forbidden" (i.e. illegal) to take any pictures of the outside or inside of any Homeland Security office. Interesting....

Bioimetrics is such a curious term. Khalid joked that they probably were going to inject him with a little microchip underneath his skin with GPS and surveillance capabilities. One wonders how long it will be before the government actually implements this. Apparently, "they have the technology." (insert cheesy Bionic Man music here.)

Actually, the appointment consisted of having his fingerprints taken, a photograph and his signature validated. His fingerprints will be scanned into a police database. They will compare his fingerprints to any found during unsolved investigations. This has already been done twice before, once when he was convicted of reckless endangerment in 1993-1994, and when he was detained in 2003.

While this was going on I was watching the various people come and go. There were at least three couples, all consisting of an American citizen and an immigrant. One couple was having an extremely hard time because the immigrant didn't have his birth certificate. Apparently, while coming over the border, an immigration official had confiscated it for some unknown reason. Now, the adjustment of status was put on hold waiting for a duplicate copy of the birth certificate and the official translation. There was no telling how long the duplicates would take! The couple was visibly and understandably frustrated and disheartened.

Immigration has most undoubtedly become a nightmare for all of us!

Writing from the heart

2009-08-24T11:09:00.001-04:00

Recently, some friends have commented on my blog and wondered how I can write about such intimate feelings and situations. I have to be honest and confess I haven't really thought about this. Although I am aclimated to censoring my verbal output-- like most people-- I am not inclined nor comfortable in censoring my feelings, viewpoints or life story within the blogsphere.

Khalid's bizarre, unreasonable and unbelievable situation with the U.S. immigration system has given me the courage to speak out honestly and vehemently against what is clearly a racist, discrimnatory and elitist beauracracy that elevates irationality to a high art form.` There is no other way to characterize it. This beuracracy has historical ties to white nationalism, xenophobia and nativism.

I am certainly not the first person to identify the current wave of immigrant bashing and the subsequent restrictive and harsh immgration laws as being racist and framed and subsequently implemented by white nationalists. Authors such as Michael Welch, Deepa Fenandes and many others have made similar conclusions. Nor am I the first to label the resulting government institutions that manage immigration and national security as being racist. The logic follows that if the laws that are being implemented are born of white nationalism, xenophobia and racism, then any institution that enforces those laws will be similarly tainted. It's really not rocket science.

What is particularly troubling about contemporary America is how easily racist agendas can be easily summersed under benign rationals that render them platable for the general population. Twelve years ago it would have been unimaginable that the public would sanction detaining black and brown individuals at airports for scrutiny under the guise of national security. Eleven years ago it would have been a scandel if immigrants and their young children were thrown indefinately into prisons without due process. Ten years ago it would have been considered offensive if people were being pulled over by police officers in cars randomly, for no other reason than to ask for documentation. What other concessions are people willing to conceed?

We are at a turning point in our country. I feel it in the air as surely as I feel the ground underneath my feet. Are we going to give in to our basest natures and let brutality, discrimination and facism reign or are we going to resurrect our ideals of freedom, equality and tolerance for all? It is for this reason-- this urgency-- that I cannot sugar coat what I see as a significant detour from the noble aspirations we once held as a nation. We have never been a perfect nation, and will never be. But the foundations of our country, those ideals and values that used to define us as a people and a nation have been foresaken. For this reason I will continue to write from the heart.

Acknowledging prejudice

2009-08-23T08:11:00.002-04:00

I recently had a discussion with a friend about acknowledging the fact that all of us have certain prejudices. Just a few hours later I saw a similar posting on a blog that I regularly follow. It's funny how often synchronicity occurs during my life! As I've gotten older, I like to think I've gotten wiser and have learned to make a mental note of these curious occurrences.

Incidentally, I remember a lecture given by a professor years ago. I don't remember what class it was , but it was likely a philosophy or sociology class. The subject was about uncovering your internal prejudices. The professor explained that we all have prejudices--against certain people, races, ethnicity's or even people with certain religions affiliations. No one is immune. It takes a substantial amount of soul searching and honest assessment for a person to unveil their internal prejudices simply because they are covered over by cultural conditioning that we rarely question.

I'll give a personal example--I never knew that I had a bias against Muslim men. I didn't know that I had this prejudice until I met Khalid. My ideas about Muslim men were shaped by American culture and particularly the Western media which normally portrays Muslim men as being controlling, uncivilized, irrational and prone to violence. One such movie that incorporated all of these misconceptions is entitled Not Without my Daughter starring Sally Fields. The following synopsis is taken from the following website:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102555/plotsummary

"Moody" is an Iranian doctor living in America with his American wife Betty and their child Mahtob. Wanting to see his homeland again, he convinces his wife to take a short holiday there with him and Mahtob. Betty is reluctant, as Iran is not a pleasant place, especially if you are American and female. Upon arrival in Iran, it appears that her worst fears are realized: Moody declares that they will be living there from now on. Betty is determined to escape from Iran, but taking her daughter with her presents a larger problem. "

As can be imagined, Moody, the Muslim man portrayed in the story is the worst example of masculinity. He completely dominates his American wife, beats her, forbides her to go anywhere without him and ultimately locks her in the apartment. I remember being horrified that a man could treat his wife in such a way.

This movie had a profound influence on me and how I view Muslim men. I didn't realize this until I met Khalid and he told me he was Muslim. Instantly, that movie began to play in my head, along with numerous other stereotypes we as Americans are indoctrinated in. I hesitated in fear for a moment, wondering if it was wise for me to get involved with this man.

Luckily, I rose above my prejudice and got to know Khalid. What I found was a man who shattered all my previous conceptions about Muslims. Khalid is thoughtful, easy going, open-minded, kind, patient, peaceful and certainly non-violent. My personal experience in getting to know and love Khalid has allowed me to rise above my previously held bias against Muslim men. My life has been made all the richer because of it.

In conclusion, my wish for everyone who reads this blog is to get to know someone who shatters your prejudice. Whatever bias you hold, I sincerely hope that you allow someone into your life that challenges that stereotype. The truth is, no one should be limited by stereotypes and cultural conditioning. We are so much more than the labels placed upon us. We can learn and grow so much more by letting people into our lives, rather than barricaded them outside.

Curiosity confused the cat

2009-08-22T16:08:00.007-04:00

Ruby, the curious kitty-- on my chair

In May of this year, Khalid and I adopted a cat from a local humane society. When I looked around at the various animals at this humane society a particular cat singled me out for her attention and I found her enthusiasm and insistent purr to be impossible to resist--so I brought her home. The employees named her Ruby, and we kept the name because it suited her.

Ruby is a sleek black and white kitty who possesses an abnormally long tail with a tiny dollop of white on the end. She looks like she has a pencil flashlight attached to her and she perpetually swishes it around like adoring fans languidly waving their lighters during a rock concert. Additionally, Ruby is vocal--to put it mildly. If she wants food or attention she is not shy about proclaiming it for the entire apartment complex to hear. She obviously enjoys the sound of her own voice and constantly indulges in satisfying the craving. The only time Ruby is silent, is when she is napping.

In this way, having Ruby in the house is akin to having a 2 year old human running around. The only discernible difference being that I could-- theoretically-- control the frequency and duration of a toddler's nap time: I have no such power over a cat. I can't tell Ruby to take a nap, or close her eyes or stop throwing the toy mouse in the air...well I could, but Ruby would likely blink her green eyes in annoyance and ignore me.

Ruby is also very curious...and this highly developed trait has gotten her into some serious trouble. For instance, one time she noticed a large paper bag on the floor. She went to investigate and decided she liked it. She got inside and pawed around: she batted her favorite toy mouse into it a few times, but suddenly she made a kamikaze dive onto it.The resulting loud crinkling sound frightened her. In a panic she turned around to flee but the handles on the bag got wrapped around her neck. She ran furiously around the apartment, all the while with the large paper bag following her and making dreadful crinkling noises.

By the time she ran upstairs the bag was in tatters and Ruby was panting and lounging on the landing with eyes as big as dinner plates. Luckily, she was jittery but unharmed. Since that day, she has looked at any kind of bag with disdain.

Ruby and I share something in common: an acute and terminal curiosity. I've been told by many people this is one of my most conspicuous traits. Although I have never crawled into a bag, panicked and run like a dervish around the apartment --I have done similar impulsive things as a result of my enthusiastic curiosity. Curiosity, like any trait, is a double-edged sword. It can lead to many wonderful discoveries and enrich people's lives, but it can also lead to precarious situations and confusion.

I have always wanted to know how things worked. Well,-- not really "things"-- but people, society and culture. I want to know why some people are "popular" and some people are "maligned" and how culture and society shapes those things. I want to know how morality and customs change --or stay the same between cultures. I want to know why racism, sexism and classism exists and more importantly-- what can be done to alleviate them. (Notice I said "alleviate" not eliminate. We can certainly alleviate these things but I don't believe its possible to eliminate them all together: although eliminating should be the ultimate goal.)

Simultaneously, I've also wanted to know how to make things: draw, paint and master various crafts including embroidery, stamping, and quilling . These two pulls, one between how to "do" certain things, and how to "figure things out" have always duelled within my psyche. In my college career I've vacillated, between majoring in humanities and arts. I want to be an artist and yet at the same time I have a desire to be an academic as well. Previously, I have mislead myself into into believing that I had to choose between the two.

Although curiosity hasn't always killed the cat, it can certainly confuse her.

Alien Nation

2009-08-16T22:08:00.001-04:00

This blog post is about a horrific book entitled Alien Nation by a conservative journalist named Peter Brimelow. It was a bestseller when it was published in the year 1995. It is no coincidence that the harsh and discriminatory immigration laws that were passed in 1996 and 1997 were implemented after the publishing of this book. There are a few other wealthy white men who propagated xenophobia at this time, and I will discuss their contributions in a future blog post. However, I argue that Peter Brimelow was the most influential white nationalist at this time because he found a venue to present his message of hate to a substantial portion of the general population.

Studies have shown that xenophobia and racism increase during hard economic times. More competition for fewer jobs creates an atmosphere where it becomes acceptable to marginalize a larger percentage of the population based on race, sex, class and creed. Being the opportunist that he was, Peter Brimlow exploited the recession that hit in the mid 90's and preached an ideology of white supremacy and nativism to a public plagued by strife and uncertainty-- and thereby susceptible to hate and fear mongering.

Interestingly, Peter Brimelow was an immigrant from England; a white immigrant to be specific. Apparently, he did not object to an influx of white/European immigrants However, he could not abide an onslaught of--what he termed-- "unassimiable" black and brown immigrants into this country. Such an onslaught, he argued will "make America an alien nation... a freak among the world's nations because of the unprecedented demographic mutation it is inflicting on itself." (p. XIX)

He goes onto to relate the following:

"...the American nation has always had a specific ethnic core. And that core has been white. A nation, of course, is an interlacing of ethnicity and culture. Individuals of any ethnicity or race might be able to acculturate to a national community. and the American national community has certainly been unusually assimilitive. But nevertheless, the massive ethnic and racial transformation that public policy is now inflicting on America is totally new--and in terms of how Americans have traditionally viewed themselves, quite revolutionary. Pointing out this reality may be embarrassing to starry-eyed immigration enthusiasts who know no history. but it cannot reasonably be shouted down as "racist" or un-American." pg. 10

Throughout his maligned narrative he claims he is not a racist. However, arguing that America has always been white and making inflammatory statements that imply that diverse, multi-cultural societies have always been violent, unproductive and chaotic can only be classified as racist despite his camouflaging rhetoric. Apparently, Brimelow is considerably ignorant about science. Researchers of biology, genetics and sociology have all come to the same conclusion-- diversity makes living organisms stronger and more able to survive in changing environments.

He goes on to say:

"Race is destiny in American politics. It's importance has only been intensified by the supposedly color-blind civil rights legislation of the 1960's--which paradoxically has turned out to mean elaborate race-conscious affirmative action programs. Any change in the racial balance must obviously be fraught with consequences for the survival and success of the American nation. It is simply common sense that Americans have a legitimate interest in their country's racial balance. It is common sense that they have a right to insist that their government stop shifting it. Indeed, it seems to me that they have a right to insist that it be shifted back." p. 26

One can only reluctantly imagine what he meant by shifting "it"--the white majority--back. No doubt he influenced a whole generation of law makers who have maligned immigrants by incarcerating, abusing , raiding their homes and workplaces, and deporting them by the millions. Just how far white nationalists will go to purge the country of "unassimiable" black and brown immigrants is yet to be known.

Those of us with reasonable and enlightened constitutions must be vigilant in the quest to prevent human rights violations against immigrants, a particularly vulnerable population in contemporary American society. Within this current economic downturn and increasing moral panic against immigration; any imagined atrocity, humiliation or castigation is plausible-- and has happened to some immigrant somewhere in the country.

As smart as a monkey

2009-08-16T08:41:00.006-04:00

Occasionally, particularly in the beginning of a relationship, your partner will do or say something that goes against convention. It happens in every relationship, but I surmise it happens most often in relationships that comprise one person from a different culture. When one keeps an open mind it is amazing what can be learned within these intersections of diverging perspectives.

I was reminded of one of these enlightening moments this morning when I was eating breakfast. Normally, I have breakfast with Khalid on Sunday's. Quite often he makes a delicious pancake and turkey bacon breakfast. But on this particular Sunday he had arisen early to indulge in a favorite pastime; fishing.

So, here I was, alone, blithely eating my Cheerios and sipping coffee when I reached out to pick up a banana. Without thinking I turned the banana upside down and began peeling it from the bottom.

I never used to peel a banana that way. Like most cultured Americans I had always peeled it from the stem--struggling and cursing the entire time. This is how I was taught as a youngster, this is how everyone I knew had done it. As far as I knew...this was how our ancestors had done it throughout the centuries. Who was I to question it? Never mind that it's extremely difficult to do, or that I usually mash up a sizable portion of the banana. Indeed, I never questioned it until I met Khalid.

One of the first days we had been living together I witnessed Khalid effortlessly peeling a banana from the bottom. I was intrigued...because quite frankly, I had never seen it done that way. I asked him where he learned to peel a banana that way. He looked at me with a quizzical expression on his face. He looked to my serious face and back to the banana. "What??" I believe his reply was.

After some comical deliberation he answered the question by stating simply; that's how everyone does it in Kuwait.

Coincidentally, not long ago I saw a posting about this same topic on the Internet. Interestingly, our distant ancestors--and in this case I am referring to monkeys--peel their bananas from the bottom. Some researchers had apparently gone to some remote location to study the habits of monkeys and had notated this curious fact. One of the points made was the fact that monkeys are considered less intelligent than humans yet a sizable portion of humans, particularly from Western cultures, continue to peel banana's from the stem. So...who is really more intelligent?

It makes me wonder how many things we as Americans do, out of habit and conditioning, that could be implemented in a more efficient or rational way.

This morning, when I noticed I was peeling my banana from the bottom--I smiled to myself and thought: at least I am as smart as a monkey!

A Request from Homeland Security

2009-08-14T08:00:00.000-04:00

We received a letter from Homeland Security yesterday. I was the "lucky" one to first spot it in our mail box because Khalid was working late. After a long day at work the last thing you want to see in your mailbox is something from The Department of Homeland Inefficiency. Surprisingly, they weren't as inefficient as I would have liked: we just filed the adjustment of status papers two weeks ago. Darn, why can't government agencies live "down" to their reputations?

Just a mere glimpse of the Homeland Security logo filled my heart with trepidation. There's really no way to describe it. It's one of those things that unless you've been through it, you can't really understand the different levels of fear the human mind can conjure within a split second!

I get the same feeling when we go to the Homeland Security offices in Albany. All Homeland Security offices look like prisons. and of course, the militarized touch pad bolts on the doors don't exactly give the place a warm homey feel. I guess a hand embroidered welcome sign, a tea cozy and lace doilies are not staples in the Homeland Security yearly budget? 'Tis a shame...they get so much money might as well live it up a little.

My hands shook slightly as I reached for the "letter of doom". I was afraid they had decided to reject our adjustment request. So, I was relieved-- when Khalid came home and opened the letter-- to find they were only requesting additional information. Phew!!

They were requesting two things. One is to get some medical testing and vaccinations from a Homeland Security approved doctor. (I guess that Homeland Security sanctioned doctors are the only ones qualified to do such routine examinations--or, more likely,they are the only ones who can botch them up!)

The other request may be a trifle more problematic. They were requesting Khalid's birth certificate. When Khalid was born, India was not issuing birth certificates. Great! So now, Khalid has to prove that India did not issue birth certificates at that time, which shouldn't be difficult. DHS "should" already know that anyways.

Khalid has contacted his Father so he can sign a notarized statement about the lack of a birth certificate and stating that Khalid was born in India, when and where. Additionally, his brother is contacting the Indian embassy to see what they can provide. Ho-hum..there's tons more fun where that came from!

So, stay tuned to find out what else arises. Whatever it is, it will no doubt be an adventure!

Shelving immigration reform

2009-08-13T08:00:00.000-04:00

Recently I’ve seen a lot of headlines in the news that proclaim President Obama is shelving immigration reform until 2010. He has said it was more important to get health care reform on track and to deal with energy issues before any meaningful work is done on immigration reform.

To say I am disappointed is an understatement. I had voted for Obama, at least in part, because he promised that immigration reform would be a priority during the first year of his administration. I had hoped that he would at least implement some sort of dialogue about the Family Reunification Act: an amendment to current immigration law statutes which would allow an immigrant facing deportation to stay in The United States if they have a spouse or children who are U.S. citizens. This sounds like a reasonable and prudent law and one that should have never been changed.

Obviously, the passing of this law would help Khalid and I and thousands of couples like us. Now, our hopes are dashed because we don’t think we can wait until next year for immigration reform. Witnessing the quagmire of the current debate about health care reform and the resulting unpleasantness of the entire process, I surmise that immigration reform will be even more difficult to procure.

There are many people who are against immigration reform—or at least any reform that would help immigrants. Unfortunately, I find that the majority of people who are against it are not sufficiently aware of the bigger picture. This is where I want to make a difference. As a result of my blog, I get the sense that I have made changes in a few people’s opinions and this is satisfying—but I don’t feel I am doing enough. I need to reach more people and I’m not sure how to do this.

I would love to make more speeches, but so far the venues I have been in have been small. I feel stuck. If anyone has any ideas about how I can get my message out, please contact me. I will seriously consider any suggestions

Creed in Saratoga

2009-08-12T20:39:00.013-04:00

I would like to step down from my immigration reform soapbox, at least temporarily, and talk about the concert I went to last night. Honestly, there are times when I get weary of defining myself by the immigration predicament my husband is in. Understandably, Khalid is even more tired of it then I am, because he's been immersed in it for a longer period. So, occasionally we break conventions and do something just for fun. Imagine that!

A few months ago Khalid purchased tickets to see Creed on August 11th, at Saratoga Performing Arts Center. I like Creed, but since they broke up a few years ago I lost interest in them. So, when Khalid breached the subject with me, I was underwhelmed. I had my heart set on going to a Disturbed concert in Utica. Lacuna Coil was opening for them and the prospect of seeing two of my favorite bands at once was too appealing to ignore. So, like the attentive husband Khalid is, he tried to get tickets: but they sold out in a matter of hours. Creed seemed, at the time, to be a poor substitute for Disturbed and Lacuna Coil.

I was dead tired on our way to the show. I was wondering whether I could enjoy the show because of the fatigue. I always love going to live musical performances. I don't know what it is but they always make me giddy. I can never stand still when I hear good music. I will never understand how audience members can stand still. As soon as the music starts I have to move. Luckily, my fears about being too tired were unwarranted because as soon as Creed stepped onto the stage I was mesmerized-- and, more importantly-- energized!

Creed puts on a spectacular show. The light show is top notch and the musicianship is amazing. Each band member puts their all into the performance. Scott Stapp is a born performer and his stage presence is undeniable. He has a solid rapport with the audience and he clearly loves being the center of attention. There was a gleeful smile on his face for the majority of the hour and a half performance.

The whole concert and light show reminded me of some ancient Pagan festival..with bonfires, drumming and ecstatic rhythmic dancing and chanting. It was great!!

I am going to stoop to superficial observations here..but Scott looked great! I think he looks better now then in the late 90's...compare for yourself:

Ok..well..he looks good in both pictures but I like the mature Scott much better. I can only hope that his behavior has matured along with his looks. His past behavior has been rather erratic and immature.

While watching the concert, I was reminded of some of my favorite things in the world; things that really make life worth living. Such things include warm weather, breezy nights, quality music, being with my husband and watching really good looking, sweaty men in tight leather pants.

Now, if I could only convince my husband to buy some tight leather pants then my life will be complete. I brought up that possibility to him on the way home from the concert last night. He was less than enthused. However, I do not give up easily! hehehehe.....

Melancoly Monday

2009-08-10T16:00:00.004-04:00

There are nights when I go to bed, that I wish I wouldn’t wake up. It’s a rare event, but still happens when my optimism is running low. These feelings scare the heck out of me...and they make me fear that I am not handling this situation as well as I hoped.

But, maybe I’m not that unusual. I witnessed a casual conversation between two co-workers today who expressed similar feelings after relating some difficulties in their lives. Life is full of problems and pitfalls—especially in these transformative and uncertain times. Sometimes the burdens seem too great—even for people who seem to have it all together.

Anyways, last night was one of those nights I wish I wouldn’t wake up the next morning. Nothing in particular was responsible for my sad mood. I just started to obsess about losing Khalid. I was exceptionally tired —perhaps that was enough to unleash the melancholy.

Even though I try to hide my melancholy moods from Khalid he always senses when something is wrong. We went to bed at our normal time, turned off the lights and chatted for a few minutes. I fell silent after awhile. He pulled me into his arms and asked if anything was wrong. I said no—but I lied. I felt bad about lying to him--especially since I know he sees through my disguise.

Even if I wanted to explain, or had the words to express myself I knew I couldn’t. There was no way I could add to his already substantial burden. How can I tell him my fears and doubt when he is holding tightly to the last hope we have? How can I speak about my weaknesses when he is so full of strength and life? He will be the one forced to leave and go to a strange land he hasn’t seen since he was a small boy. I get to stay behind in familiar surroundings—but without him.

It’s hard to explain these complex feelings. Khalid is the only rock solid relationship I’ve ever had. He understands me and puts up with my moods. He has given me the strength to do so many things that I didn’t think I was capable of. Because of his support I was able to go back to college and learn how to write from my heart--regardless of what anyone else thought.

Without him, I would not be in the place I am now—which despite the immigration fiasco —is still the best place I’ve ever been. The fact is--despite all my faults Khalid is still there to comfort and love me—as I am. With Khalid there are no ulterior motives, no manipulation: he never expects anything more from me other than my love and acceptance. I’ve never experienced that before in my life.

This self-pity is pure selfishness...I know. There are still plenty of things to look forward to. There are college courses, creating more paintings, sharing laughs with friends, having a successful business,writing endless papers and more blog entries to create. There are movies to see, birthday parties to attend and trips to take. In particular, there’s the hope of a day when Khalid will have his green card and have the opportunity to participate fully and freely in American society. Like a small child awaiting Christmas-- I wait impatiently for that day.

These are all hopeful prospects and I am blessed to have them. But what fills me with the most dread is the possibility that Khalid and I will never be reunited. There will be no more movies, no more birthday parties and no more trips—taken with him. If that fear should ever become a reality, on that night when I go to bed; I will not want to wake up the next morning.

The Prophetic dream

2009-08-08T10:00:00.003-04:00

For some reason, I keep bringing to mind a very strange dream that I had a little over a year ago. Historically, I have never been a proponent of dream interpretation for several reasons. Most importantly, my dreams do not make sense. There is little literal meaning I can glean from the random thoughts and images that flash across my inner movie projector. It’s as if some schizophrenic director is leading a macabre circus through a Dali-esque landscape. I don’t think it’s possible to attach any meaning to this chaos.

But after having a particularly vivid dream last year in early July, I may have modified my viewpoints slightly to allow the chance that dreams may actually have meanings, and in rare circumstances; be prophetic.

So, without further ado, this is my dream:

Khalid and I are in his car driving to a destination. The sky is a Wedgewood blue and the sun is shining brightly. After a spending a long time on the road we crossed an old fashioned arched bridge constructed of brown bricks. The bridge spanned a large body of water.

We travelled over the bridge, across the water and arrived on an island. We clearly were not at our expected destination. We consulted a map, but could not locate the island. There were no discernible signs anywhere indicating our location. After awhile we came to what appeared to be a town center. There was a school nearby and a village hall.

Khalid parked in a large lot and I got out of the car. We needed to find out where we were so we could figure out how to get to our destination. I walked to the nearby town hall, expecting to see some sign that proclaimed the name of the town we were in. I found a large, bronze plaque and perused its contents, but there wasn’t a name.

I continued looking for a name, but none was to be found. I turned to one of the busy pedestrians on the street and asked “What is the name of this town?”

She looked at me with a bemused expression and then shook her head. “It doesn’t have a name” she shouted at me. Quickly she skirted past me and disappeared into the middle of the crowd.

Suddenly, I heard a loud sound coming from the parking lot. A violent sound of thunder ensued and reverberated through the quaking ground. A large group of people started to run towards the parking lot.

I pushed through the crowd using my arms as battering rams and willed my legs to move quickly. I could feel the anxiety and fear welling up into my lungs, compelling me to scream--but for some reason I didn't. I knew what happened even before I got to Khalid's car. My husband was struck by lightning. When I finally arrived at the car Khalid’s eyes were closed, his breath was shallow and some blood was trickling out of his mouth. I yelled for someone to get a doctor, but no one moved. No one did anything but kept starring at us. Khalid wasn’t dying, I could tell, but he was badly injured. I knew he needed a doctor. I was determined to find a way out of this town and find help.

I looked over the expanse of water and noticed the bridge had disappeared. In panic I scanned the entire horizon hoping to find that bridge, but it was not there. In fact, there weren’t any bridges to be seen from any direction. The island was completely cut off.

Khalid recovered a bit after awhile but we found ourselves stuck on that island: the island that didn’t have a name. I don’t know how long we were there but it was quite awhile. After a time we noticed a mist was coming over the water from the distance. As it came closer we noticed that three different bridges were materializing from the mist. On those bridges were hundreds of cars and they were driving in the direction of the island. The last thing I remember was feeling an incredible relief wash over me. Finally we could get off the island.

The most interesting thing about this dream was it happened in early July of 2008, right around the time the judges had made a decision regarding Khalid's 2nd circuit court hearing.

Is this prophetic? I don't know exactly. At least the first part seems to correlate with actual events. Khalid being hit by lightening seems to portend the judges decision. The second part, about being stranded on an unnamed island-- might foretell Khalid being in immigration limbo. But the last part I have no idea how to interpret. Does the bridge materializing mean Khalid gets out of immigration limbo? does the relief we feel in the dream mean things will work out in our favor--in the end? What happens to us?

None of these questions will be answered until Khalid's immigration status is rectified..and we have no idea how long that will take. Stay tuned.....

A Distinction Between Aliens

2009-08-06T09:40:00.001-04:00

Few people realize that there exists a distinction in immigration law between different types of “illegal aliens”. The media tends to lump all aliens together. Not all aliens are created—or defined equally in the quagmire known as the U.S. immigration judicial system.

As a result of the contemporary wave of xenophobia all “illegal” aliens are criminalized-- even those immigrants who overstay their VISA’s which is legally considered a civil violation. James Sensenbrenner, a U.S. Representative explains in the following quote:

"...under current law, illegal entry into the United States makes an alien subject to a Federal criminal misdemeanor with a maximum penalty of 6 months in prison. However, unlawful presence itself, such as by overstaying a visa, is not a criminal offense, but only a civil ground of inadmissibility...

This distinction really doesn’t make a big difference because both violations are treated the same way in the courts and are likely to end in deportation. The only observable difference is that criminal violations can result in jail time-- which translates into wasteful spending of millions of taxpayer dollars.

Additionally, trials for immigrants, who commit both criminal and civil violations, follow the same scenario. Whether the immigrant has committed a civil or criminal violation they must come before an immigration judge in a separate court system run by the Department of Justice.

The immigration judge conducts the entire trial. He is judge, jury and executioner. The only other people within the room are the accused immigrant, and-- if the immigrant can afford one: an immigration lawyer. The immigration judge asks questions, determines whether the alien qualifies for some form of relief or asylum status. Otherwise, the deportation mandate is normally reinstated or is handed out.

There is no jury-- nor is legal counsel available for the immigrant unless the immigrant can afford one. Consequently, many immigrants are unable to afford legal counsel and are compelled to defend themselves. As imagined, this can be nearly impossible for an immigrant who doesn’t speak English or doesn’t understand American culture.

Additionally, immigration law is very complicated and changes constantly. Most Americans find it difficult navigating in the tumultuous seas of immigration law, imagine how impossible it would be for an immigrant to stay afloat?

Proceedings in immigration court are distinctly different than those conducted in criminal courts. Whereas there are certain safeguards put in place to protect the accused, no such protections are extended to immigrants. Basically, once the accused is charged with a criminal or civil violation of immigration law, it is up to the accused to prove they are innocent.

The idea of “innocent until proven guilty” does not apply in immigration courts. Furthermore, in the past, immigration judges were allowed some leniency in handing out deportation mandates, depending on individual mitigating circumstances. This is no longer true. Judges are now compelled by law to hand out deportations no matter what the circumstances are--unless the alien qualifies for some sort of relief. The granting of relief and the approval of asylum status is rarely meted out.

There has been a movement within conservative groups to make overstay a criminal violation as well. The following excerpt, taken from Deseret News in Utah on 12/30/2005 explains further:

"Right now, illegal aliens are in violation of immigration regulations. Freeway speedsters are bigger scofflaws. But to jack unlawful residency violations up to felonies shows not only callousness, but a lack of imagination on the part of lawmakers. It also displays a complete lack of understanding of the havoc the move will create. If the House has its way, when the student visa of a father of four from India expires, when a tourist from England overstays her welcome or a contracted worker from Colombia doesn't get his papers renewed on time, they become 'desperadoes' -- desperate criminals on a par with the thugs who rob liquor stores at gunpoint. Please. The only desperate souls here are the lawmakers who choose to throw good people in the clink and throw up their hands because they are bankrupt of ideas."

Making overstay a criminal violation poses many problems for lawmakers, not the least of which is determining where to house a substantial influx of more immigrant “criminals”. Maybe we should just reopen Alcatraz for all the immigrants who have suddenly been rendered “dangerous criminals” of the highest order.

It will be interesting to observe how these lawmakers are going to convince the American public to funnel millions of dollars for the jailing of these benign violators of immigration law.

Maybe a more creative solution is appropriate. Perhaps, we should just kick all the rapists, murderers and pedophiles out of our prisons and replace them with the dangerous, degenerate and blood thirsty throng known as “illegal aliens”. tsk tsk...

Like tip-toeing through a mindfield

2009-08-05T08:00:00.002-04:00

Khalid and I have made a critical decision. We have decided to file the adjustment of status papers, and the excludibility waiver that should negate his inadmissible status. It has cost us over 1,500 dollars to file all these papers, but it may be our best--and last chance.

Despite the fact that we have gotten some contradictory information about Khalid's ability to file the waivers we are acting on our gut instinct. We have reason to believe that this might actually work. Perhaps, at a later time I will discuss the conclusions that we have come to that have prodded us to act. For now, lets just say that some of the pieces of this perplexing immigration puzzle have finally come into place.

Technically, and legally speaking he should be able to adjust his status with the filing of the excludibility waiver. Basically, this waiver states that he can adjust his status because it has been 15 years since his conviction for reckless endangerment. He has shown himself to be a good and moral individual and has lead an exemplary life since 1993.

I also have a compelling hardship waiver that uses medical, financial and personal statements that prove I would have profound hardships should my husband be deported from the United States.

Additionally, we possess an approved I-130 VISA petition which states that our marriage is bona-fide and allows Khalid back into the country should he be compelled to leave. This is important because we have been told this is one of the hardest documents to procure.

Today we received a notice from Homeland Security notifying Khalid of a Biometric appointment in Syracuse on August 27th at 8:00 AM. Biometrics sounds like a new aerobic routine but it is actually an appointment whereby Khalid's fingerprints and other vital statistics are documented. We may even be interviewed. This is a necessary step in the adjustment of status process.

After the appointment we may be left waiting for 6-7 months until they make a determination. Until that time we will be on pins and needles. It is entirely possible that they will deny the petition and waivers. In that case, we would be forced to reapply when-- and if-- Khalid is actually deported. Yes, that would mean the U.S. government would get an additional 1,500 dollars of our hard-earned money. Gotta love the capitalistic spirit!

The filing of the papers should stop any attempts at deporting my husband. I say "should" because we are dealing with the government, and basically, if they get it in their heads to do something--they find a way.

Because Khalid has an American wife, it should afford him some protections that other deportees do not enjoy. He has noticed some significant changes in how Homeland Security has treated him since being married to me.

But, in the mercurial winds of the U.S. immigration judicial system there is no way of knowing if any of this will do any good. During the entire duration of this precarious immigration situation it feels like we are tip-toeing through a minefield. We never know what small steps we take will result in explosions and detriment and what large leaps might lead to safety and freedom.

We are taking a gigantic leap of faith. What we need more than anything are prayers and good wishes...so please...add us to your prayers this week. Thank you!

Memorial #2: Farouk Abdel-Muhti

2009-08-04T08:00:00.007-04:00

Farouk Abdel-Muhti in detention

Farouk Abdel-Muhti was a Palestinian immigrant who made Queens, New York his home. He produced radio programs that were critical of American and Israeli foreign policies. He was also out of status.

Upon being arrested at his home in Queens by FBI officials in 2002, Farouk was transferred from various detention centers, jails and prisons across the country. Transferring detainees multiple times is a common procedure for the Department of Homeland Security. The excuse made for this bizarre behavior is the significant overcrowding in detention facilities. The scope of these harsh immigration laws has made existing detention facilities burst at the seems. It is not unusual for detention facilities, designed for 300 individuals, to house 700 or more.

But a more insidious reason may lurk beneath the surface. Moving detainees multiple times makes it harder for family members, friends or even lawyers to keep track of or visit the detainee. Relatives are not notified when their loved ones are moved and even attorneys are not made aware their client is now incarcerated two states over. Without the support of family members, friends and legal counsel it is more likely the detainee will be deported.

The rate of arresting and incarcerating illegal aliens has expanding much faster than the contractors can build new detention facilities. These new non-violent "criminals" are often housed in county jails and federal prisons alongside dangerous and violent felons.

The following quote is taken from the book Targeted:Homeland Security and the Business of Immigration by author Deepa Fernandes:

"During his two-year detention, Farouk spent eight straight months in solitary confinement in a tiny York County jail cell with no light for twenty-three hours and fifteen minutes per day. He was subject to extensive interrogation and was often denied food. He stated publicly that he was repeatedly abused, physically and verbally. On the rare occasions he was allowed to visit a health clinic, Farouk was handcuffed and shackled. After two years and extensive pro-bono support from the Center for Constitutional Rights, a federal judge ordered that Farouk be deported, charged, or released. As with so many other cases, all the government could accuse Farouk of was being out of status--for which he was treated like a criminal of the worst order." (page 89 of Targeted by Fernandes)

Eventually, after significant pressure from supporters and the hard work of his lawyers, Farouk was released in 2004. He became a tireless activist speaking for social justice and human rights across the country.

Unfortunately,this is a memorial in the traditional sense because Farouk actually collapsed and died after giving a speech in Philadelphia about human rights violations in the U.S. and Palestine. Undoubtedly, the stress and abuse suffered within the various prisons and detention facilities he was held in eventually caused the heart attack Farouk suffered from on that fateful day. It is interesting to note that he was not treated for his heart condition the entire time he was in detention.

May we, who strive to follow humbly in his footsteps, never waiver in our determination to fight discrimination and racism wherever it exists. Whether is shows it's distorted face in distant lands or right here within the land of the "free"-- may we always have the courage to speak truth to power.

Cobblestone & Arbor

2009-08-03T09:25:00.003-04:00

Recently I have been thinking of the worst case scenario. In my life, the worst case scenario would involve my husband being deported to India. This is not something I want to dwell on, but I have to.

Preparing for the worst is practical and necessary, but it is scary because there is the fear that thinking about the negative outcome is going to invite it into my life. You often hear life coaches telling you to imagine the positive--don't think about the negative. Just believe that the best is going to occur in your life and it will. If you focus on the negative you invite it to materialize.

I wish life was that simple. All you have to do is think positive thoughts and nothing bad will ever happen to you. Humanity can conquer all evils in the world by just thinking positive thoughts. Strife, death, and illness will simply vanish. Sigh......

I have spent a lot of time recently going over how Khalid's absence will affect my life. In addition to substantial spiritual and emotional strife, there will also be serious monetary concerns. Under certain conditions-- I should be able to cover most of my monthly expenditures, with about four dollars leftover.

This will mean I will be living from paycheck to paycheck, and if any large expenses pop up; such as car repairs or medical expenses I will be in financial trouble.

With that in mind I have to consider getting a second job. This fills me with trepidation because jobs are hard to come by, and the only ones that are available around here are retail. I hate retail jobs for several reasons. They don't pay well, require substantial extroverted skills that I don't possess and involve consumerism. Ick!!

So, I have decided to finally listen to some of my friends who have encouraged me (for years!) to use my artistic abilities to make extra money. With this in mind, I have decided to create watercolor paintings of beautiful houses, particularly old historic homes and B & B's. I have already started a series of colonial houses in Salem, Massachusetts. When the first one is completed I will officially open my new business called Cobblestone & Arbor.

Of course, this would still be a capitalistic enterprise..but it would be my own handmade goods I would be selling and not some manufactured, plastic commodity made by some far away factory workers who are paid 30 cents an hour!

Taking a cue from those life coaches, I will visualize my business as a huge success. Maybe positive thinking will work this time!

Disposable bodies

2009-08-02T14:00:00.006-04:00

Grace Chang wrote about the plight of undocumented woman immigrants in her book Disposable Domestics: Immigrant Women Workers in the Global Economy. She characterizes these woman as being disposable for several reasons. The most integral reason is that undocumented workers are necessary for the functioning of American society yet they are simultaneously cast aside for cheaper employees and then run out of the country.

Let me repeat that: undocumented workers are necessary for the stability of the American economy...

As a side note here: woman are particularly exploitable because of their subjugated status in society--yes, even our modern society. The fact that thousands of woman are assaulted, raped and killed in America every year attests to the fact that woman are still considered second class citizens. Furthermore, woman are still paid seventy cents to every man's dollar.

Why does the American economy need undocumented workers? America's economic system is capitalistic. Capitalism always needs surplus labor in order to expand. In capitalistic societies, in order for the consumerist machine to keep functioning it needs to keep a large pool of cheap, highly exploitable workers in the wings for future utilization.

Additionally, different segments of the working population are pitted against each other in an endless competition for the few jobs that are available. Sexism, racism and xenophobia are all societal ills that capitalism uses to its advantage.

This is evident with the observable increase of sexism and racism in economic downturns: like the one we are having now. This inherent competition allows capitalists to continually drive wages down for every worker.

Undocumented workers are the most exploitable and vulnerable workers in America. Employers do not have to offer any benefits, pensions, vacations, or health insurance to these particular employees. More importantly, employers of undocumented workers do not have to follow labor laws.

Additionally, undocumented workers do not get any government assistance in the form of social security benefits, welfare, food stamps, etc. The idea that undocumented workers drain funds from national coffers is a myth.

After the last round of so-called "immigration reform" in the mid 1990's all benefits were withdrawn from undocumented workers. Realistically speaking; undocumented workers prop up the American economy--they do not drain it dry.

Within this new super-capitalistic global economy, woman are not the only disposable bodies. Any black, brown or immigrant worker is also rendered disposable.

America needs to acknowledge its own role in the influx of undocumented workers into our borders and our contradictory attitudes toward them . On one hand we encourage the migration of illegal workers into our country simply because we can not afford to hire natives to do certain labor intensive and menial work. On the other hand we are persecuting the same people for residing and working illegally.

In addition, we need to hold ourselves accountable for the influence America holds within international lending institutions like the IMF and The World Bank. The lending policies of these institutions commonly undermine economic sustainability in developing countries. Many writers including Joseph Stiglitz, former head of The World Bank, has documented these abuses.

Consequently, many world citizens find themselves unable to provide the basic necessities for their families. They have no choice but to migrate to the centers of capitalism in order to survive. Many of them come here to America.

In conclusion, no human being is disposable.

A Birthday party in Kuwait

2009-07-30T17:25:00.002-04:00

Facebook is wonderful! It has its drawbacks…for sure. As an example, many of the applications are cheesy. For the most part, joining Facebook has been a positive experience and has allowed me to reconnect to old friends I haven’t heard from in years. One of the best things about Facebook has been connecting with Khalid’s sister in Kuwait. She has recently “friended” me on Facebook-- and since that day I have felt like a part of Khalid’s family.

Khalid has a special place in his heart for his sister and always speaks of her in glowing terms. He describes her as a generous, warm, caring woman: someone who would go to great lengths to help someone in need. I have spoken to her a few times over the telephone and I get the same impression. She has always treated me with respect, warmth and a welcoming spirit, despite the fact that she has never met me.

She has allowed me a glimpse into her life in Kuwait. I cannot describe in words what this has meant to Khalid and I. She has posted many pictures of her beautiful family. I especially love the pictures she posted of a family trip to Entertainment City in Kuwait: a large and brightly colored amusement park set within a lush and palm tree bespeckled landscape. These pictures showcase a lovely and elegant woman with a lively smile and a young son with an impish yet infectious grin.

Today she posted pictures of her daughter’s first birthday party. Khalid’s sister is wearing a beautiful royal purple outfit with dangling earrings and an intricate purple beaded necklace. (I always notice beaded necklaces because I design and make them myself) Her daughter is a lovely child, dressed in a shimmery gold dress with matching headband. Her attention is occupied by a large birthday cake with a large motif of Barbie encased on the frosting. In the corner is a closed pink flower candle that unfolds magically when lite.

Even though I love perusing these pictures I can’t help but feel a tinge of sadness. Khalid and I would love to be a part of his sister’s life. We want to spend time with her and her family. For now..that dream is regretfully on hold.

I make this promise to Khalid’s sister: I will do whatever I can to make it possible for you to see your brother again. Once this immigration nightmare is over we will travel together to Kuwait and spend some time with you and your family. Perhaps, in the not so distant future we can attend a birthday party in Kuwait.

A Stinkweed by any other name...

2009-07-28T13:52:00.015-04:00

There is a significant amount of information available from newspapers, books, reporters and personal accounts of immigrants to justify characterizing Homeland Security as being a racist institution. Some writers and journalist use felicitous words such as nativism or prefer to defend xenophobic policies by proclaiming them as necessary in order to safeguard American lives, but despite being cloaked in misleading semantics these dubious actions are obviously rooted in centuries of sublimated racism.

To paraphrase a popular cliché: a stinkweed by any other name still smells as sour.

This post was inspired, in part, by a recent New York Times article posted on July 25, 2009 entitled: Racist Web Posts Traced to Homeland Security.

An article appeared in a local newspaper about the DHS raid of a migrant farm in Western New York that elicited a rash of racist commentary, some of which were traced in an investigation to Homeland Security computers.

This is not the first time Homeland Security and their employees have been accused of racism. In 2003, two African American women were terminated from their jobs and replaced by two white men. Subsequently they placed a lawsuit against the agency charging it with discrimination.

Indeed, when reviewing the hiring practices of Homeland Security it becomes clear that Caucasians are preferred over minorities. Over sixty percent of employees are Caucasian*

Creating a workforce comprised of mainly white employees indoctrinated into American exceptionalism, the supremacy of Western civilization, xenophobia-- and who are not familiar with the lifestyles and vulnerabilities of an immigrant population they have jurisdiction over can easily translate into callous and racist acts. When these ideologies are institutionalized it becomes easy to blur the line between safeguarding American interests and crossing over into dangerous territory and engaging in blatant expressions of racism.

One has to wonder how much desensitization must occur in a workplace to render racist actions as commonplace and benign.

One such instance occurred in 2007. A Homeland Security employee wore a blackface/prison costume with long dreadlocks to work for Halloween. He was awarded a prize by Julie Myers, Assistant Secretary of Immigration and Customs Enforcement. After a significant amount of criticism surfaced after posting pictures on an internet site , she later apologized to the National Association of African Americans in DHS for the incident, but not before damage was done to the agency’s already tarnished reputation.

It should come as no surprise that Homeland Security participates in racism. The Immigration and Naturalization Service-- once an independent agency (now incorporated into the larger division of Homeland Security)-- has a long history of racist policies and comments made by officials. The following quotes are from a former Western Regional Commissioner of the Immigration and Naturalization Service in the 1980’s:

“Harold Ezell, was infamous for comments made about ‘illegal aliens’—that they should be ‘caught, skinned and fried.’ Senator Dennis DeConcini reportedly complained that Ezell used the term “wets”, apparently a shortened version of the pejorative term ‘wetbacks’, to refer to undocumented immigrants seeking to cross the Rio Grande.”*

There is presupposition towards discrimination and racism in an institution that is designed to function simultaneously as a public service agency that naturalizes the newest influx of mostly black/brown immigrants into American society and a militarized retribution unit that imprisons and deports the same group of immigrants. Militarization and public service do not make compatible bedfellows simply because they operate under different assumptions and aspire to dissimilar goals. One of the two must become dominant-- and it is obvious which one triumphed based on the large number of charges and lawsuits that have been filed against Homeland Security because of their aggressive and racists tactics.

The moral panic that ensued against Muslims after September 11th created ample opportunity to engage in government sanctioned racism. Despite the fact that the perpetrators were Arab Muslims, this racial profiling ensnared all black or brown minorities. This can be witnessed in the numerous workplace raids that target businesses that hire substantial numbers of minority workers. Unfortunately, many U.S. citizens, and green card holders have also been “mistakenly” lassoed in these raids and have been subjected to interrogations, detentions and sometimes even deportations simply based on the color of their skin. This posturing is also observable in the numbers of black and brown people who are detained and interrogated at airports.

Racism is also evident within the many rogue local police offices that enforce immigration law with Homeland Security’s blessings. Without provocation, many immigrants are pulled over in their cars by police officers and asked for documentation that proves they are in the country legally. Their only transgression is looking like an illegal alien: which normally requires being a black or brown minority. If they are unable to provide documentation they are locked up in jail cells. Such aggressive policies sanctioned infamously by Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Arizona are currently being investigated by the Department of Justice, but not until numerous abuses of power and rampant racial profiling have destroyed many immigrants lives.

We must stop concealing racist agendas under the pretense of national security. There is no evidence that indicates that immigrants, illegal or otherwise, commit more crimes than citizens. Many studies have showed the opposite to be true. We cannot hold entire groups of black and brown people accountable for the terrorist activities of a few degenerate individuals. Racism lives whether we label it xenophobia, nativism or ethnic cleansing.

To use another cliché in its original form: If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, it must be a duck.

· (Source) http://www.citizenorange.com/orange/2008/02/photos-surface-of-ice-employee.html

Other sources:

http://www.azcentral.com/arizonarepublic/local/articles/2009/07/26/20090726dhs-suit0726.html

http://www.alternet.org/blogs/peek/67442/homeland_security_employee_wore_%22blackface%22_costume_at_work_all_day/

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/25/nyregion/25immig.html?_r=2

http://www.aclu.org/intlhumanrights/racialjustice/40069prs20090630.html

http://www2.tbo.com/content/2008/aug/18/me-land-law-amendment-targetsvestigesofracism/

A Clarification on my "memorials" of deportees

2009-07-26T13:47:00.004-04:00

Recently, a reader contacted me about my blog post entitled Memorial #1: Ansar Mahmood. He was unhappy with a few things about my post: specifically the use of the word "memorial". In addition, he felt I was not doing Ansar justice by putting undue emphasis on his short residency in The U.S.

The entire note is as follows:

"hate to be pedantic... but those definitions are for 'memorial' as an adjective. You're using it as a noun. Mr Mahmood was shamefully treated. But you seem to be talking about him as if he were dead. As far as we know, he's alive and well and living in Pakistan. I just don't think you're doing him justice by talking of him as though his whole life were based on residency in the USA, and now all his promise and potential have been cruelly destroyed. They haven't - they're just happening somewhere else. The loss is America's, not his."

As to his first critique, regarding the use of the word “memorial” I will admit my mistake of using the incorrect "adjective" definition. However, there is nothing inherent within either definition that states the subject of the memorial has to be dead. In fact, the noun definition reflects more closely the actually purpose of the post: to remember the life of an immigrant that was unjustly treated. This is how the Miriam Webster online dictionary defines the noun of memorial:

“1: something that keeps remembrance alive: as a: monument b: something (as a speech or ceremony) that commemorates c: keepsake, memento”

I could have chosen to use the non-descript word of "remembrance" but that has no power behind it. Memorial is a "power word", it gets noticed: simply because it is normally associated with a death and/or a tragedy. Any writer worth his or her salt knows when to use a "power word" to get people's attention. All writers are manipulators of language: some are better at it than others.

In essence, the purpose of my post was to keep the memory of Ansar alive in the collective memory. There are thousands of immigrants being deported from America's shores yearly, each with their own unique story. Each year the numbers of deportations increase. Millions of taxpayer dollars are being funneled into this expensive "cleansing" and the American people have a right to know how this money is being used and to whom it is being used against. Unfortunately, most of these deportations are done secretly and only a handful of individual stories are known, written or talked about. Changes to immigration policy will only occur if people know something is wrong. Our immigration system is clearly broken!

I am attempting to take an abstract concept--deportation--and make it personal. Deportations do not happen to ideologies and concepts: they happen to individual people. Additionally, they do not happen just to the deportee, but to the family, friends and the community at large. To think otherwise is unrealistic. Any immigrant that comes to our country forges close relationships. Once a deported individual is sent away, those ties are oftentimes severed forever.

I never intended to imply that Mr. Mahmood was dead. But there are consequences inherent in becoming labeled a deportee. These consequences can result in actually physical death and/or-- what I refer to-- as "symbolic deaths." Bear with me, I assure you that I can explain.

There are serious ramifications of being deported --even once the person arrives in their country of origin. For instance, in countries like Pakistan, Haiti and many Middle Eastern countries once the individual is escorted off the plane by American DHS officials and handed over to the homeland authorities an even worse situation can unfold. In these countries, the deportee is oftentimes taken into custody, interrogated, abused and oftentimes thrown in prison.

In Haiti, for example, the majority of native deportees suffer from exposure, untreated medical conditions and starvation in Haitian prisons. Amnesty International has pleaded with American leaders to stop the unprecedented deportation of Haitian immigrants because of the gross human rights violations in the prisons there. For most Haitian deportees, being deported from America is a death sentence.

When Khalid is actually deported to India, the DHS officers will handcuff him and escort him off the plane and hand him over to Indian officials. These officials will look at Khalid's passport and see the word "deported" stamped on the first page. A likely scenario will play out in the following way: Khalid will be taken to a locked office within the airport and interrogated about the circumstances involving the deportation. Khalid will relate the long complicated story of his conviction, the fight through the immigration judicial system, his marriage to an American citizen and at the end of the struggle—being deported.

With any luck, maybe the officials will let Khalid go. Unfortunately, many Indian deportees find themselves rotting away in Indian prisons. These unlucky deportees are those who have no family ties in India and therefore no way to pay the extortion fee imposed on them by corrupt Indian officials.

Luckily, Khalid's brother should be in India at this time. His brother secured a 10 year VISA ( a VISA that allows unlimited entrance into the United States ) and commonly travels back and forth between India and the U.S. for training purposes. Hopefully, when Khalid is actually deported his brother will be in India and be able to travel to the prison, pay any fees required and Khalid will be allowed to accompany his brother to the safety of his home. Only then will Khalid be able to pick up the pieces of his life and start anew. For some Indian deportees the scenario is not so easy.

In conclusion, I was not trying to over-emphasize Mr. Mahmood's brief residency in the United States. I will not contradict the fact that many deportees can live happy, productive lives outside of American borders. People can live a good life in various countries all over the world. Despite myths propagated to the contrary, America does not corner the market on happiness, liberty and freedom. In fact, a recent study compared the relative happiness and contentment of citizens from various countries around the world, Americans ranked well behind individuals from Scandinavian countries. I will leave it to the reader to discern why, but it’s an interesting illumination none-the-less.

Ansar, like so many poor immigrants from unstable countries, wanted desperately to come here. He dreamed of arriving in this "land of opportunity". From his meager capital he obtained a green card and came to America. He secured employment and was even able to send some money back to his relatives. By all accounts, he thrived in his new environment and was content. It is not a stretch to say that his quality of life was significantly better here than in Pakistan.

That is why immigrants risk everything to come here. It is not my aim, in this particular post, to debate whether this naiveté and optimism is justified or whether it lives up to the hype. That is a subject for a subsequent post. It is only necessary to illuminate that America is the beacon of hope and prosperity for millions of downtrodden people across the globe.

Ansar came to America in the hopes of finding a better, more stable and productive life. However, when he was deported all this was destroyed. What he experienced was a "symbolic death" that is no less devastating. His hopes, aspirations, relationships and sense of security all “died” the day he was put on the plane to return him to Pakistan.

I do not believe that Ansar would take offense to my "memorial" I feel the only way that I can do justice to Ansar is to make sure that he is remembered. Indeed, the deportation of a good hardworking man like Ansar is a great loss to America. But to downplay the devastation of deportation is doing a gross injustice to the memory-- indeed to the living, breathing individual known as Ansar Mahmood-- and to the thousands of people whose lives are destroyed by deportation every year.

To think that Ansar, or any deportee, can return to his country carefree, unscathed, and simply pick up the where they left off is unadulterated ignorance. It doesn't work that way. I will continue to write about various deportees in my “memorials” to facilitate some empathy and understanding from a public who is largely unaware of their plight. I am giving voice to the voiceless.

There is a madness to my method…er...method to my madness.

A White wacko talks about racism

2009-07-23T17:00:00.011-04:00

Hopefully the title got your attention!!

I've wanted to talk about racism in my blog for awhile, but I've been avoiding the issue for various reasons. One of those reasons is because talking about race is an uncomfortable subject. It’s nearly impossible for a black person to discuss race with a white person, without suffering the consequences of being labeled a whiner, or an overly sensitive black person with a chip on his/her shoulder.

It’s a tad bit easier for me, as a fellow Caucasian, to breech the subject with white people, simply because there is a certain amount of authenticity and authority vested to me by the dominant culture--that black/brown people generally aren’t allowed. In other words-- I can talk to white people about race and discrimination without fearing the backlash of a physical or verbal assault or, perhaps even social alienation. The worst that might happen is I’ll be labeled a wacko. Ah well…what else is new??

A substantial percentage of white people don't understand that black and brown people don’t talk about racism as an abstract concept like white people do. Rather, racism is a phenomenon that they live within every day of their lives. Racism is a defining element in their experiences and they cannot just simply dismiss and ignore it once they walk out of their African American studies class. I know this because I have seen racism played out firsthand since being with Khalid.

The current news story about the African-American professor, Henry Louis Gates, who was arrested in his own home, accused of burglary and then arrested on charges of disorderly conduct inspired me to plunge into the unsettled waters of racism. If you haven’t read or heard about it yet(unlikely), here’s a link:

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/us_world/2009/07/21/2009-07-21_charges_dropped_against_harvard_professor_henry_louis_gates_jr.html

I have heard most of the controversies surrounding this incident, and have become uncomfortable with how the media is trying to downplay and soften the significance of this event. In my opinion, this was racial profiling in its most blatant form. It is faulty logic to assume, that because the officer involved taught classes about racial profiling he could not possibly be guilty of racism. A wolf in sheep's clothing can still indulge a hankering for lamb chops.

Racial profiling is not some mythological creature that appears occasionally on the silver screen, it is a living entity that breathes behind our beloved flag of liberty. Normally, racism is not a conspicuous presence within our contemporary society: as it was in earlier eras -- and while it is no longer publically condoned it has slipped begrudgingly underground. Racial acts are commonly cloaked behind disparaging rhetoric and deflected by people who do not admit that marginalization and exploitation are necessary in an ever-expanding, super-capitalistic economy.

I will give an example: Khalid and I went to Chili’s Restaurant in Syracuse a few weeks ago. As I am relating this story please keep in mind the restaurant was not at all busy! The white waitress finally came by to greet us and gave us some menus. Her greeting consisted of a very begrudging welcome to Chili’s. She basically threw the menus at us and quickly departed. After another long absence she came back and took our order. We waited another half an hour before the cook brought out our plates of food. Personally, we did not see the waitress for the rest of the evening, despite the fact that she was very cordial and accommodating to the white couple behind us. In order to get the check, Khalid had to find another waitress and ask for the manger. It was small comfort that we ate for free that night.

A white couple would not have worried that the poor service was a result of their race. A white couple would have assumed the poor service was a result of being overworked or having a bad day. They would have paid their bill, left a small tip and gone on with the rest of their day. For minorities it is not that easy. Within the background always lies the possibility that the events that unfold within their lives are caused by racism. Is the rude woman who waited on me racist or is she just having a bad day? Is the police officer who pulled me over practicing racial profiling? Did I get incarcerated because of my race? Did my co-worker get the promotion because he’s white? The questions go on and on.

There are no easy answers and oftentimes no clear cut distinctions in contemporary American society about what is racist. There are always explanations and excuses to cover up racist agendas. The only thing that is certain: racism is not dead—nor is it sleeping.

Art as immigration reform activism

2009-07-21T21:00:00.020-04:00

I Want You... Out of the country --at gunpoint!

Art has always been an important and integral part of my life. I can not remember a time when I haven't been inspired by a color, a story, or a particular image on t.v. or housed within the sanctified pages of a picture book. Beautiful things have never failed to capture my imagination.

When I was younger, I was under the impression that art had to be aesthetically pleasing, refined and pleasant to gaze at. It wasn't until I went to Buffalo State College in 1996 that my viewpoints changed slightly. I was majoring in Art Education and took a class with Professor Mary Wyrick. She was an inspiring teacher and challenged my notion that art had to be beautiful. Instead, she made me see that art was about expressing ideas-- first and foremost. A piece of artwork was able to transcend time and place and speak to people on multiple levels all at once. The artist, with a mere flick of a brush could express the same nuance that would take the writer volumes.

Although I realized that art was about ideas, I was still painfully ignorant about the power of art and its ability to challenge ingrained ideas and social mores. Until recently, I had never acknowledged this power. I took a class at Hamilton College last Fall semester entitled Feminist Visual Culture. Through viewing works by artists such as: Judy Chicago, Ghada Amer, Ana Mendieta, Cindy Sherman, Shirin Neshat, and Carolee Schneemann, I realized that art had the power, over time, to create subtle shifts in social consciousness.

Feminist art is not about being "pretty", "conforming" or "safe". Instead, much of it is meant to be "challenging", "controversial" and "activist". This is what makes it dynamic and a catalyst for social and political change. People can become complacent, comfortable and desensitized to their environment: even if that environment is stagnant, corrupt and unhealthy. It takes a shock to the system to get them to wake up.

With that goal in mind, I have started to design a series of art pieces centered around immigration reform. Eventually I will have enough works to show in an exhibit. The two pieces at the top of this page are part of this series. I cannot think of anything more controversial than using the iconic images of Uncle Sam and Lady Liberty to illustrate the irony and discrimination of contemporary U.S. immigration policies.

I hope my writings and artwork will inspire a change in someone's thinking regarding immigrants rights and the need for immigration reform-- and as a result-- changes will be made . This hope gives me power and optimism and sustains me throughout this whole ordeal. Without this hope there is nothing.

Parchment and deceit--Part 2

2009-07-21T16:56:00.009-04:00

I started running even before my brain consciously registered the danger. Khalid grabbed my hand and pushed me in front of him. The sudden change in motion caused a momentary loss of balance and I almost fell over a log in the path ahead of me. I quickly regained my physical equilibrium but my emotional state was not as easy to redeem. Something was amiss. The ominous footsteps behind us had ceased. Everything in the courtyard was stagnant and silent. Trouble was close at hand.

Suddenly, darkness descended upon us and I looked towards the sky long enough to see the large silhouette of the dragon flying overhead. The dragon’s body nose-dived and appeared ready to swoop down upon us.

I motioned for Khalid to look up with a twitching hand. I heard an unintelligible exclamation coming from his mouth as he pushed me painfully through and underneath a large hedge of hydrangea bushes.

“We’ve got to get inside that castle” Khalid said, while shaking his head in frustration. “I have to get inside and find the emancipation chamber. That is where I will find the document that proves the King granted me asylum.”

Khalid is a from Caldonian: a small kingdom located in the farthest reaches of the Ander Mountains. Caldonians are feared by my people because they possess a rare ability. They are masters at interpreting body language and perceiving subtle shifts in vocal tones. This sensitivity allows them to uncover deceit and strong emotions.

As a result of their abilities, Caldonians were considered dangerous and a security risk. My home of Wyndsber has a long history of war, strife, and economic calamities-- so the act of scapegoating: blaming a particular group for the kingdom's woes--was not unusual.

About ten years ago the Wyndsber ruler at the time, a ruthless man by the name of King Burrik, made a proclamation that Caledonians were a menace to society and must leave the Kingdom immediately. They were given a choice: either leave voluntarily or be imprisoned and forcibly removed—or worse. Burrik’s propaganda machine worked tirelessly to convince the public that Caldonians were evil deviants that only used their abilities to harm people.

This harsh tactic was necessary because Burrik ignored normal protocol when The High King died. Rather than sending an emissary to fetch the rightful heir of the throne he seized it for himself. He claimed the actual heir had died in battle. The Caldonians in the court uncovered the corruption, verified that the rightful heir was alive and threatened to expose the deceit. Consequently, Burrik did not want his sins to be unveiled by the intrusiveness and inconvenience of any Caledonians so he decided to rid himself of this one small problem.

Subsequently, all Caledonians were publicly executed and a proclamation was issued that demanded all other Caldonians leave the kingdom immediately or face the same fate. Any Caldonians that did not leave: whether from illness, family attachments or compulsion, were detained and placed in prison. The prison conditions were so deplorable that many died of starvation or exposure. Any who survived were rounded up and either killed on the spot or deposited in the treacherous Ander Mountains to die there.

Summoned by the Caldonians, Cantis Nuray--the rightful heir to the throne-- came back from his travels and accused Burrik of seizing the throne without proper authority. Nuray insisted that he was the next in line and he should have been notified. A brutal battle ensued between Burrik’s supporters and Nuray’s. The battle lasted three months and it appeared that Buttrik’s army would be victorious, but suddenly, hundreds of soldier’s became ill and died on the battlefield. Only Nuray’s army was immune. By the end of the month only Burrik and a handful of followers remained. They quickly took shelter within the Obsidian Forest.

Cantis Nuray became Wyndsber’s new regent and a brief period of calm settled over the weary nation. Nuray was a fair and noble ruler and during his short reign peace and prosperity descended on the land. Although King Nuray could not completely overturn Burrik’s old proclamation banning Caldonians from Wyndsber he tried to lessen the effects. Burrik’s propaganda was successful and he had poisoned a substantial percentage of the populace against Caldonians. King Nuray knew that any sudden measure to allow mass migrations into Wyndsber would result in significant uprisings.

Instead, he decided to grant asylum to a few trusted Caldonians he had met and befriended while abroad. Having these Caldonians was helpful to Nuray in many ways. Imagine the advantages of having advisers who can perceive the deceit and manipulations of any enemies to the throne. Eventually, when the fear subsided, Nuray was planning on opening the borders between both kingdoms..

My husband was one of the few Caledonian advisers to King Nuray. He swore an oath before the King and three of his clerics to uphold the honor of the King and to keep all revelations secret. After the ceremony they presented Khalid with an official document that outlined his asylum status. This document was to be kept within the walls of the emancipation chamber and sealed in a vault. Only two keys for the vault were made, one for the King and one for the individual Caldonian.

Caldonians were advised to keep their nationality a secret-- but if a situation arose that revealed their identity, they could appeal to the King and verify their asylum status with the document. The clerics put a charm on the document and the Caledonian so that the asylum status was ensured even if the King Nuray died. No person could kill a Caldonian with asylum status without incurring death himself.

Or, at least that’s what my husband was told—indeed what he thought, until Burrik came back.

A Pleasant Diversion

2009-07-20T13:11:00.018-04:00

Since I met Khalid in 2005, we have taken occasional short trips throughout New York State. Despite the precariousness of Khalid’s current immigration status and the obvious day to day angst we experience we have managed to enjoy life and take a few short excursions this summer.

Khalid says it’s important for us to have something to look forward to while in the midst of this immigration nightmare. Even though we never go anyplace fancy, and don’t spend a lot of money the benefits we accrue from these short trips are immeasurable. As a bonus, we get to explore the wonders of our own backyard. As R.E.M. sang in the 80's "Stand in the place where you live."

Until meeting Khalid, I never really knew how beautiful, interesting and unusual New York State is. There are many lovely and extraordinary places to explore, including The Genesee Country Village and Museum, Sonnenburg Gardens and The Farmer’s Museum.

One of the nicest places we’ve visited this summer is Sodus Point, New York. It is near Oswego and located right on Lake Ontario: one the most beautiful lakes in the world. Not that I am biased or anything. I had never heard of this village before meeting Khalid, and without him I may have never discovered what has become one of my favorite places.

Sodus Point consists of a quaint little village on Lake Ontario with wonderful cafes and beautiful vistas. There is a large park that consists of various eateries, beaches, a playground for children, and a large pier with a little lighthouse at the end. The walk to the lighthouse is very nice, however--if you go there beware of rogue waves that cascade over the pier walls and prepare for gusty winds!

While walking on the pier my eyes began to play tricks on me because the visual sensation was akin to being near the ocean. Lake Ontario is so large that you cannot see the other side of the shoreline. The water just fades into the horizon making it appear that you are near the sea and not just a mere lake.

After spending a significant time on the pier and witnessing Khalid’s meager luck at fishing we decided to take a jaunt to The Sodus Point Lighthouse which is located on 7606 N. Ontario Street. The gardens are immaculate and obviously well preened. Many weddings have taken place at this picturesque juncture, with arbors adorned with vines and flowers, mounds of hostas, lilies, and Russian sage all strategically placed in front of the beautiful backdrop of Lake Ontario.

In addition to the beach, pier and the lighthouse there are many beautiful houses in Sodus Point. One of my favorites is a pale yellow and pink Victorian painted lady. If I ever owned a Victorian house this would be the one. I absolutely love the colors and the location. I can see myself sipping pink lemonade on the attached covered gazebo and reading a book--or blogging! It's a nice dream...

There is a beautiful B&B in Sodus Point called The Carriage House. It is a short distance from the lighthouse. I plan on scheduling a stay there for Khalid and I during a weekend in early September. A few days of peace and relaxation will be wonderful and quite necessary before we have to travel to Albany in October!

Memorial #1: Ansar Mahmood

2009-07-16T10:15:00.014-04:00

Ansar Mahmood in the Batavia Detention Facility

The Miriam-Webster online dictionary defines memorial as:

1 : serving to preserve remembrance : commemorative 2 : of or relating to memory

With this particular definition in mind I will periodically present the “memorials” of various people who have been deported by the U.S. government. Too often, the voices of these immigrants are quelled by the din of politics, concealment and flawed legalities. The only ones left to remember them are the family members and friends these immigrants have been forced to leave behind.

Memorials usually take place only when a death occurs. But in instances of deportation, holding a commemoration for these brave immigrants is appropriate—and even necessary. When a deportation takes place, the immigrant is ruthlessly ripped from the fabric of the American landscape—in silence and secrecy.

Such cruelty leaves a throbbing hole within the hearts of everyone involved. It is essential that these immigrants are not forgotten, because it is through the contemplation of memory and the awakening of regret that reclamation is facilitated.

The subject of my first memorial is an immigrant by the name of Ansar Mahmood. His story was well known in the Batavia detention facility when my husband was detained in 2004 and it was one of the first instances, other than my husband’s situation, in which I became aware of America’s war on immigrants.

Ansar was a young Pakistani who came to America as a result of winning a green card through an immigration “lottery”. The purpose of lotteries is to allow people from countries with low rates of immigration to come to the United States. The program randomly selects a few lucky winners from thousands of screened applicants who qualify for a green card.

Ansar worked hard as a pizza delivery man while he was in America and sent money regularly to his family back in Pakistan. Despite working many long hours and having little disposable income he was happy in his new homeland. He found the New York countryside to be beautiful and often took short trips to nearby picturesque destinations. Oftentimes, he took a camera along to take pictures of particularly beautiful scenes and send them back to his family in Pakistan.

It was on the recommendation of a customer that Ansar travelled to a reservoir and water treatment plant in the Hudson Valley. It was here that Ansar’s troubles began. On that day, the view was especially lovely as the sun shone brightly on the Catskill Mountains. He asked one of the guards if they could take a picture of him with the reservoir and the mountains behind him. The guard, taking note of Ansar’s accent, surmised that he was Muslim and labeled him as a possible terrorist. The guard notified the police who in turn notified immigration authorities.

He was interrogated by Federal officials who attempted to tie him to terrorist activities and accused him of plotting to poison public water supplies. After a lengthy interrogation, Federal officials had no evidence to back up their hasty allegations. However, in the aftermath of 9/11 and the resulting moral panic directed against Muslims, evidence was not necessary. They were determined to find something in Ansar’s background that warranted the deportation of a green card holder.

Officials found out that Ansar had helped a Pakistani couple find housing and obtain a car. Unbeknownst to Ansar, the couple had overstayed their VISA and was residing in the States illegally. Ansar was charged with harboring illegal aliens, which is a felony and a deportable offense.

I have no idea how they could assume that Ansar knew the couple was illegal. I know from experience that legal status is not something most immigrants are apt to disclose because they can result in stigmatization, shame and sometimes physical danger. But common sense was ignored in favor of only one goal: deporting Ansar by any means necessary.

Ansar tried to fight the deportation through the courts. He had many supporters and even a New York senator who supported him.

“It’s a disgrace,” said Senator Charles E. Schumer, who lobbied on behalf of Mr. Mahmood. “Mahood wanted to be an ideal citizen, and he’s the kind of person America should embrace. There is no reason he should be deported.”(New York Times, August 14, 2004)

None of this made any difference. He was placed on a commercial plane with two INS officials and deported to Pakistan. None of Ansar’s friends or supporters were allowed to say good-bye.

In memory of Ansar Mahmood who was deported on August 12, 2004. May he find peace and understanding wherever he may find himself—because he did not find it in The United States of America.

Sources:

http://www.chathampeace.org/old%20index%20the%20first%20web%20page%20use%20as%20back%20up.htm

http://www.redorbit.com/news/general/41654/pizza_deliveryman_hopes_to_stay_in_us/

http://www.nytimes.com/2004/08/14/nyregion/man-arrested-over-photos-after-9-11-is-deported.html

Eisbrecher

2009-07-14T22:00:00.004-04:00

EISBRECHER

My husband never ceases to amaze me. He is one of the most open-minded, easy-going and curious individuals I have ever met. He is never afraid to try new things, or listen to something different. One of the things that attracted me to him is his love of music...and not just any music but a lot of the same music I listen to. Which is nothing short of a miracle: and was a sign that we belong together-- because a substantial percentage of the music I like is obscure. Even when I was a teenager I dismissed the popular bubblegum pop of the 1980's for punk, goth, and industrial. I liked music with a strong bass line and a deep message--or at least unique or artsy. I ignored superficial musical groups that sang exclusively about sex, drugs or pick-up trucks.

I was elated and surprised when, during one of our first road trips together; I was perusing the musical selection on his i-pod and found songs by The Cure, New Order and Marillon! Only a handful of my friends have ever liked the same music I liked, and here was a man--coming from a foreign country half a world away--who liked the same tunes I did. When I inquired about his unusual musical tastes he only laughed and said, "yeah, I got into some of that music while I was in Kuwait and then even more when I was in college."

His answer caught me by surprise because I had not considered the possibility of alternative music being readily available in a country like Kuwait. My ignorance about the world had made me believe that this type of music would only be enjoyed by people in so-called "progressive" Western countries. I was quite happy to have been proven wrong--and that doesn't happen too often! (a-hem...meaning that I am not often happy about being proven wrong. I did not mean that I am seldom proven wrong. Unfortunately, being incorrect is something that happens to me almost daily. Welcome to the human condition!)

Even now, as a 41 year old, I am still "hip" and love to discover the latest musical groups and genres. (Of course using the term "hip" probably proves that I am not!) Recently I have discovered a love for Hindi and Bollywood music. Khalid was so surprised once day when he came home to find me grooving to some new Hindi song. He asked me if I understood any of the lyrics. I regretfully replied: "No. But you don't have to understand the lyrics in order to enjoy the music."

I am also a big fan of the Scandinavian/German symphonic rock scene. Symphonic rock can be described as a fusion between progressive metal and classical music. I realize that these seem like two incompatible musical styles but it actually works quite well. The arrangements are complex, intricate and much more unique then standard rock songs. There is a magical fusion within the symphonic genre because there exists a contrast between the aggressive "masculine" rhythm of the instruments and the beautiful female soprano vocals. Some of the best soprano voices can be heard within symphonic metal: including Liv Kristine of Leave's Eyes, Sharon Den Adel of Within Temptation, Charlotte Wessels of Delain, Sabine Edelsbacher of Edenbridge and Tarja Turunen, formally of the band Nightwish. Every time I listen to them I get shivers down my spine.

Luckily, most of these bands my husband appreciates as well. He likes a lot of songs by Within Temptation and Delain, and even some of the songs by Leave's Eyes. But I was surprised when he commented about a song I played by one of the new bands I discovered by the name of Eisbrecher.

What some people don't know (unless they are a new music fiend like I am) is that Germany is currently one of the most prolific areas for alternative rock music. The music scene has exploded there and many German musical groups are gaining large followings of fans all over the world. Some of them sing in English (like Edenbridge and Xandria) but some-- thankfully sing in their native tongue.

One such band is called Eisbrecher, which in English can be translated as "ice breaker" although I imagine, pronounced slightly differently--maybe "icebricker?" (Ok--well..I don't have to pronounce it correctly to appreciate it.) They are categorized as an industrial band with a hard edge, electronic sound and aggressive beat. Very danceable music..the kind you would hear in a trendy club. The male singer has one of the deepest Bass vocals I have ever heard.

I had played a few of their songs for Khalid and he expressed an liking for them and asked who the band was. I told him and he said he had never heard of them before.I explained that they were from Germany and had just stated to become popular in the States. He liked them so much that the next time I perused his i-pod, he had bought and downloaded some of their songs.

Just to be a wise guy I asked him "Do you understand any of the lyrics?"

He sheepishly smiled at me and replied "No. But you don't have to understand the words to appreciate the music."

Smart alec.....

Casting the first stone...and the second..and the third..

2009-07-13T18:00:00.001-04:00

I like Barack Obama. I voted for him and watched the entire inauguration with tears in my eyes and hope within my heart: like millions of other Americans. But recently, I've become concerned about a reoccurring tendency of Obama to lecture other countries about human rights violations, injustice, and torture despite the fact that these vices are common and sanctioned within contemporary American politics. Normally, this wouldn't concern me because this is common political propaganda. But--somehow, all of this self-righteous posturing feels more problematic when coming from the mouth of Barack: a man whose idealistic underpinnings seem sincere. Honestly, before we start criticizing other countries for their intolerance, their injustice, their human rights violations we need to do some serious soul-searching right here at home.

All of this has arisen from the recent Presidential trip to Ghana and the resulting plethora of speech transcripts available on the Internet. I read the following which got my brain shifted into overdrive:

http://swampland.blogs.time.com/2009/07/11/barack-obamas-speech-to-africa/

Although Barack was his usual articulate and pragmatic self, I feel there was one particular section that struck me as particularly vexing:

"You have the power to hold your leaders accountable, and to build institutions that serve the people."

Wow! How about holding our leaders accountable for their actions and start building institutions that serve the people here in the United States rather than intricate bureaucracies that pander to wealthy corporations? Once we have a handle on those noble aspirations then we can rightfully preach to other countries.

Additionally, our former high ideals and priorities as an egalitarian American "democracy" have been lost. Hope and empathy have been replaced by fear and hatred. This can be seen in the recent change in the allotment of national capital. Money that used to be spent on public services: including rehabilitation programs, education and training, financial assistance for low income individuals, and various social programs too numerous to mention, have now been redistributed into programs centered around militarization, security concerns, retribution and punishment. These programs include the ever expanding and profit-centered industrial prison complex, the immigration system that has abandoned any of the previous humanitarian concerns it once had in favor of the criminalization and the deportation of immigrants by the millions, and the oppressive, inefficient and secretive Department of Homeland Security.

How does the "possible" threat of public welfare via terrorism trump the "existing" threats of poverty, disease and marginalization that are a reality for a large percentage of the overall population?

In regards to injustice, I read the following article at the suggestion of one of my friends on Facebook. It is the most obvious example of American injustice I have recently come across. Coincidentally, the victim of this story is Eric Frimpong, a Ghana immigrant and former soccer star who has been accused and convicted of rape. Interestingly enough, he was convicted without ANY physical evidence. How is this possible? The most likely explanation involves the current wave of racism and xenophobia that has gripped the nation. Please read the following ESPN article:

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/news/story?

One of the most poignant sections of the article were contained in the following quote:

“If his supporters could chime in now, they'd say that the kid in the prison garb has never spoken an unkind word or acted aggressively toward anyone. They would remind the court of the points made at trial: that his accuser was a woman with little memory of what happened that night because of a near-toxic blood alcohol level; that Frimpong's DNA wasn't found on the victim; that semen found on her underwear belonged to a jealous boyfriend, a white student who was never a suspect. They would argue that overzealous law enforcement was determined to nail a high-profile athlete, facts be damned, and that this was the Duke lacrosse case all over again -- except that the defendants in the Duke case were white men from affluent families with the means to navigate America's justice system, unlike Frimpong, who is poor and an immigrant.”

Injustice, torture and human rights violations happen right here in America. We cannot have an authentic dialogue with other nations about injustice, torture or human rights violations unless we actively seek to illuminate and correct transgressions within our own borders or jurisdiction. Until we acknowledge and stop the torture tactics we have used on prisoner's overseas, or immigrants housed unconstitutionally in detention centers across the nation we cannot lecture other nations on their brutalization. Until we identify injustice and racism within our own judicial system we have no right to condemn other culture's for their injustice. We cannot in good conscience express disdain for another nation's human rights violations until we cease militarized aggressions overseas or the systematic marginalization, torture or the denial of basic constitutional rights to immigrants on our shores.

Here is another quote from the article on Eric Frimpong. The speaker is the Caucasian surrogate mother who was sponsoring Eric's stay in America:

"Eric believed in our system," she says. "He believed justice would prevail."

My husband said exactly the same thing to me just before his 2nd circuit court hearing

Shame and hypocrisy

2009-07-11T15:05:00.007-04:00

There are a number of English words that I hate. For obvious reasons, "deportation" is one of those words. I also dislike the words "racism", "misogyny", "war" and "access". I'm sure its obvious why I hate the first three words, However, you are probably stymied by the word "access". Why would someone hate the word access? It's quite simple , I use the word fifty times a week in my job at the library, and can never remember how to spell it. I wrote it three times in this paragraph and spelled it wrong all three times. Thank Heaven's for spell check!

But there's another word that tops my list for the most distasteful -- and that is "shame". Shame and I have an intimate relationship. There was a lot of emphasis on "perfection" in the household I grew up in. There was a clear and distinct "wrong way" to do something and a "right way". This affected every activity from talking to an elder, washing the dishes and mowing the lawn. Something was right or it was wrong. Grey areas did not exist. I was always left guessing as how to do things the "right" way. Some things were easy to figure out, such as: don't hit anyone, don't pull the cat's tail, don't touch the stove, etc. But the "indistincts"-- the situations that are predominantly detached from moral or safety considerations and can be approached in a myriad of creative ways--those are the situations that perplexed me and caused me to feel shame. It also didn't help that the correct ways were always in a state of flux.

On the other hand, my parents seemed to know the absolute correct way to handle these situations and oftentimes I got the impression that I handled them the wrong way. The idea that dominated my household was if one veered even slightly from the true and correct path than disaster was imminent.

I do not think that my household was unusual in this strive for perfection. The idea of perfection and piousness is intricately woven into the fabric of American life. Blame our Puritan beginnings if you need an explanation. However, there is an inherent contradiction to all this perfection seeking. Far too often, this perfection and righteousness is only reserved for certain segments of the population.The wealthy and powerful are exempt from these intrusive and stifling restriction as they are free to exploit, demean and oppress millions of people all over the world, while poor, working class and minority populations are forced to conform to a unrealistic conception of morality and perfection.

I witness my husband struggling to deal with the negative affects of shame because of the immigration nightmare he is immersed in. The excessive conviction, not being familiar with American laws, the time spent in detention, and the deportation mandate are all factors that have caused shame. My husband has dealt with this emotion in a positive manner and has never allowed himself to wallow in self-pity, place blame or get angry.

But shame can work in insidious ways within the human psyche and no mater how constructively you think you are handling it it can become unhealthy. Early on, my husband and I had adapted to this shame by withdrawing: withdrawing from family and friends-- in an attempt to mask it . If we don't talk about, don't admit what’s going on we can forget it. But, it doesn't work this way.

Both my husband and I are extremely private people. Not because we have something to hide, but because that is how we were brought up and how our brains are wired. We are both devote introverts and absolutely abhor being the center of attention. So, its quite ironic that we should both be at the apex of an immigration judicial case that has caused a certain amount of controversy and frustration for the U.S. government. I oftentimes catch myself thinking about how often our names have come up within the bolted doors of Homeland Security, a senator's office or even possibly the Oval office --and shudder. There resides nothing within my -- my husband's personality or lifestyle that should have elicited such attention. Regardless of whether we wanted it or not--deserved it or not, we have the attention of Homeland Security.

Eventually, I grew tired of being rendered mute, frozen in shame and decided to speak about it: at work, at immigration conferences, with friends and with anyone who would listen. I even got over my substantial fear of public speaking and starting talking about it in college classrooms and conferences. In the beginning; my goal was distinct: to educate people about the current wave of xenophobia that is sweeping the nation and obtain some help for my husband.

But recently it has shifted slightly. Although I still want to educate people and encourage people to support immigration reform; while also helping my husband, I also feel the necessity to silence the shame that hovers menacingly in the background of our lives.

According to the U.S. immigration judicial system, the night my husband was threatened in 1993 he should have collapsed passively to the asphalt and let the individuals who menacingly approached him hit and beat and perhaps even kill him. This, in their eyes, would have been the "correct" and "righteous" solution to my husband's situation. This is nonsense. The natural reaction of any human to a life threatening situation is self preservation and individuals thus threatened will find any way to survive.

But, according to the U.S. government, apparently minorities and immigrants aren't granted this right.

Should my husband feel ashamed about what he did that night. Shame...no not at all. Maybe regret...but not shame. He did what he needed to do in order to survive. Should the U.S. government feel shame regarding the horrible way they have treated my husband? Absolutely-- without hesitation-- and don't waste a minute.

By the way-- another English word I despise is the word "hypocrisy".

The Perfect Immigrant

2009-07-08T22:41:00.003-04:00

My grandfather was an immigrant. His name was Garnet Higgins and he was an important man. Of course, important is a relative word. To be specific--he was an important man within the confines of the little town of Sauquoit, New York and the surrounding rural area. You see, he was the only doctor within miles who still made house calls. A doctor who made house calls well into the 1960's was a rarity, much like a precious jewel—hence the name Garnet. In addition, he was one of the few doctors who tended to the poor immigrants, farmers and disabled in the area; regularly accepting produce, eggs and the occasional chicken as "payment" for his services. As a young girl, my mother fondly remembers seeing stacks of food piled behind the pantry doors, given in appreciation for services my grandfather provided.

Even today, when I mention my grandfather’s name in a large group of elderly people there are inevitably some who remember him and speak of him fondly. Just by being his granddaughter my social prestige is elevated within any group that recalls his name. It is astounding to me, that 42 years after his death, people still remember him vividly and describe him as a kindhearted, respectful, unselfish and elegant gentleman.

But there was a dark side to my grandfather. Despite being a personable, kind, and a capable doctor, he was also an alcoholic. He never drank while he was working, but after a long day of taking care of anxious mothers, colicky babies, the abused, infirm and chronically ill, he would seek sanctuary within the walls of a local bar. Sometimes he would not come home to his wife and three daughters until late at night when everyone was asleep.

Why did he turn to alcohol? I have no clear answers. Obviously, it wasn't something the family was interested in exploring. Alcoholism, along with a host of other personal vices, is veiled behind the facade of polite society. Perhaps he was trying to blunt the dissatisfaction he felt for a career he had no passion for. His parents wanted him to go to medical school, but Garnet wanted to do something more creative. By all accounts, he was an accomplished classical pianist. He had dreams of touring the world and playing his beloved music in front of appreciative audiences, celebrities and world leaders. Unfortunately, his parents thought such an aspiration was impractical and coerced him into going to medical school in the United States.

Maybe he was unhappy in his home life. After taking care of numerous people in the community maybe it was just too much to come home and deal with the needs of a demanding wife and three young daughters. There are a million possible reasons for alcoholism.

Although my grandfather was a good man and a productive member of the community-- he was not perfect. No one is. Each of us have done reckless, stupid, immoral and hurtful things or had to make tough choices that go against the mores of society. However, within this contemporary rhetoric about immigration reform there is a lot of talk about what kind of immigrants deserve to become a part of American life. Unfortunately, this definition is a narrow one and not many immigrants—or even American citizens-- would fit into.

These "perfect immigrants" are illusory constructs. They do not exist. No immigrant is free of "complications". An immigrant's life is a series of vulnerabilities, hardships and marginalization. These are intensified if the immigrant has dark skin, speaks a different language, or comes from a non-European culture. In order to survive and provide for their families some immigrants are forced to make hard decisions that put them at odds with the law: laws that are unnecessarily harsh, oftentimes arbitrary and always contradictory. This includes immigrants who cross the border in order to make a living wage, are compelled to join their relatives in the States without inspection or asylum seekers who buy forged documents to enter the United States-- because if they used their own identities the government’s they are fleeing from would likely catch, imprison and kill them. All of these instances are considered crimes within the U.S. immigration judicial system and considered deportable offenses regardless of any mitigating circumstances.

Based on these stringent guidelines, it is quite possible that if my grandfather lived in today’s American society he would be considered an imperfect immigrant and would be deported. All the good he did as a physician, all the positive works he did in the community would be rendered irrelevant. Instead of being an important and intregal member of American society, he would have become disposable.

What all this means for us...

2009-07-07T21:00:00.010-04:00

As a result of this legal labyrinth my husband is considered inadmissible which means he is unable to adjust his status to legal permanent resident. Even though he is not deportable based on the conviction, through the stealthy flick of a magic wand the immigration judge determined he was deportable based on his VISA overstay. That is what his deportation mandate says: "deportable due to overstay violation." He can't rectify his VISA overstay because he is inadmissible based on his "crime" (i.e attempt at self preservation) which is considered a "particularly serious crime". It goes around in a circle: overstay----particularly serious crime---denied asylum---inadmissible---can't adjust status--overstay, etc: with no way to get out of the loop.

I recently spoke to a reporter from California who was flabbergasted that he was being deported based on an overstay violation yet he was married to an American citizen. Apparently, she is familiar with a lot of Mexican immigrant cases in which the individuals had overstayed their VISA's but had been allowed to stay because they are married to U.S. citizens. I had no explanations for her, other than the circle metaphor I wrote about in the previous paragraph.

She kept asking if he had ever left the United States and tried to re-enter without inspection. I told her "no" at least three times. And then she couldn't believe that he was being deported based on overstay and not on the conviction. I explained to her that the one conviction of reckless endangerment is not a deportable offense. I told her I would be happy to send copies of official documents that corroborate what I was saying. At the end of the conversation she said that his case is unlike any she has ever encountered and that basically it was too complicated for her but she would pass the story onto a co-worker in New York.

The honest truth about Khalid's situation is it has not followed any predictable or standard format for immigration cases. I believe the reason for this is because he is Muslim and has dark skin. I have done enough research and read enough books to confirm my hypothesis. Despite the experiences of the reporter in California, there are numerous cases of Muslim men, married to American citizens, who have been deported based on overstay alone. Oftentimes, the man has not overstayed and is a legal permanent resident, or has a green card pending but is deported anyway. There is a documentary entitled Out of Status that outlines just such a case. If you can get it I recommend viewing it--it will knock your socks off.

Khalid was simply at the wrong place (U.S.) at the wrong time (2001)and was caught up in the moral panic that ensued against Muslims shortly after 9/11. Based on his name, where he came from and his religion--and not on who he actually was-- he was labelled as a possible terrorist. When Homeland Security found out otherwise it was too late. The damage had been done, too many mistakes had already been made and the case had gone too far for them to admit they were wrong. The cards were stacked against Khalid the first time he went before an immigration judge. Once he was deemed deportable it did not matter how much money Khalid spent or what his lawyers said or tried to undue, he would never be able to shake that horrible label.

As far as lawyers go, they have been impotent at best. I honestly don't think most immigration lawyers have the knowledge or appropriate experience to deal with a case as complex as Khalid's. We have been told different things from different lawyers on what Khalid's status as inadmissible means. Some have told us that he cannot file his waivers or the paperwork that would allow him to adjust his status to that of legal permanent resident here in the United States. Instead, he would have to travel to India and file the paperwork with the Indian consulate. Then the State department would have the option of denying it and making Khalid wait another 1-3 years.

Yet, another lawyer said that because Homeland Security misplaced his passports he does have the option of filing for an adjustment of status. But it would be a long shot. A better option would be to hire a lawyer to overturn the conviction. Of course, this would require excessive amounts of money, that honestly, we just don't have.

Another possibility; and by the way, this is not coming from a lawyer but rather a personal suspicion (not unreasonable in light of how difficult my husband's case has been): the State department could refuse to let him back in the country at all. This is despite the fact that he qualifies for a waiver stating he is eligible because it has been over 15 years since the conviction. Mercy, do the complications ever end???

The few positive aspects of all this include the following: Khalid came to the States legally, has a social security number, a work permit, has been paying taxes, plus he’s married to a U.S. citizen. This should work in our favor! Because of these factors he should not be barred from re-entering the normal 10-20 years undocumented immigrants normally are(immigrants who enter without papers and/or without inspection). But then again—his case has not followed standard procedures: so it is nearly impossible to predict what will happen.

So..what does this all mean for us? We are kept guessing at what our future holds. We cannot make plans to buy a house or have a family. We have to show up at Homeland Security at intervals of time, scheduled at their discretion. It could be monthly or every three months. We cannot go away on vacation outside of New York for more than 3 days without notifying Homeland Security. It's possible our phones are being monitored. We are living in a soft cage--but a cage none-the-less. In essence, what all this means is we cannot really plan our future because we don't know if we have one.

Khalid's Life: Part II

2009-07-07T18:00:00.003-04:00

When Iraq invaded Kuwait on August 2, 1990, Khalid’s family fled their home and left everything behind. Family members scattered to various countries seeking safety. One sister eventually went back to Kuwait after several years only to find the family’s home destroyed by heavy Iraqi artillery.

As a result of the war his father had lost his job and could no longer finance Khalid’s education. Consequently, Khalid was left without a homeland to return to and the grim prospect of dropping out of college to fend for himself as best he could. His father, fearing for his son’s safety, encouraged Khalid to stay in the United States, at least until there was a stable home to return to. That time never came.

In 1991 he moved from Oklahoma to Utica, New York. While in Utica, he obtained employment as a taxi driver. However, Khalid soon realized that working as a taxi driver in Utica in the early 1990’s was a hazardous profession. Many taxi drivers were assaulted and robbed and there was at least one documented fatality.
At 12:30 on a summer night in 1993, while filling out some paperwork in his cab, he was threatened by four individuals: individuals that Khalid felt meant him physical harm.

In order to defend himself he shot a gun into the air. Unfortunately, Khalid was only familiar with Oklahoma’s permissive gun laws and was not aware that New York state required guns to be registered. Regardless, his intention was never to hurt anyone; he merely wanted to scare them away. Indeed, no one was hurt, nor was any property damaged. The police report confirms that he was approached and harassed by a group of people-- two of whom had previous convictions. Ultimately, this information was disregarded but significance was attached to the firing of an unregistered gun.

He fully cooperated with the police but despite this he was arrested and taken into custody. When the District Attorney agreed to lower the charges to 3rd degree reckless endangerment, a minor infraction that did not result in jail time, but the presiding judge refused to take the plea. Thankfully, the gun violation was dropped but my husband was charged with 1st degree reckless endangerment. He served 4 months of his 6 month sentence due to good behavior.

After his release, Khalid was looking forward to putting the conviction behind him. Unfortunately, fate had other plans. After 9/11, fear seeped into the dark crevices in American’s psyches and secured its predatory talons into our quaking flesh. Consequently, many Americans concluded if a few extremists can be callous enough to take innocent lives, than by extension, all Muslims must be dangerous. Unfortunately, this is an assumption based on fear and ignorance and has been exploited by American leaders to expand their own Imperialistic agenda, and is not based on empirical fact.

In retribution, the United States government began a systematic and intense operative in removing Muslim and Arab immigrants from this country. Although many were in the United States illegally, the assault was also felt by legal immigrants and even U.S. citizens with Muslim and Arab backgrounds.

In 2001, my husband was unmarried, Muslim and had residential ties to Kuwait: one of the flagged countries suspected of housing terrorists. As a result of these factors and his electronic expertise, Khalid fit the profile the U.S. government implemented for identifying suspected terrorists.

After 2001, Khalid became immersed in a legal immigration nightmare. The judge presiding over Khalid’s original immigration case determined that he was deportable based on his one conviction of reckless endangerment. If reckless endangerment was considered an aggravated felony than the judge would have been correct. However, reckless endangerment is considered a crime of moral turpitude. In order for a crime of moral turpitude to be considered a deportable crime, the individual in question would have to commit one crime of moral turpitude within five years of arriving in the States or-- failing to qualify in that regards-- would need to commit two crimes of moral turpitude. My husband’s situation did not qualify as deportable based on these criteria.

Consequently, my husband remanded this decision to the Board of Immigration Appeals. The BIA agreed that the one crime of moral turpitude is not deportable. Additionally, they determined that he was eligible for asylum, a form of relief the immigration judge denied him-- unless his crime was considered a particularly serious crime. Subsequently, the immigration judge proclaimed that Khalid’s crime was a particularly serious crime and therefore, he was denied asylum and considered deportable.

Once again, Khalid appealed the decision to the BIA. They agreed it was a particularly serious crime, which denied him asylum, but did not concur deportability based on the conviction. Despite the BIA’s reluctance in issuing a deportation mandate, my husband was apprehended at his home in 2003 and deposited in a detention facility in Batavia New York. He languished in detention for over eight months, despite having legal papers, a valid passport and repeatedly imploring the detention officers to return him to India. During this unconstitutional imprisonment, Khalid lost his livelihood, his freedom and his house.

To digress to legal explanations, the usage of the term “particularly serious crime” is predominately an ambiguous designation. An unfortunate consequence of the 2nd circuit decision in my husband’s case is the ability of immigration judges to apply this designation to any conviction, even without evidence of violence, criminal intent or premeditation. Although this law could be applied to any immigrant, it was most often utilized against Muslims and Arabs.

Indeed, this tendency to single out this particular ethnic population continued in the passing of other security measures including the absconder apprehension initiative, and the Muslim immigrant registration process. The Migration Policy Institute conducted a survey of Muslims detained after 9/11 entitled: America’s Challenge: Domestic Security, Civil Liberties and National Unity after September 11th. They found the overall deportations of Muslims increased substantially in the years following the tragedy of 9/11.

Fears of deportations and the implementation of ethnic specific laws effectively alienated most Muslims from their communities and severely restricted their lives. The report explains in the following excerpt:

“As a general immigration enforcement measure, the absconder apprehension initiative is legitimate and important. However, after September 11 the government changed the character of the program to make it nationality-specific. This has marginal security benefits, while further equating national origin with dangerousness, although stepped-up absconder apprehension efforts are eventually to encompass all nationalities, this has not happened so far.”

There is no indication that any of the men who were deterred at detention centers were actually a menace to American society. The majority of detainees were non-violent, had family ties in the States and had been residents for a considerable amount of time. They do not fit the established profile of a real terrorist. As the report discusses:

“Most importantly, from our research it appears that the government’s major successes in apprehending terrorists have not come from post-September 11 detentions but from other efforts such as international intelligence initiatives, law enforcement cooperation, and information provided by arrests made abroad. A few noncitizens detained after September 11 have been characterized as terrorists, but the charges brought against them were actually for routine immigration violations or unrelated crimes.”

The actual result of these measures has not resulted in a safer country. Instead, we have created a society that is alienated, fragmented and unnecessarily fearful and distrustful of each other. Rather than safety, these legal statutes have resulted in instability and the eradication of numerous personal liberties. The Migration Policy Institute explains:

“The government’s use of immigration law as a primary means of fighting terrorism has substantially diminished civil liberties and stigmatized Arab- and Muslim-American communities in this country. These measures, which were primarily targeted at Muslims, have diminished the openness of U.S. society and eroded national unity.”

The problem with this stigmatization is that people operate under the illusion that it is easy to identify the enemy. The underlying assumption remains: If Muslims are inherently evil and are easy to identify, with their conspicuous facial hair and strange clothing; it will be easy to banish them from our country. Only then will we be safe. This sounds eerily familiar. In times of crises, many civilizations have implemented similar magical and dangerous thinking.

One does not need to go far back into America’s history to find such an example. Consider, for instance, the practice of sending thousands of Japanese-Americans to internment camps during World War II. Now, after years of reflection, most Americans would agree this was not the right thing to do. In fact, many Japanese interned were later awarded monetary compensation as a symbol of America’s regret.

We’ve deluded ourselves into thinking that evil dons a readily identifiable mask. Evil doers wear peculiar clothing and speak strange languages. We don’t want to admit that evil is elusive. We want comfort in an uncertain world so we concoct a fictional reality where we can identify “the other” as the cause of our suffering and uncertainty. As long as our attention is exclusively occupied by eradicating this evil then we don’t have to look at the reality before us. Evil dons many masks and unlike humans, it does not discriminate.

Khalid's Early Life

2009-07-06T18:45:00.004-04:00

My husband does not speak often about his life before arriving in the United States. Although I shouldn't speak for him-- I surmise that life was rough for his family for various reasons. They were Indian immigrants residing in an alien Arabic landscape with different customs, language and religious observations. Even though they were Muslim (except for his mother who was Christian)I'm sure the interpretation of Islam was slightly different in India then in a traditional Arabic nation. Such circumstances can make a person--or family-- feel vulnerable, alone and anxious.

Additionally, Khalid expresses a certain amount of detachment from his Mother and Father--partly as a result of the forced separation and also based on his upbringing. His father was a stern man and believed in bringing his children up with a strict interpretation of Islam. Khalid was forced to don a professional, pious attitude at all times, even wearing a suit to school and attending prayer the required 5 times per day--every day.

His mother was a traditional Indian woman who probably had far too much to do; after taking care of six children and a husband-- then to focus too much attention exclusively on her 2nd oldest child.

Please understand--I am in no way expressing any disdain for Islam as a belief-system. Islam is a peace-loving religion and I have had the privilege of befriending many lovely Muslim people. I have respect for Islam as well as Christianity and Judaism--even though I choose to worship differently.

To get back to the main point...Khalid left India at the age of six and relocated with his family to Kuwait City, Kuwait. His father was a civil engineer who found ample employment in Kuwait as a result of the fledgling oil industry. With his father's new found success the family was able to afford a comfortable home, a large American made car and other small luxuries. Luxuries that would not have been obtainable in India

For an intelligent and academically-minded youngster like Khalid, the household was too chaotic for doing any sustained studying, so he would go next door to one of the empty company sponsored homes, sneak in and complete his homework in refreshing silence.

He showed an early aptitude for electronic tinkering. Khalid often relates the story of one of the first times he showed such an aptitude: an instance that got him into a lot of trouble with his father. Sometime in the early 1980's, when boom boxes were at their peak of popularity, his father proudly purchased an advanced specimen and presented it to his excited family. Khalid was completely mesmerized by the electronic device, so when his father was occupied elsewhere, Khalid took it--and dismantled it in an effort to figure out how it worked. Unfortunately, his electronic expertise was unrefined at this juncture and he was unable to put it back in working order. Obviously, his father was just a tad unhappy when he came home to see his precious music player in disarray.

When Khalid turned 18, he applied to various American universities for electrical engineering. Out of the three that accepted him, his father encouraged him to attend Oklahoma State University because the city had a cohesive and substantial Muslim community. He secured a student VISA and arrived in Oklahoma in 1987. After acclimating to the culture of an American university he obtained good grades and found a supportive community. He was planning on spending four years in the States and then upon securing his degree, return to Kuwait and exercise his new found skills. Unfortunately, due to various circumstances, that were completely out of his control, Khalid's plans went awry. More on this in a subsequent post.

A True-Blue American

2009-07-04T10:03:00.011-04:00

Khalid and I spent a wonderful Fourth of July at Pierre and Donna's house, eating hot dogs and hamburgers, sipping homemade concord grape wine, socializing with great people and simply relaxing after a stressful week. We met a lovely couple, Lorraine and Lee, and Lorraine gave me advice on how to get my art shown in a gallery. She is a successful local artist and her work is shown in art venues across the state. Her genre is fabric art, and is comprised of a painted canvas background and intricate dimensional embroidery of various flowers. She gave me her business card and on the back of it was a copy of one of her pieces: a beautiful rose-colored hollyhock.

Later on, we drove to the Syracuse Fairgrounds to watch the fireworks. They were supposed to start at dusk but for some unfathomable reason did not commence until 9:50. It was unusually cold for a July evening in Central New York, 40 degrees to be exact-- and while I was sitting in a new-- not particularly comfortable transportable chair I berated myself for failing to grab a sweater or blanket on the way out this morning.

Shivering and rocking back and forth to keep myself warm I had ample time to chide myself for my stupidity. While I was watching the hoards of people barbecuing hot dogs, eating ice cream, waving magical sparklers in the air-- and listening to a mother scolding her child for wandering away,-- and doing all those things that are traditional for a July 4th celebration, I wondered what it takes in contemporary society to be considered a true blue, patriotic American and whether I could fit into that narrow definition.

It's easy to know how to be a true-blue American on the 4th of July. It's all spelled out for us. We BBQ, picnic, eat hot dogs and hamburgers, sip lemonade and basically gorge ourselves until the buttons on our shirts pop off. Then we gather our family and friends together and pile in trucks and drive to the best fireworks display in the area.

But when the smoke has dissipated from the ink hued sky, and the last blaze of fiery, reflected color has faded from the iris of a sleeping child; what does a true-blue American do?

Television does a good job of illustrating what is expected of us as it broadcasts American culture and the iconic American dream 24 hours a day; seven days a week. Commercials and the pandering of politicians tell us our most sacred duty as an American is to shop and keep quiet. Put everything on credit and bolster the sagging economy. Shop until you drop-- but don't ask too many questions and, most definitely, don't be critical of the government. We distract ourselves by buying new cars built with cheap parts, large elaborate homes constructed on sink holes--and buy the latest technological gadget at exorbitant prices. Do all this and more--put yourself into piles of critical debt-- but don't draw attention to corporate corruption and the political system that supports it.

And when everything inevitably goes down in flames and the economy is in shambles-- make sure that blame falls on the victims: the Americans who bought into the American dream that has turned into the American nightmare. Blame the poor people who wanted to provide a safe roof for their children, or the young man who borrowed money to keep his fragile business afloat as larger corporations invaded his territory and lured his customers away with promises of the good life for a cheap price. Blame the old people who have to choose between buying food, heat or costly medicine. By no means should you hold the greedy politicians or corporation's accountable. And even if you do, for Heaven's sake, be polite and obedient and don't talk about it.

Maybe I am a relic of the rebellion and social consciousness of the 1960's--after all--I was born in the late sixties and some of the "hippie" essence must have rubbed off on me. But I can't help but feel there is more to being a patriotic American than ascribing to consumerism, passivity or fervent individualism. Somehow, I feel less patriotic--less true-blue-- by admitting that.

When did greed become a trait to aspire to and how exactly did it become good for our economy? America is still predominately a Christian nation therefore I assume that greed is still considered one of the seven deadly sins. I ask this because I read a comment in a discussion group glorifying the virtue of greed and how it single handedly pushed this nation into greatness. Without greed, the argument went, this nation would never had become the superpower it is today. I disagree, I believe that it was ambition that forged this nation. But ambition, without foresight and restraint, becomes destructive and turns to greed.

Am I true-blue American? If I compare myself to some people's notion of what a true-blue American is, probably not. I have a strong tendency towards social and political criticism and don't mind letting my revolutionary thoughts known when the appropriate occasion arises. However, I also believe in community building, helping your neighbor, working for social justice and treating everyone, regardless of rank, color, or culture with dignity and respect. In my heart--that is being a true-blue, patriotic American.

Inside the Dragon's Lair--Part 1

2009-07-01T22:11:00.003-04:00

Slithering in between the tangles of blackthorn and ivy, my husband and I stealthily picked our way through the dense bushes lining the medieval fortress that lay just outside the castle gates. The old gnarly witch in the Obsidian Forest told us Ashcroft Castle was protected by an powerful magic and no one could gain entrance without the purple crystal key. The key was buried underneath Pan's statue which was located near Wygham Lake in the furthest eastern corner of the kingdom. Our goal was to retrieve the key and journey to Ashcroft Castle; find a doorway in the fortress marked with a rune called raido: a symbol that approximates the look of a letter "r" with a slightly askew leg on one end. It was here that my husband could find an ancient document that would finally grant him his freedom.

Finding the purple crystal key was relatively easy, except for the few ornery trolls we had put to sleep with a tranquility spell. Trolls aren't easily susceptible to serenity and it took our combined efforts along with a sharp hit on the noggin of one particularly difficult troll to ensure the entire group got it's fair share of tranquility.

However, trying to find the doorway with the rune mark was particularly difficult. We had circled the entire fortress and had not discovered the necessary doorway. They all looked the same: plain withered planks of splintered wood with an odd diamond shaped keyhole.

The only protection that was offered to us was the dense brush of blackthorn and we often had to jump quickly back into those thorny bushes when the King's Brigade came by. Once they marched a safe distance away we ran to the next nearest door. I quickly pulled the crystal key from a pocket deep in my bronze cloak. There wasn't a discernible mark on the expanse of the door but I tried to fit the key in the lock anyway and was amazed when both the key and the lock eerily metamorphosed shape into the mark of the rune. The knob turned and we carefully pushed the door open.

A magnificent garden greeted our tired and surprised eyes. I had to blink multiple times before my eyes could adjust to the penetrating golden light and the flurry of color. It was unlike any garden I had seen: filled with meandering plants of such girth and height that obscured every object in the garden with a thousand flourishes of unusual blooms. In the middle of the courtyard there was a glittering gold fountain and torrents of silvery liquid that cascaded over multi layered tiers of stone chiseled seashells.

On either side of the fountain, approximately 1000 feet apart, stood two massive black gargoyle sculptures with terrifying grimaces and large, slightly oblong ears that diminished to long, curled tips at the ends. Their sleek and massive wings stood immobile but partially unfurled on either side as their twisted and slick talons held a stone sphere cruelly in each paw. I looked at them in fascination for a few minutes and then slowly turned to catch my husband's gaze. But as my head started to turn I could have sworn my eyes registered some movement in my peripheral vision. I quickly turned back to look at the statue but it was completely still. Bemused I was about to say something to my husband when I heard him say: "Beth, get behind me."

My head snapped quickly back to my husband. The alarm in his voice was initiated by an animated gargoyle towering over my husband in a predatory stance. He was about four feet away from him, close enough for the monster's breathe to move the hair on my husband's head.

A loud growl ensued from a different direction and I swiveled my head to the left and gazed in horror at the visage of the other gargoyle. He was no longer perched benignly on the marble pedestal but was instead flapping his wings passionately and focusing his red eyes intently in my direction. From a distance, I heard the deep, evil cry of the other gargoyle, but I could not turn my attention from the monster in front of me. I gripped the spear at my side and raised it slowly. I took a quick step forward but the gargoyle was quicker and knocked the spear out of my hands with his long snout.

I deftly dodged the flap of his massive left wing and took cover under the billowy leaves of a willow tree. I had to get my spear back-- and fast. The stupid beast was not aware of my hiding place and seemed to be looking for me on the dense bushes of blackthorn. I ran out from under the cover of the willow and grabbed my spear. The gargoyle turned in pursuit. As it lunged for me I raised the spear and threw it right into the monster's heart. The creature stumbled, stopped and then collapsed-- all the while snorting and thrashing to the ground.

I turned and looked for my husband. The other beast had also collapsed to the ground but I could not find my husband. I called for him but heard nothing in return. After what seemed to be an eternity I finally heard the muffled voice of my husband. I ran to where the sound came from. I saw my husband's hand peaking out from under the wing of the massive beast. Grunting with the effort, I lifted the wing just enough for my husband to crawl out.

"That was a close one", he said as he wiped the sweat from his forehead. He grinned sheepishly and added, "After this-- the rest should be a piece of cake."

From behind us we heard the loudest shriek we have ever heard in our lives. It sounded like a cross between an eagle, a lion and the wail of a colicky baby. The ground shook with the massive creature's substantial weight. We turned quickly to see the body of a gargantuan iridescent green dragon looking at us with a gaze of pure hatred.

I was frozen in fear and the only thought that came clearly to mind was that it wasn't going to be all that easy to gain my husband's freedom.

Ok..time for some truth-telling: the trip to Homeland Security wasn't quite as bad as the former story. However, the drama queen in me couldn't help embellishing the real story a trifle. And of course--I'm sure you have surmised already-- Khalid was safely returned home.Otherwise, I wouldn't have been up for such story-telling. In all honesty, this whole situation seems surreal and much like a fantasy novel: with unseen enemies, surprises, miracles and hazardous journeys. So the fantasy story seemed strangely appropriate.

Indeed, the trip went well. We were only kept waiting for about 20 minutes--a record. Usually we are there for three hours or more. Khalid's Deportation Officer was very nice and congenial. She told us there were no new developments and to come back in three months. There were no trolls, no gargoyles and no dragon. There was also no freedom for my husband either.....so at least that part was true!

Senseless

2009-06-30T22:00:00.005-04:00

The word senseless has flickered through my mind during this whole immigration ordeal. Although it is completely pointless I keep trying to determine why Homeland Security is adamant about deporting my husband. What is the advantage of spending thousands of dollars and countless hours in order to deport him? How exactly is the deportation of my husband going to make America a better and safer place? What possible good can come out of deporting a husband, an employee and a tax payer? My husband is not a terrorist, a drug addict or drug dealer. He has never physically hurt or abused anyone! The man does not possess one mean, callous or disrespectful bone in his body. The deportation of my husband will not result in anything positive or good--it will only result in misery and strife.

And if they were so intent on deporting him, why didn’t they just do so the first time he was in detention in 2003? These are all questions I will never have the answer to—and it is driving me insane. Why in the world did the U.S. government allow him to adjust his status before the 2nd circuit hearing and then rescind it? Unfortunately, I cannot stop myself from pondering the reasons why this senseless situation is unfolding this way.

In addition to all these questions, I can’t help but think about everything Khalid has been through and how this situation has affected him mentally and physically. He has been separated from his family since the late 1980’s. I cannot fathom what that was like and how lonely he must have felt during these years. And now, in addition to everything else he has lost, he is now being separated from his wife here in the States. He has worked hard his whole life, even holding down two jobs while doing countless hours of overtime, training other people and taking any additional challenges his employer has asked of him. None of this has made a bit of difference.

Some people answer this question by saying that life just isn’t fair. No, life isn’t fair. But does that justify the horrible, wretched, inhumane things people do to each other? Life is all about distributing scarce resources and determining who gets a larger chunk of the pie and who is left fighting for the crumbs. The scarcest resource of all is love and the bitterest struggle: its procurement.

I am reminded of a wonderful Indian author named Arundhati Roy and her book The God of Small Things. If you haven't read it I recommend it highly. In this book she explores the nature of love and how it is artificially distributed in society based upon arbitrary designations of rank, wealth and power. More specifically the story centers around the tragic love story between an upper class Indian woman and a poor Untouchable laborer. A particular quote from the book comes to mind and I will share it with you now:

"They all broke the rules. They all crossed into forbidden territory. They all tampered with the laws that lay down who should be loved and how. And how much."

This quote has become quite poignant to me now. I realize that the problems our country is currently facing: including the debate about gay marriage, the excesses of greed, racism, sexism and the discriminatory immigration judicial system; can all be linked by this distribution of love-- and who deserves it and who doesn't.

So, here I am, sitting in my living room-- ironically watching a special on Michael Jackson and fearing that this will be the last day I will spend with my husband and wondering where our share of the love is.....

Recent developments

2009-06-29T22:30:00.002-04:00

After a period of relative calm, and just when we were feeling somewhat secure; a new development has occurred in my husband's case...and its not a positive one. The rug has been pulled out from underneath us...for the 10th time. There is no way to accurately describe the feeling that washes over you when you are faced with the imminent separation of you and the most important person in your life. The closest association I can come up with is a long, languishing death of a loved one--but even that isn't a close approximation. Both of us are very much alive and it is not death that is separating us, but the imperfect, arbitrary laws of man.

To imagine that both of us will be living, breathing and sleeping under the same stars and yet we will not be able to hold each other, comfort each other or share a joke together is excruciating. Every time I think about it it feels as if my breath is being sucked from my body leaving only a black hole and the insatiable abyss.

We have been told by a reliable source that the Indian government is trying to verify Khalid's identity by tracking down any of his relatives in India. The reason this is necessary is because when Khalid was imprisoned in a detention center in Batavia New York for 8 months in 2003-- the person handling his case sent all three of his passports to the Indian consulate in order to procur travelling papers. Based on protocol he was only supposed to send one and keep any additional ones as backup.

Fast forward to last July, when Homeland Security was trying to obtain his travelling papers to deport him, India refused to issue any because they require a passport for processing. This left Khalid in a state of immigration limbo which he has been in for almost a year. He was unable to adjust his status but also unable to go to India.

If India is able to verify that Khalid is an Indian citizen, however that process unfolds, that will allow the U.S. government to deport him. Apparently, they have contacted an aunt in India that Khalid did not know was still there. If the worst happens, I will have no say and will not be able to say good-bye to him. They will shackle him in handcuffs and chains like a criminal and imprison him once again before they place him on a plane to India. It is possible I may never see him again for various reasons. He is Muslim and is going into a country where violence against Muslims is common. In addition, with his absence, I will not be able to afford the medicine and co-pays needed to manage my medical conditions. I will likely lose my apartment, my education and even my sight.

I fear that if the worst happens, and Khalid is deported, I will not be strong enough to handle it. Financially, mentally and spiritually I will fall apart. We have to report to the Homeland Security office in Albany New York this Wednesday, and with these new developments I fear the worst.

An Imperfect Love Story

2009-06-29T19:45:00.002-04:00

One of the first questions I am always asked when I discuss my husband's immigration situation is; "how did you meet?" It goes without saying that this is predominately a gender-based question--meaning that woman are more likely to ask this then men. Generally, most men are not inclined to question me about personal matters-- unless I happen to mention that my husband likes cars or enjoys fishing. When those juicy bits are divulged inevitable questions arise such as; "What kind of car does he drive?", "What are his favorite fishing spots? or "Where does he work?" I will not indulge my feminist bias at this time and comment on these anomalies; which I could certainly do--at length. I will restrain myself by simply saying they fascinate me.

Khalid and I met on a local online singles group. I had been recently getting into the dating scene after a long hiatus and was extremely frustrated by the lack of compatible partners. After dating a dishonest accountant who was a recovering alcoholic, a scanky and obsessive local college professor and a boy-man who couldn't do anything before he consulted his mother, I was obviously skeptical about finding a good partner.

This predicament became jarringly obvious to me when a "friend" set me up on a blind date with a man, who can only be accurately described as my worst nightmare. We met at his parent's house, which should have been the first tip off that this would not end well. He greeted me with a barely audible "hello" and didn't talk to me the rest of the evening until I was preparing to leave. He looked like he had just stepped out of the cover of a 1980's heavy metal magazine, with dark, cork-screw long hair, tight leopard pants and a black t-shirt with a huge decal of a fire breathing, multi-colored dragon.

I don't know if my surprise and horror registered on my face...and at that point I wasn't in the best frame of mind to really care. In addition to his outdated appearance I also found out he was unemployed, didn't own a car and lived with his parents. Even today I wonder what my friend was thinking when she thought we would make a good match. The friendship, a conspicuously superficial one, expired in a slow and barely perceptible manner shortly after this blind date.

So, on a cool afternoon in November in the year 2005 , with trepidation and low hopes, I went to meet a new man at a local Dunkin Donuts. As a result of my horrible dating experiences thus far I told myself sternly that this would be the last time I would meet anyone from the internet or singles groups. If this meeting does not go well, this was it--I was done. I would go back to my cats, my books, my paintings; call it good and pretend I was content. I was so sure that the meeting was going to be a complete failure that I told this man that I had a previous engagement and could only meet with him for two hours.

Imagine my surprise when the meeting went well! We forged an instant bond and became so enrapt in our conversation that it was well over an hour before we ordered our coffee. I was smitten with his easy-going demeanor, humility, and engaging smile. Khalid admitted to me, months after our first meeting, that he had a goofy smile plastered on his face while he got up to order our coffee that day--and it lasted into the evening.

Despite our deep feelings for each other ours has not been a perfect love story. Relationships never are because they are always between two imperfect human beings. I am sensitive, emotional and have a slight tendency to over analyze (cough..cough). Khalid can be brutally direct, non-communicative, and stubborn. I like to worry, think and plan for the future, Khalid likes to take things as they come. These differences have resulted in conflicts in our relationship, but it has also lead to deep illuminations and understanding. Through it all I have learned that it really doesn't matter... love can be imperfect but still be as steadfast as the roots of an old gnarled oak tree and as pure as a hidden waterfall. Love breathes in the smoke, ash and offal of human imperfection. If nothing else, we can have faith in that.

Challenging the stereotype

2009-06-28T10:36:00.002-04:00

Just when you think that there is absolutely no one on Earth who can understand what you are going through, the universe sends the unexpected your way. Khalid came to me in this fashion--but that is a story for a subsequent post. I am speaking now of a friend of mine. We have only met face to face once at an immigration conference in Chicago last April. My newly found friend was the bright spot in an atmosphere of chaos and confusion.

After the conference, we all went out to lunch and spent the rest of the afternoon talking. She is one of the rare individuals who can actually empathize with the predicament we are in because she has gone through the worst case scenario. Her husband was deported to Mexico many years ago, and after a few months of separation and anguish she followed: out of love, devotion and necessity--even though she is a bona fide, born and bred American citizen.

To get back to the main point, I was talking to this friend on the phone the other day and she was relating the comments of some of the people who attend her monologue: a performance piece that she presents across the States about the experiences of being a wife of a deportee. In well-meaning innocence some people express surprise that such an articulate, educated and talented young woman would find herself in such a dire predicament.

In translation, the speaker is actually asking "How could you have married a man who got himself deported?" This question simultaneously expresses a multitude of culturally entrenched stereotypes about both the presumed nature of the deportee and his wife. Fundamentally, people are not so much surprised that we are educated, thoughtful and creative but that we are seemingly normal and mundane. This is uncomfortable because this suggests that tragedy can happen to anyone, anywhere and at anytime. This was not the result of a character defect, bad karma or questionable judgement but the result of the intersection of racial and cultural stereotypes, political events and the unfortunate criminalization of immigrants in American society.

My friend and I-- and our husbands-- are not extraordinary. We do not stand out in society as unusual, wretched or scurrilous. We are just regular people just trying to survive in an ever-complicated world. Love called to us and we followed, aware that pitfalls, hardships and strife challenge even the strongest of relationships. Perhaps we were blind to the particular arduous path we choose but that does not deter us from forging ahead in love, in determination and in faith that somehow this will work out for the best. After all--that is really the only thing that any of us can ever do.